A Post About the Stupid Shit I Do

And now presenting for your reading pleasure: A Post About the Stupid Shit I Do....

So the other day I was walking down the street, minding my own business when all the sudden this large bug flew right into my face and got caught between my eye and my glasses (yeah, I'm not kidding). Being the sensible person that I am, I flipped out accordingly. Which involved, but was not limited to...batting wildly at my eyes, jumping up and down, dodging side to side, and swatting around my head in general. My glasses were nearly a casualty to this process. When I regained my composure...people were staring. Luckily it happened on Ashland and not in the direct downtown Andersonville-Clark district, so hopefully my cool image was not tarnished. (Phew)

So today I was chewing gum and didn't want it anymore. I was passing a trash can and saw this as a perfectly opportune moment to dispose of the stale, flavorless wad knoshing around between my teeth. Being a lady, I discreetly spit the gum into my hand first, but when I went to put it in the garbage...THE WAD WASN'T THERE! Somewhere between my mouth and my hand i managed to loose my used gum. I paniced. I made sure it wasn't sticking to my face. I checked to make sure it wasn't stuck on my shirt. I ran to the bathroom to look in the mirror to make sure it wasn't anywhere visible. I shook out my sweatershirt, thinking maybe it somehow fell in there....nothing. I couldn't find it. It was as if it simply vanished. "Well" I thought. "I'm not going to waste any more time looking for it. If it's gone, it's gone. And as long as it ain't stuck in my hair...I'm cool." So I forgot about my wad of gum, and went to class. Later that afternoon I found it. I stuck my hand in my kangaroo pouch to retrive a pen I put there when my hand came across something hard, yet...strangely...malleable. I pulled it out and there it was...my long lost used wad of gum. (Thank God I found it)

So today I was in the little convience store at school, looking for a snack to tide me over till lunch. And I don't know when I'm going to learn that energy bars are never a good idea. Yes, they look tasty. Yes, they sound like they should be good for you. But in reality...they taste like shit and shouldn't even be considered food. They're so not food they shouldn't even be legal. And yet...somehow for some reason I am always drawn to them. No more. If a stale candy bar from 1963 and a cardboard had a love child...you'd get energy bars. No more. I will not buy them anymore only to eat one bite and go, "Why the hell did I buy this??"

So today I was reading craigslist missed connections and I saw one that said, "Women and Children First-21" Which is totally the bookstore I was at yesterday. I felt my stomach drop. I know. I know. Slap a sign to my forward that says "DORK" "LOSER" "HOPELESS" I know. I get it. I just have this crazy idea in my head that I'm going to meet the love of my life in a bookstore. I know. Probably stupid. Anyway...I open it up and my eyes catch a few choice words before I have a chance to read the whole thing..."good taste" "short hair" "adorable"...I start to get really excited.
Then I read more carefully and realize in reading that the person is not me. I was not weaing a Sleater-Kinney t-shirt. I know they're a band, but that's about all I know about them. And all my hopes and dreams were smashed.
...but not really because as soon as I finish the book I bought I'm TOTALLY going back to talk to cutie. Really I am. I swear. And if it goes well and she remembers me maybe I'll even have the gall to ask her out for coffee.
...knowing me though and my uncanny ability to do stupid shit, I will probably run into a book display and wreck havoc on the lesbian bookstore. And then it's only inevitable that I'll get myself banned.