Not A Reputable Sushi Dealer/The Pope's New Wardrobe

Sushi from a school convenience mart.

There are so many things wrong with that statement.
"Sushi" and "convenience mart" should just never be in the same sentence.
Ever.
And the idea that an institution of higher learning would be a reputable sushi dealer is both gross and disturbing.

And yet...
What did I have for lunch today?
Sushi purchased from a school convenience mart.
My rationale in doing so was, "But I'm not buying the kind with fish. I'm buying the 'California Veggie Combo Roll' kind."

Um. Amy?
You are a huge dumbass.
Don't you know? Sushi should never be bought or eaten from a school convenience mart.
Ever.

AND it didn't even stop me when I noticed the seaweed wrapped into the roll was turning the rice a little brown...

I will never make this mistake again.

Dear Sushi,
I think we should take a break and see other people. Maybe we can get together again one day. But until that time I'd like to be free to screw around with Chicken Cesar Wrap and Chop Salad. Sorry if this hurts you, but believe me I'm hurting too. And I kinda feel like I'm going to hurl.
No Love,
Amy


So I was talking with my friend, Ariana, today and we were wondering- what's up with the Pope? I mean. He's always wearing those fine garments and shit. We decided that the pope needs a new wardrobe. Consisting of the following:
a) Shorts and a tank top. Dude, it's hot in Rome. Let those no doubt paste-y legs breathe a little man!
b) Black dress socks and brown loafers. Because only straight men can pull off the black/brown thing.
c) I ball cap with the phrase "I'm With Stupid" written on it and an arrow pointing heavenward.
Awesome.
This idea is perhaps only second in fabulousness to the idea of the men of Queer Eye coming into make him over. I would just like to see a picture of the Pope with the fab five. I think it would be the best thing ever. Hm...does anyone know how to use photoshop? Dad? Dad? Do you still read my blog? Will you photoshop me a picture of the fab five with the Pope? Please?
And then of course there'd be a spin off series, "Queer Eye For The Clergy." Which would consist of designing new and fabulous attire for the world's religious leaders AND simultaneously allowing poor the gay men who go into the church as a way to repress their homosexuality an few days to be with fabulous, fabulous gay men.
And then there'd be the one where they'd visit some priest at a remote village in Costa Rica...
And Carson would say things like, "Oh! Padre Pedro! I mean I know you serve the poor but that is no reason for you to be in this horrid frock! We need to get this man some white linen STAT. It breathes and will make you look fab."
And Ted would say things like, "Padre Pedro, I know you make rice to give to the poor, but that's a little bland. I'm going to teach you ways to spice it up a notch using things you'd find in the surrounding hills. And half of a good meal is pairing it with the right wine, so we'll teach you what goes with rice."
And Jai would say things like, "We're teaching you ALL how to Waltz and then we're going to go to a BALL!"

The world would be a much better place if run by gays.
We would all look fabulous, know how to waltz, and know what wine goes with what.