Oklahoma! Oklahoma! Oklahoma! Oklahoma!

So I just read this article on yahoo about this 51 year old woman who acted as a surrogate mother for her 27 year old daughter. So she pretty much gave birth to her grandkids (she had twin boys). I know I should probably think this is beautiful and marvel at the wonders of medicine and the human body and think that it must be such a wonderful gift to be able to have children for your daughter when she can't conceive...
...But I actually feel like it's a Maury Povich episode waiting to happen. I think the episode would be called, "You Didn't Actually Develop in My Uterus." I think the conversation would go something like this:
MAURY: Rory, Cory...your Mom has something she'd like to share with you. Gina, what would you like to say to your kids?
GINA:...This is so hard. (Cries. Maury takes her hand)
MAURY: They deserve the truth, Gina.
RORY: Mom?
CORY: Are you actually a man? Is that what you have to tell us? Because we'd still love you anyway. You're our Mom. No matter what.
AUDIENCE: Awwwww.
GINA: No matter what? (Rory and Cory nod.)Well...I'm not a man. But...Well, Rory...Cory...you didn't actually develop in my uterus. You developed in your Grandma's uterus. She acted as a surrogate mother for me when I couldn't conceive.
RORY: WHAT??
CORY: NO! Say it isn't true!!
RORY: And all these years we thought we came down YOUR birth canal.
CORY: But we didn't...
RORY: It was...GRANDMA'S??
CORY: How could you do this to us?
RORY: I'm having an existential meltdown! Ahhhhh!!!!!!! (Leaves stage crying.)
GINA: I just wanted to have kids so badly. But I couldn't conceive. I tried so long to have kids. And your grandma, she offered her-
CORY: It was probably because of all that crack you smoked!!
GINA: Don't bring my habit into this!
CORY: Oh it's been brought. Don't you think it's a little strange that a woman with a 51 year old vagina can have kids before a 27 year old??! You have crack to thank for that mom!! CRACK!
GINA: (Cries) I'm soooooooooooorrrrry. I didn't know crack would impair my ability to have kids. Otherwise, I would have never wanted to have kids!
CORY: You don't mean that!!!
GINA: Oh I do. I like crack better than you.
MAURY: How does that make you feel, Cory?
CORY: Way to jump in there, Maury. How do you think it makes me feel?
MAURY: I don't know that's why I asked.
CORY: Well let me ask you this...how does it feel to be married to Connie Chung???
MAURY: Point taken. (Connie Chung comes out from backstage)
CONNIE: What is that supposed to mean MAURY???
MAURY: Crap.
CORY: Shit, she looks pissed.
GINA: Yeah, I don't want to be around for this.
CORY: Me either. You know when I see them it makes me realize we're not so strange after all.
GINA: No, we're not are we Cory? Do you forgive me?
CORY: Well that depends.
GINA: On what?
CORY: Can I have some crack?
GINA: Sure, honey. We'll smoke some together.
AUDIENCE: Awwwwwwwww...
(Connie approaches Maury screaming expletives. Maury screams expletives back. Station cuts to "Emergency: Please stand by" screen)

And scene.

Disclaimer: Nowhere was it mentioned in the article that the mother could not conceive because she was on crack. I made that part up.


Also, this post has been kinda heavy with crack and surrogate mothers and secrets and Connie Chung. Please enjoy this Steve Martin clip:

That man makes me laugh so hard.

QUOTE OF THE DAY
DAVID: Disney can't make up it's mind...On one hand, even though it is...High School Musical can't have anything to do with being Gay. But they're the ones who are releasing this novel or comic or something about a gay superhero. Disney is like the worst bisexual in the world! Can't make up it's freakin' mind. Disney is like a 23 year old bisexual man who thinks he's bisexual but really knows where he wants to be. Really he wants to be *Edited for vulgarity*
AMY: Quote of the day! But I'm going to have to edit it.
DAVID: (Under his breath) Oh course the lesbian doesn't want to talk about *edited for vulgarity* in her blog. God forbid you expand your audience a little bit.