What We SHARE

All right, I haven't got a whole lot of time tonight to blog.

But I had to take a moment to say this...

Do you know what happened today?
Something unprecedented, profound, and awe inspiring...
I write today not to tell you about another school shooting, or the ill effects of war or Bush.
I write today to tell you:

The New York Philharmonic played in Pyongyang, North Korea.

I'll say it again...

The New York Philharmonic played in Pyongyang, North Korea.

And to anyone who would look me in the face and tell me that art is trivial in today's world, I would smile and say:

On February 26, 2008, The New York Philharmonic played in Pyongyang, North Korea.

Art speaks to the soul
To the human experience
To the spirit
To the commonality we all share
In a way that NOTHING else can.
Nothing.
Nothing.
Nothing.
Especially politics.

I love that today, art did what politics could not do.
Today, art, if only for a few hours, reminded us of what we SHARE instead of what divides us.
Politics tends to remind us only of what divides us.

It is these moments, how ever fleeting or small
These moments when meeting of two opposing forces throw down their differences
To share in beautiful music
That I am filled with hope for the world
And filled with hope for my place in it.

Art IS important.

Stand offs get us no where.
Rhetoric gets us nowhere.
Politics without understanding gets us nowhere.
Today, where there once were only vehement differences, there was commonality and LOVE.

Today, the New York Philharmonic played in Pyongyang, North Korea

Please excuse my jubilation when I say:
HECK YES!!!!!!!!

Not A Reputable Sushi Dealer/The Pope's New Wardrobe

Sushi from a school convenience mart.

There are so many things wrong with that statement.
"Sushi" and "convenience mart" should just never be in the same sentence.
Ever.
And the idea that an institution of higher learning would be a reputable sushi dealer is both gross and disturbing.

And yet...
What did I have for lunch today?
Sushi purchased from a school convenience mart.
My rationale in doing so was, "But I'm not buying the kind with fish. I'm buying the 'California Veggie Combo Roll' kind."

Um. Amy?
You are a huge dumbass.
Don't you know? Sushi should never be bought or eaten from a school convenience mart.
Ever.

AND it didn't even stop me when I noticed the seaweed wrapped into the roll was turning the rice a little brown...

I will never make this mistake again.

Dear Sushi,
I think we should take a break and see other people. Maybe we can get together again one day. But until that time I'd like to be free to screw around with Chicken Cesar Wrap and Chop Salad. Sorry if this hurts you, but believe me I'm hurting too. And I kinda feel like I'm going to hurl.
No Love,
Amy


So I was talking with my friend, Ariana, today and we were wondering- what's up with the Pope? I mean. He's always wearing those fine garments and shit. We decided that the pope needs a new wardrobe. Consisting of the following:
a) Shorts and a tank top. Dude, it's hot in Rome. Let those no doubt paste-y legs breathe a little man!
b) Black dress socks and brown loafers. Because only straight men can pull off the black/brown thing.
c) I ball cap with the phrase "I'm With Stupid" written on it and an arrow pointing heavenward.
Awesome.
This idea is perhaps only second in fabulousness to the idea of the men of Queer Eye coming into make him over. I would just like to see a picture of the Pope with the fab five. I think it would be the best thing ever. Hm...does anyone know how to use photoshop? Dad? Dad? Do you still read my blog? Will you photoshop me a picture of the fab five with the Pope? Please?
And then of course there'd be a spin off series, "Queer Eye For The Clergy." Which would consist of designing new and fabulous attire for the world's religious leaders AND simultaneously allowing poor the gay men who go into the church as a way to repress their homosexuality an few days to be with fabulous, fabulous gay men.
And then there'd be the one where they'd visit some priest at a remote village in Costa Rica...
And Carson would say things like, "Oh! Padre Pedro! I mean I know you serve the poor but that is no reason for you to be in this horrid frock! We need to get this man some white linen STAT. It breathes and will make you look fab."
And Ted would say things like, "Padre Pedro, I know you make rice to give to the poor, but that's a little bland. I'm going to teach you ways to spice it up a notch using things you'd find in the surrounding hills. And half of a good meal is pairing it with the right wine, so we'll teach you what goes with rice."
And Jai would say things like, "We're teaching you ALL how to Waltz and then we're going to go to a BALL!"

The world would be a much better place if run by gays.
We would all look fabulous, know how to waltz, and know what wine goes with what.

Conversations with the Brother

MY BROTHER: Oh! Well, she's just trying to a pull a...what's the name of that thing...Macbeth! She's trying to pull a MacBeth!
ME: (Laughing) What are you talking about?
MY BROTHER: Macbeth! You know...
ME: Macbeth is a play by Shakespeare.
MY BROTHER: I know.
ME: So what does that have to do with anything?
MY BROTHER: Isn't Macbeth the one where everyone dies at the end?
ME: A lot of people die at the end of a lot of Shakespeare plays.
MY BROTHER: Well, whatever then. She's trying to pull a Shakespeare.
(I'm still laughing)
MY BROTHER: What?! Doesn't everyone die at the end of Macbeth?!
ME: Yes. Many people die at the end of Macbeth. But many people also die at the end of Richard III and King Lear and Hamlet-
MY BROTHER: HAMLET!! That's it! Yeah, yeah...Hamlet. Avenge my death. She's trying to pull a Hamlet.

The Rocky Mountains...On My Head

...I need a haircut like whoa.

QUOTES OF THE DAY

LITTLE GIRL IN LOBBY: Daddy! Let's play tag! (Begins to run around)
Later...out of nowhere...
AUDRA: (Laughing) Daddy! Let's play tag!!

AUDRA: Don't touch your mucus membranes!!!

AMY: Oh! So I have a funny story!
(Audra is in the middle of eating a fish stick)
AUDRA: Hold on, let me finish this.
AMY: Oh, well it's a long story so I can just wait till you're done eating.
AUDRA: Oh, no that's ok...just go ahead.
AMY: Ok. So, I'm in this screenwriting class. And we have to write screenplays.
(At which point Audra starts busting up laughing with a fishstick in her mouth. I start busting up laughing too)

...Chicken and Maximus together in the box office is truly a special thing.

And you all should watch this because it's kind of fabulous:


I think it's quite possible that Portuguese is the most beautiful language in world. I mean...it helps when it's sung like that. But seriously...it's like all best parts of French plus all the best parts of Spanish and Italian...soooooo gorgeous.

What Exactly IS Going On With My Hair?

So, David brought up a good point yesterday when he said:

"Magoo!What is going on with your hair today!?

So, I can't put up a picture right now as I'm on a work computer but basically my hair currently looks like what would happen if you began to pick apart the cotton on a Q-Tip.
My hair is getting "long" (relatively speaking of course) and so is fuzzy, but because it's so thick...some of it pretty much stands on end, while other areas lay flat.
Basically, what I'm trying to say is that my hair looks like the Rocky Mountain Range.
Sometimes, the sticking up portion likes to congragate in the middle of my head. Which makes me look like I have a faux hawk.
But I don't.
So I've decided that my current "look" can only be classified as a faux-faux hawk. Because it's certainly not trying to be a mohawk. And it's certainly not trying to give the impression of being a mohawk while not actually being mohawk (faux hawk). It's pretty much trying to give the impression of nothing, but since it looks vaguely like it is trying to give the impression of something, we may call it the "faux-faux hawk."
Did I just philosophize about my hair?

I guess to put it put it more frankly (and probably more accurately) my hair is pretty much 10 year old boy.
And I'm ok with that.
Maybe I'll get some product involved when I go do important things, but for now...I'm ok with having the Rocky Mountains on my head.
I'll post a picture later today when I get home.

Audra and I are listening to Notre Dame de Paris in the box office right now. It's a French muscial and is pretty much awesome. Audra is singing along in French. I singing along in fake French (ie singing the words I know (pretty much Norte Dame, Cathedrales, and Paris) and then making the rest up (ie singing in something that sounds French, but is really, really not).

One of my favorite songs from Notre Dame de Paris:


Also, I want this guy's jacket. Real Bad:

Lots. Of. Quotes.

QUOTES OF THE DAY (well, last few days)

AMY: I was waiting for you to get to thing in that list you'd need to boil water for.
SARA: The cheese of course!

SARA: I think yoga loosened my brain.

SARA: Is that allowed? Am I allowed to want Steak'N'Shake while doing yoga? I feel like want wheat grass or something.

ARIANA: two muffins are in the oven, and one says 'geez it's hot in here', and the other says 'holy crap, a talking muffin!'

ARIANA: Let's see, what else have I got…oh wait, here we go…what's long and orange and goes click-click? A ballpoint carrot.

MEGHAN: So, I hopped this cab to the TV station the other day for my interview and when I told the guy where I was going he said, "Oh! You going to be a famous one day! I have many famous in my cab! You going to be a famous one day!" And he told me never to get married because, "My wife divorce me. Because I ugly." And then he kept telling me, "Do not give up. You must try till die. You must try till die!" And when I got out of the cab and was walking away he rolled down his window and called to me, "Remember, try till die!!"

DAVID: Magoo! What is going on with your hair today!? Just because it's short doesn't mean you can just roll out of bed like that. We need to get some product involved.

What Happens When You Give A 9 Year Old A Camera

So recently, I've been working on getting non-digital pictures digitized. I came across the following set of photos and knew I had to share them with you all. These are from the very first camera I ever had. I was probably about 9 when I took these, the camera was very small and took 110 film.

If you give a 9 year old a camera...

...she will take pictures of her pet gerbil, Gymshoes. Yes. I named the gerbil Gymshoes. My logic in doing so was that he smelled. I was a special child.

If you give a 9 year old a camera...

...she will take pictures of her little brother doing strange things. Such pictures will cut off his entire body and some of his head, but include the Power Ranger Calendar on the wall behind him.

If you give a 9 year old a camera...

...she will take more pictures of her little brother doing strange things.

If you give a 9 year old a camera...

...she will take a picture of her dogs' butts and think she is really very funny and clever.

If you give a 9 year old a camera...

...she will take more pictures of her little brother doing strange things. What I love about this picture: a) That the name "Erika" is written on the guitar, apparently it belong to someone named "Erika" before coming into our possession. b) That my brother has scrawled the word "Mom" in crayola crayon on the body of the guitar as well. c) My brother's full body pajamas-hot. So priceless.

If you give a 9 year old a camera...

...she will take a ridiculous amount of pictures of her little brother doing stange things. What I love about this picture: a) He-Man sword. As I recall it had sound effects. b) My brother's very fashionable Lion King shirt. c)The fact that I have not the slightest clue what is going on here. But, apparently...we just got done watching a movie.

If you give a 9 year old a camera...

...she will attempt to take a picture of herself and her brother and this will be the result. What I love about this picture??
This:

Old habits die hard. The latter picture was taken just a few short months ago.

City Covorting

So I went out last night with my good pal Meghan. (After she stood me up for our singles date on V-day. Who does that?)
We had quite the adventure.
So, we decided to meet at the Belmont el stop at 7:00.
I don't know why I always think it's a good idea to meet people at the Belmont stop with the idea of just walking somewhere to grab a bite to eat. There isn't much selection up that way.
People really only go to the Belmost area for three things:
a) Clubs
b) Tattoos
and
c) Dildos.
Sorry to be so crass, but it's really not a lie.
I'm pretty sure there's a sex shop on every other corner down there...they're like neighborhood convience marts. Because there's so many clubs down there, it's rare that someone would need a gallon of milk in a pinch.
It's probably more along the lines of, "Oh Boy, I'm on my way to Berlin [club] and boy am I in a pinch! I forgot my rasberry flavored condoms at home!"
"Have no fear skinny-jeaned clubber! Your friendly neighborhood sex shop is here to help you out! We have a wide selection of flavored condoms. And how!"
...um. yeah. So that's the Belmont area. Meghan and I ended up walking further South toward Lincoln Park to find somewhere to eat because neither of use were interested in tattoos or dildos last night. Just the mood we were in, I guess.
So we find a place to eat after a bit of walking.
The place isn't all that crowded and I start in with one of my hair-brained old people stories. This involved speaking loudly, and doing an old people impression. There was this guy sitting a few tables away, middle aged, that looked over and heard me when I started talking.
So I quickly shutup.
When he got up to leave he stopped by the table and was like, "So, I think you saw me look over here when you started telling that story, and then you got embarrsassed and got quiet. Don't be embarrassed! Have fun! Too many people take life too seriously. It's nice to see people having fun and being animated." Aw, I love nice guys. His poor wife was just laughing and trying to drag him away.
So we got kicked out of that place at 8:45 because apparently, they close at 8:00...and had to find somewhere else to go. We jump on a bus and head to this 24 coffee shop I know, which also happens to serve my favorite beer, Blue Moon.
Now, I've said before, I am not hardcore. I simply cannot do heavy drinking. I can hold wine a little better than I can hold beer, but I am so not a trained college drinker. At all.
So I order a Blue Moon and Meghan gets a latte with a shot of Bailey's. Yeah, we're classy gals.
However, it was becoming painfully apparent when I started having trouble telling my complicated stories...that the Blue Moon was going straight to my head. The problem was that quite literally had drunk a 1/4 of it. Seriously. Meghan just laughed and laughed while I tried to spit things out. Straight up...I got names confused, I said the same things twice, I wasn't articulating.
Meghan said she wanted to talk about boys with me only when I was drinking a Blue Moon. She said something about this one boy never having had a girlfriend, which set me into a bastardized monologue, "He's never had boooottttyy? Booty! Booty! Booty! Aw, he's never had boooooooooooooty. Bootayyyyyyyyy!!"
Ohhh....dear.
Well, I guess the good thing about not being able to hold alcohol-I'm a super cheap date. Yes, that's right ladies. I just said I was cheap. The line to date me starts now.
So Meghan and I hang out for a while and I get on the bus to come home which is super PACKED. So packed, I can't even find a good rail to hold onto, so I have to reach for the rail above me head.
Which means I was on my tip toes. So I am on a bus, on my tip toes holding onto a rail above my had by my finger tips, just so I could steady myself.
Sitting in the sit in front of me (I was facing her, she was facing me) was this little old lady wearing a scarf around her head. She had on thick glasses, that made her eyes look a little beady. I watch her take out pill bottle from a plastic bag with the weirdest conglomeration of crap I've ever seen-electronics, pills, foodstuffs, ect. She pops one of these huge pills into her mouth, which I then see only has two large teeth.
Yet somehow she's chomping away on this pill.
Out of nowhere she looks up at me and goes, "You ok, honey?"
Aw. Little old lady!
So I say, "Yeah. I'm ok, thank you."
She says, "You want to put your bag here?" Indicating the place for bags on the bus she was seating next to.
I say, "I don't have a bag, but thank you."
So this other guy, a Native American who happened to be carrying around a Native American flute (can I make this shit up?), get into a conversation with this lady.
Wait, strike that.
The old lady starts to tell her life story to me and this guy. All about how she ran her errands today because the weather was going to get bad, and look at this great deal she got on this electronic thingy (shows it to us) but the sale it over now, so too bad for us, because it's not on sale anymore and really was a good deal. All the while, she's still chomping on this pill and bits are coming flying out of her mouth.
I love the city.
She was odd, yes.
She was old, yes.
But she was also kind to me.
So I move farther back in the bus to make room for more people and I listen to this other guy with a moustache get into a conversation with the Native American guy I was talking to earlier. This moustache guy was clearly somehow mentally disabled, and just talking and talking and talking to the guy about where he was playing and when he'd be playing. I guess this guy had seen the Native American guy play somewhere before, so he's asking him about what he's been up to, ect. And the two are just having the most pleasant conversation, and the Native American guy gets off the bus, but stops to say to me, "It was nice talking to you."
Why can't the whole world be as beautiful as that bus ride was?
A bus packed with all walks of humanity. Some of them, cranky, yes. But some of them willing to actually CONNECT with each other and treat each other with kindness.
Made my night.



QUOTE OF THE DAY
BART: How was your Valentine's Day?
AMY: *Sigh* Eh.
BART: Yeah, me too. I call it Black Thursday...or whatever day it falls on.

Good, Better, Best, Never Let It Rest Until the Good Is Better and The Better Is The Best

So I've kicked around whether or not to blog on this topic...
I wasn't there.
I don't know anyone who was there.
And I worry about being tactful and respectful in time of tragedy.
But, as a young American and college student, I feel the need to at least say something...I don't propose any answers here, nor do I believe I'm about to say anything totally meaningful or intelligent, I'm just going to sort of riff off what's on my mind I guess...
So, in case you haven't heard, there's been another school shooting.
This one, at Northern Illinois University. As I said, I wasn't there and I don't know anyone who was there, but this shooting hits a little closer to home because, well, it is closer to home. NIU is not all that far from Chicago.
In the wake of Virgina Tech [side note: I find it a little disturbing that the name "Viginia Tech" has become the noun by which we refer to "that incident AT Virginia Tech when a mentally disturbed student went on a rampage killing fellow students and himself"] I found myself walking around my own campus thinking, "What would I do? What the hell would I do if the bullets started flying? Where would I run? Would I run at all?"
It seems disgusting that I, and other college students, should have to worry about bullets potentially flying on a college campus.
But, it also seems disgusting to me that people in the world go unfed and without a warm place to sleep at night.
It also seems disgusting to me that people cannot afford healthcare.
It also seems disgusting to me that there are children in the world who are abused, or hurt.
...there are a lot of things that disgust me about the world. There is a part of me that believes you have to accept that this is just the way the world is in order to get out bed in the morning and in order to live your life in any sort of way that would be progressive. There is a part of me that believes you have to accept the world in this way in oder to understand that is does not need to be that way and in order to change it.
...and then there's this part of me that believes this is not the way anything should be ever. There's this part of me that wonders what we have done as a human race to get to this point where it becomes commonplace for students to light up a lecture halls with bullets.
I was talking with my good friend about this whole mess the day it happened and she said something kind of interesting. Basically she said that it's become easier for human beings to harm each other. Like, when the founding fathers wrote the constitution and gave us the right to bear arms...a gun could only fire shot. And it took time to reload. With the advancement of technology it's become a whole hell of a lot easier for us to harm people, faster.
Sad, no?
Not to be all gloom and doom about the human race...but I think if we're not careful I think this could be the proverbial "meteor" that wipes us out as a species.
Technology figures promiently in human advancement-it has since some caveman-esque ansector decided to pick up a stick or a stone and use it as a tool...
I think technology has ceased to become a mechanism for survival though, and more or less one for power-even the technology that serves good and is not necessarily about building better bombs. Technology has become about being better, faster, and stronger to be more powerful to therefore not have to go into "survival" mode.
Eh, I don't know...maybe I'm wrong. And I'm not saying this is a bad thing...
But the problem with aquiring this sort of power is that if the situation arises in the wrong hands...we could blow ourselves up. We will meet our demise by our own advancements.
That was either the smartest thing I've ever said, or the dumbest...I can't decide which.
I think we've seen this play out...
As my fifth grade teacher, Mrs. Thomas, used to say, "Good, better, best, never let it rest until the good is better and the better is the best." She of course, was refering to the laws of grammar. But we as humans can't let it rest until we have technology that is good, better, and the best. And sadly, part of our technology today has to do with the most efficient ways to kill people. We make guns and bombs and weapons that are designed to inflict massive amounts of damage and destruction. And then when people do kill others with guns that we made to be better for killing, we look around and are like, "What the fuck?!"
Um.
Yeah. We did that.
WAIT! Before you get mad at me...
Obviously, I know it takes a person to pull the trigger.
Obviously, I know when we make guns we're not making them so some dude can go shoot up a lecture hall...
I'm just saying...we shouldn't be so surprised when it happens.
If we're going to be a world that makes guns, we have to take part of the the responsiblity for the consequences of that decision. In whatever capacity...in the capacity of war and in the capacity of school shootings and gang violence and hate crimes and whatever else...
It takes a person to pull the trigger, to push that button...yes. But we are a part of the reality that creates the ability for them to do that.
The guy who shot up NIU got his guns legally.
Legally.
He did not buy them on the black market or steal them. He simply bought them.
...that is more or less what my logical thinking mind says.

And then there is my heart.
My heart that can simply not look at this event, or any like it in a logical manner. This is a complex and at time illogical world we live in, I know. So much so that it becomes impossible to even wrap my brain around sometimes-in both good and bad ways:
I can't wrap my brain around it when a kid goes into a lecture hall and kills students.
And I can't wrap my brain around how good it is to laugh so hard I get a full abdmonial work out.
My mind tries to understand what happened, in the ways I've talked a little bit about...and then my heart comes in. And any grip I had on understanding is totally lost. I think about the terror those students must have felt. When, for no reason, on just an average day, some person decided to walk into a classroom and start shooting. I think about my brother-who's still got some college years ahead of him. I think about my brother-who was (and still is, maybe?) considering tranferring to NIU. I think about him and I think, "He could have been in there. He could have been in that classroom."
...then again, he could also get in a car accident or hit by a bus or drop dead of some strange virus that strikes otherwise perfectly healthly young men.
And so could I or anyone else.

*Sigh*

Oh life...
It's pretty much crazy.
I guess all I can do is live life the best way I know how. And despite the gloom and doom tone at which I wrote this post (come on guys, I'm a college student trying to figure out life I'm going to be emo sometimes), the best way I know how invloves good things. Good things like love, hope, and compassion.
Call me a bleeding hearted hopeful optimist. I am one. Occassionally, jumping into that pool that is cynicism.

In conclusion:
We need stricter gun control laws.
Period.
Although, since I do believe in the constitution and what the founding fathers said...I think everyone should get a state issued musket.
And that's all.
You can't buy pistols, you can't buy shotguns
You've got the right to bear arms ok?
You want to use that right to shoot up a lecture hall, bitch?
Well guess what?
You better have damn good aim because you have one shot.
And then you better be able to reload damn quick because that linebacker from the football team is coming to take your ass out.


...can you imagine how much more peaceful our world would be if we all used muskets?
"Oh man! I'm so mad at that guy I could just shoot him!"
"Well, honey, take the musket."
"Oh, that's right. The musket. Screw it, it's not worth it."

In a SERIOUS CONCLUSION:
Good, better, best, never let it rest until the good is better and the better is the best. Let's get good, better, and best at love. Please? Can we stop coming up with ways to hurt each other?


OK.

And just because this post needs a little humor...

QUOTE OF THE DAY

(Conversation had online)
MEGHAN: i guess i am in the mood for man bashing.
ME: Yeah, I was gonna say...
MEGHAN: bash them! bash them! remember that game with the big poofy mallot and the alligators would pop out of the holes and you had to club them?

Who I Woke Up With This Post Valentine's Day Morning...

So, I made it out of V-day alive, you'll all be happy to know.
What did I do on V-day, you ask?
I treated myself to dinner and a mexican latte from my favorite little cafe in town and sat there and worked on my documentary theatre project.
And then I went to bed.
This is who I slept with last night and woke up with this morning:


My one and only teddy dog-bear!


Was that snuggle as good for you as it was for me? Oh yeah, sorry I used your face as a pillow for some of the night.


Let's take a picture of ourselves in bed together and post it as our myspace profile pictures and make everyone so jealous of how happy we are together!

J'ai beaucoup de chance de l'avoir dans ma vie!

V-Day Just Took A Turn For The Worse

I am being mocked by my Tear-A-Day-French-phrase calender.

Here is today's phrase:
"J'ai beaucoup de chance de l'avoir dans ma vie."

Which means:
"I'm so lucky to have her in my life."





Screw you Tear-A-Day Calender! Thanks for reminding me of my single-ness.

I mean, I was doing ok until I tore off February 13:
"Non, je ne pars pas seul" "No, I won't be traveling alone."
For:
"J'ai beaucoup de chance de l'avoir dans ma vie."

You know won't Tear-A-Day-French-Phrase Calender?
J'ai beaucoup de chance that I can kick you ass!!

Valentine's Day Post!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, it's pretty much Valentine's Day.
AND there's pretty much no blogging around it, so without further pomp and circumstance, I give you...

THE VALENTINE'S DAY POST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!














Um...

So without further pomp and circumstance, I give you...

THE VALENTINE'S DAY POST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



(ahem)....



...(ahem)




THE VALENTINE'S DAY POST!!!!!!!!!!!









*Valentine's Day Post! You're ON!*



AND SO WITHOUT FURTHER POMP AND CIRCUMSTANCE, I GIVE YOU...
THE VALENTINE'S DAY POST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!








Valentine's Day Post??


Um?


Hello?
Are you there?
Can you hear me?





And so, without FURTHER pomp and circumstance, I give you...
The Valentine's-
You're not going to show are you?












Well, it was worth a shot...
















...ok, so I've sat here all night, granted doing things in between, trying to figure out what I want to say about Valentine's Day...
I've deleted and typed.
...and typed.
...and deleted.
And typed...
And deleted.
And deleted.
And deleted.


...I don't know what this means.


I used to be real bitter about Valentine's Day. Want proof? I went back to my old blog and found this quote from Valentine's Day in 2006:
"So its V-Day. This implies some sort of victory to be had. I feel fairly confident in saying that in terms of Valentines my day will be relatively un-victorious."
Um...emo much?
I was mostly kidding, but I did have a tendency to be rather bitter about V-day.
Whatever, I'd like to think I'm a little more mature than that now.
Basically I have better things to do with my life than be bitter about Valentine's Day.

So instead of turning this into a Valentine's Day post, I'm going to turn it into a schmoogley boogley gooley (all technical terms) love post in the spirit of schmoogley boogley googley Valentine's Day. Because it's more fun to to be schmoogley boogley than bitter.
If you have a strong gag reflex when it comes to matters of the heart, you may not want to read on, just a fair warning...


I am a hopeless romantic.
I believe in love.
I believe two people can be together forever.
I hope I am lucky enough to be with someone forever.
I want to be with someone forever.
I believe there is someone out there for me.
I believe I am out there for someone.
"Somewhere out there someone's thinking of me."
Fievel is the cutest cartoon mouse, ever.
He kicks Remy's ass on the cuteness scale any day of the week.
Sorry, Meghan.
But you simple can't argue with this face:

True love?
Yeah.
It happens.
I think you have to be open to it
And not afraid to fall.
Now I'm starting to sound like a 9th grader
But I don't care.
This is the schmoogley boogley love post.
I think real love makes you feel like a kid anyway.
I have no interest in being in an "adult" relationship.
I don't want a relationship that's work.
Because eventually...everyone retires at some point.
Relationships built on true blue love, while not always easy...
Are NEVER work.
At least, I don't think so.
Relationships built on true blue love just...are.
It's like a higher form of living.
Schmoogley Boogley.
Love is quirky.
Not be confused with kinky.
Which is cool if that's your thing.
But I want quirky.
Not kinky.
Love is like soup after spending all day out in the snow. It's..
Mmm Mmm good,
Warms you up inside,
Just what you need.
Love is a bubble bath.
Are you rolling your eyes yet?
I don't care!
I warned you!
LOVE IS LIKE BEING TICKLED!
Or...
Like the anticipation of being tickled.
SCHMOOGLEY BOOGLEY!
Love feels
SOFT
and
SAFE
and
WARM
and
FUZZY
Love is fuzzy!
Love is
NON
SENSE
I
CAL
Love is deeper than the mountains
And taller than the sea
Love constantly surprising but always true
Love is...


schmoogley.


boogley.


and maybe...


googley.



Aaaannnd....since it's so late, I'm going to stop myself from deleting it and post it. Don't be bitter this Valentine's Day. If you're single, taken, or otherwise be schmoogley boogley.
It's kind of fun.

STUFF!

ANOTHER CRAPPY YAHOO HOROSCOPE
"While you might not have as much discipline as you'd like, you can still succeed!"
Well, thanks horoscope.
Thanks.
That's just charming.
Why don't you just say, "Go ahead and half-ass it. You'll be fine."
Well shows what you know horoscope 'cause that's not the way I roll.
Once again, you suck.

WHY I LOVE NATALIE DEE, EPISODE #2:

nataliedee.com


QUOTES OF THE DAY

(Conversation via AIM)
(After telling her she reminds me of Audrey Hepburn because she's gorgeous and classy and sophisticated)
MEGHAN: yeah I'm sophisticated and classy. I have a tattoo on my ass: "clASSy."

(Conversation via AIM)
MEGHAN: I can't have two conversations at once
AMY: im trying to have two at once and blog at the same time...not happening...
MEGHAN: that should be your blog topic
MEGHAN: HI AMY'S BLOG
MEGHAN: WHAT'S UP
MEGHAN: YOU AMUSE ME AND STRANGERS AROUND THE INTERNET.
MEGHAN: tell me blog, what would you wear if you had an interview with a creative publicly funded news station tomorrow? a classic office-look, the black pants collared shirt and suit jacket-slash-cardigan, OR...a chic but funky turtle-neck dress purchased on Via Del Corso in Italy, with a colorful necklace?

(blog voted turtle-neck dress)

(Conversation via AIM)
MEGHAN: g'night my friend
MEGHAN: my hair smells like grilled cheese
MEGHAN: thought you should know

(Meghan makes me laugh real hard)

Things I Don't Understand Episode #1

Here's a video blog. It was supposed to go up last night but I got impatient with the uploading process. So I'm putting it up now. People seem to really be enjoying the video portions of the blog...so, without further audieu...





And just for old times sake...

Great News!

Guys, because my Gay Boyfriend is pretty fab, he figured out how to send me a picture of the e-card he sent me.
Here it is, you will now understand how my words could not possibly have done it justice:



Best Valentine EVER!



Oh, so this was my horoscope today...
"Your perseverance in terms of a relationship is finally paying off. They're yours!"
Horoscope, you are cruel.
I've decided I don't like you and don't want to read you anymore.
Things have been going down hill ever since you told me to "slow my roll" and now...this.
You are a jerk.

Juno/Why I Love My Gay Boyfriend, Erika

So I finally saw Juno.

It was pretty brillant.
You don't see many comedies with a female lead/heroine. Usually in comedies the female is the sidekick or a secondary character...not so here. This movie totally kicks ass. And I can think of no more articulate or eloquent way to say that other than it totally kicks ass. You should really see it. It is one of the most well-written films I've seen in a while. And it is damn funny. Damn funny. Ellen Page delivers some of the best one-liners I've heard. It was so great to see a comedic movie that's doesn't rely on lame sex jokes or druken debauchery or bodily harm to get laughs. I am so happy Ellen Page got the Oscar nomination, because she's absolutely fabulous. I didn't like Superbad, but I still like Michael Cera, and he's very good in the movie as well. All the characters are really great, actually. That's really something special when even the minor characters are memorable. Like, Juno's little step sister. She doesn't even have any damn lines and I remember her, because in one of the beginning scenes she won't stop putting Baco bits on her potato.
Uh. This movie was just good. It's kinda sad that well-written, well-performed, and well-directed movies like this are such a rarity. But I guess that makes them all the more awesome when the come up.
So good.
See it.


REASONS WHY I LOVE MY GAY BOYFRIEND, DAVID:

Ok, I really wish I could post it here...I pretty much exhausted every option...nothing worked. So I instead must rely on my writing skills to describe it to you...
David sent me an Valentine's Day e-card.
An e-card from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.
A Valentine's Day e-card from Mormons.
How awesome is that?
So I open up the card, and it says "Happy Valentine's Day."
There is a picture of an elderly, white, heterosexual couple walking down a path through an autumn forest. Well, at least the man is walking...the woman is in a wheelchair that is being pushed by the man. She is wearing white pants, a blue sweater, and white tennis shoes (so old). Both are looking off happily into the distant forest, as if nothing could be better than being Mormon, being in/pushing a wheelchair, and walking through an autumn forest.
Now, in the portion that David wrote...here is what it said (I should note that before I relate this portion, David calls me "Kyle" and I call him "Erika." Don't ask why it would take far too long to explain. Mayhaps that is a post for another day):
"Um...Erika...could you push a little faster"
"Shut up Kyle...I just had my hip replaced"
"Oh look a squirrel...can we keep him Erika?!"
"The home won't let us Kyle!"
...This might be the best Valentine I've ever received. Next time I see you, if I have access to a computer, ask me to show it to you because it might be one of those, "you kind of have to see it" sorta things.
Oh, David...my funny Valentine.
*Sigh*
We are so going to be in a retirement home together one day. And he will be pushing my wheelchair around an autumn forest.

QUOTE OF THE DAY

MEGHAN: Oh, I know,how about jump your bones?
I love that my BFF used the phrase "jump your bones" of all the things I've heard and thought I'd hear her say..."jumping bones" was not one of them. Love it.

(From the movie Juno)
JUNO: (To a small barking dog)God, Banana! Shut your freakin' gob!
I don't know why I found this so funny, but I bursted out laughing, and was pretty much the only one in the theatre doing so. I am awesome.

JUNO: You should've gone to China, you know, 'cause I hear they give away babies like free iPods. You know, they pretty much just put them in those t-shirt guns and shoot them out at sporting events.
OK, really the entire script could just be one big quote of the day...but here's one more that sent me over the edge...

JUNO: That's good, I heard this one chick took like too many behavioral meds and she went to the mall, ripped off all her clothes, dived into the fountain and was all like "Bla! I AM A KRAKKEN FROM THE SEA!"

P.S. I don't have access to my camera but if I did a weather report for today it would consist of the following:
Me, in bed, wrapped in a crapload of blankets, snuggled up with my giant dog bear...
"Here's the weather report for Chicago...It's COLD!"
It is really, really cold. I can deal with snow and ice and freezing rain...but I have a really hard time with bitter cold. It's pretty dang bitter. So, to my Chicago readers: be safe, stay warm.

A Live Weather Report.

Hi guys. I thought it might be a good idea to send out a weater report for what's going on in the Chicago area right now:


Guess what guys?
I sang in my class the other day and didn't totally mess up! The professor even said I had a nice voice and good pitch and nice tone! Imagine that? I have good pitch and nice tone!

My good friend Carly sent this to me today. You should check it out. It's pretty damn hysterical:
DOs AND DON'Ts WITH BABIES

QUOTE OF THE DAY

(In regards to the baby website)
LOGAN: I especially like the ones where the baby is in the cage, the drawer, or the aquarium, or otherwise contained in a small unopenable space like a good baby should be.

Why oh Why?

Is this so funny to me:

moar funny pictures


QUOTE OF THE DAY
Sehaj: I always think of you when I think buffalo chicken

There is Such A Thing As Too Much God Damn Snow

Dear Snow,
I like you.
You are so pretty when you fall in the moonlight.
And I like the way you glisten in the starlight.
And I like it when you coat the tree branches.
You are so so pretty.
But snow?
By now I'm pretty damn sick of you.
Sorry.
It's not your face, it's just...
I'm sick of you.
Right about now you're like that drunken dude at the party. Who is fun at first, but then gets really obnoxious and really drunk. And everyone wants him to leave. And just when you think he's going to either:
a) Leave or
b) Pass out
he starts singing Bon Jovi songs at the top of his lungs.
Right now, you're like that dude, snow.
Right now you are the obnoxious dude at the party who drunkenly slurs the lyrics to "Livin' on a Prayer."
Right now everyone is rolling their eyes at you and contemplating moving the party to Mexico for the sole purpose of getting away from you.
Sorry, snow.
But that's the way it is.
Take your drunken, Bon Jovi singing ass home.
But you should probably call a taxi because you're a god damn mess.
Love,
Amy




QUOTES OF THE DAY

AMY: Hi, may I speak to Mary please?
MARY: This is Mary, who is this calling?
AMY: This is Amy from the box office. I'm calling because we received your fax to exchange tickets and I was just calling to give you some seating options. We don't have your same seats available but I can put you in just five down in the row.
MARY: Yes, that's fine.
AMY: Ok, I'll go ahead and do that. Because you are moving to a more expensive show there will be a slight balance. That balance due is 13 dollars. What credit card would you like to use for that?
MARY: (Very indignant) I'm in the shower! Can I call you back? Or can you call me back in 20 minutes?

Well Jesus, Mary, and Joseph MARY! How the hell was I supposed to know you were in the damn shower. Why didn't you say that when you picked up the phone. Why did you even ANSWER your phone if you were in the shower?!

DAVID: He thinks he's the greatest thing to ever happen to theatre, and actually he's just the gayest thing to ever happen to theatre.

At work. David is wearing a purple dress shirt with pin stripes. Bart the house manager is wearing a blue shirt with pin stripes.
BART: (To David) I like your shirt.
ME: Aw, look you both kinda match!
BART and DAVID Pause and look at each other.
DAVID: No we really don't. Lesbians. They think anything matches.

DAVID: I'll just put a purple "X" on it, so you know. Gay David.

DAVID: Wow. You just had a fight with you and the old lady in your head.

We were in the box office trying to figure out what time it was in Arizona and California. I google it.
ME: It's 2:18 in Arizona.
(Google some more)
ME: It's 1:19 in California.
(More googling...just for fun...)
ME: Oh! Look, it's 11:20 in Hawaii!!
(I look around)
DAVID: Great. Game's over.

(I was doing an impression of a monkey)
DAVID: Well your monkey is like a monkey that likes to play with boobs.
ME: ...well
DAVID: Lesbian Monkey. Your softball team would be the Andersonville Monkeys.

Later...
DAVID: Ew...boobs.
ME: I like boobs.
DAVID: It's a good thing you don't have giant ones because you'd be playing with them all day. You'd never leave the house.

...This is what happens when I work with David all day.

And one from Meghan...
MEGHAN: i'd so go to minneapolis if the sky was purple all the time.

Pull Up A Chair Kids, I Got A Lot To Say

All right guys.

So...I'm in this class called Voice and Diction, right? And right now what we're doing is just sort of listening to everyone's voice. What that means is: we have to get up in front of the class, talk about where we're from, what we like or don't like about our voice, what we want to get out of the class, what our career goals are, and if we have any history of vocal problems. THEN we have to do a monologue. THEN...*Cue the dramatic music*...we have to sing a song.
It's not a big deal, it's just so the prof and the class can hear our voices...
But dear God I don't sing.
Guys...I'm uh...what's that thing called?
Oh yeah...tone deaf.
I'm so so scared.
Man, I can monologue till the cows come home, but singing...
Yikes.
I've sung in front of people before.
The first time was in Les Mis. I played Gavroche and sang "Little People."
And the answer to your question is, yes. Yes it was the cutest thing in the world.
And the other time I sung in front of people was in college, I sang a random song in a Shakespeare play...it was painfully bad because I couldn't just sing it like a cute little french boy who gets riddled with bullets, I had to actually sing it for real. I was so scared every night and it just was bad. There was this high note at the end I could never quite hit...uh...it's one of those things I think about and just...shake my head. But really, it's sort of hard to feel good about what you're doing onstage when you look like this:

Pat Benatar? What?



ANYWAY
So I have to sing a song.
I'm scared.
I'm intimidated.
I have so much respect and admiration for people who can sing...I WISH I could sing...but alas, alas.
I mean I sing at the top of my lungs in the car...
...but that's really the wrong way to sing. You have to sing with the air in your belly. Not in your lungs.
Anyway...
I really don't know what to sing.
I'm certainly not going to sing anything from a musical because I just don't have that capacity...I need something easy and simple. Here's what I've come up with...they're all pretty easy and can pretty much be done at whatever pitch (is that the right word?):
a) Hey Jude
b) I Want You (Tom Waits)
c) Luck Be A Lady Tonight
I'm putting it to a vote. Let me know what you think I should sing. Or if you have a suggestion, here are the criteria:
a) Easy
b) Easy
c) Something that I won't totally and completely ruin.
Here's the Tom Waits song if you don't know it. Personally, I love it because it's beatiful and simple and short and sweet:

Aw. So good.
Anyway.
I have to sing.
I am bad at singing.
Oh boy, am I freaking out a little. Singing this simple little song scares me than the theatre performance I have to put together...

Speaking of that!
It's going pretty well. Right now I'm exploring a couple options I'm really excited about. I'm going to have a hard time deciding...Bascially, right now the rough premise for the performance-
Ok I won't bore you with it. If you're interested, ask me and I might talk your ear off an hour.

What else did I have to talk about? I feel like I had a lot to say and now...

OH!
The other night I had a dream about chocolate. No, really...I did.
I had a dream that my favorite chocolate bars (Cadbury Dairy Milk) were on sale 10 for 10 dollars at the store.
So the only logical thing to do the next morning after I woke up from this wonderous
sleepy time fantasy was to go to the grocery store.
Alas, they weren't on sale.
So I bought two and a Diet Pepsi and called it breakfast. (No, I didn't really eat the chocolate for breakfast but I did have to excercise a fair amount of restraint.)
Is it bad when you start dreaming about chocolate?
I mean...I suppose it's better than the reoccurring dreams I have about being shot.
Yeah...
I would much rather dream about chocolate.
I wouldn't object to ponies prancing through my mind at night either.

OH!
So there's this lady and she's trying to sell me Mary Kay makeup.
Um.
Seriously?
Have you taken a look at me lately??!
I look like freakin' Harry Potter. I'm way too far gone to ever be helped by the likes of Mary Kay.
But I don't think I've worn makeup since the high school Prom.
Unless I'm onstage when I wear makeup I feel like I'm in drag. So unles you're trying to help me become the most un-fabulous drag queen ever...I don't want to buy your crap.
I can't afford it anyway, so don't waste your time.
Look, I know that crap could "really bring out my eyes" and I could "be so pretty if I just tried."
I've heard it all before sister, and I'm just not interested.
Admittedly, I have a stigma about Mary Kay ladies.
My Dad told me stories about being in the chemo room with my mom and they'd be there trying to sell makeup to patients feeling like and going through hell.
Now I realize most Mary Kay ladies would not sink so low as to show up to a chemo room with every damn hair on their head in place and in tact and with perfectly applied makeup to try and sell makeup to woman who are being injected with a medicine that ravages mind, body, and spirit.
I'm just saying...I have a stigma.
And I have a stimga when people try to "make me pretty."
"Just try! You might like this glitter moonlight passion mango eye shadow! You have such lovely eyes, it's a shame to waste them by not bringing them out!"
You think I'm kidding, and while I am being tongue-in-cheek...it's happened to me before and it really fries my nerves
I don't have to. I don't want to.
I'm not "pretty" like you think I should be and I never will be so there.
So I'll take a pass on the "mambo berry bora bora sunrise lipstick" but I wouldn't be opposed to dating your daughter.
How do you like me now?
I'm not saying I think all Mary Kay ladies are cold heartless bitches...
I'm just saying...the pursuit of a pink Cadillac can lead even the finest souls astray.
Pink never was my color, HOWEVER if I were trying to attain a winged pony...I might be tempted to sell makeup to chemotheraphy patients too.
...oh wait, no I wouldn't.

Times You Know You're Gay

Times you know that you're gay:
When you watch Thelma and Louise in your Screenwriting class and can hear the girls in the class literally gasping outloud at Brad Pitt's shirtless body and shifting in their seats during the sex scene.
And you're sitting there like,
"Hm...I wish I had a cowboy hat. That might be kinda fun. Hmm...wonder when plot point two is going to happen...What should I have for dinner tonight?...Maybe I'll make that frozen pizza. Or pancakes. I do like pancakes...I still wish I had a cowboy hat...I mean, I probably wouldn't wear it out but it would be fun to wear around the house...I bet it would make me feel badass...I wish I had a pony to go with my cowboy hat...What's the deal with this girls in my class? Why are they oogling at? Is it me? Oh. Right. Brad Pitt is half naked...yeah...does nothing for me. Except for his cowboy hat. I want that."


QUOTE OF THE DAY

(I was talking on the phone with Meghan. She said she was going to my blog. She saw the last post full of videos)
MEGHAN: Oh my God. What have you done?

My horoscope for today told me to "slow my roll"
DAVID: (Posted on my facebook wall) Um...Kyle*...there is somthing ive been meaning to tell you. I think your roll is completely out of control. I mean...slow it down already.
*When David is not calling me Magoo, he calls me Kyle

Hahahaha..."your roll is completely out of control." Hahaha...that might be the funniest combination of words I've heard in a while.