Saturday, May 31, 2008
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Huge Nerd
So, while I was organizing and moving things back into the 'burbs I came across some old notebooks I used to keep. And by old notebooks I mean things I wrote in when I was like eight or nine. Of course, I had to share what I found with you.
HERE IS THE SET UP FOR SAID NOTEBOOKS:
It may come as a shock and surprise if I tell you that as a young child I was more or less a loner. I wasn't made fun of too harshly or socially ostracized. For the most part, it was a self-imposed loner-ship. I just always felt that I was a little different from most kids somehow, and consequently spent a lot of time alone. Or hanging out with my brother or cousin. It was alone or hanging out with my brother or cousin that I felt I could really be myself. I can probably count on two hands the number of times I went over to someone's house or someone came over to my house-and that's not a joke or exaggeration.
So...when I was a kid I was way into horses. I was way into animals in general. I wanted to be a vet. As such I was also way into science. I had a microscope which I frequently used and I also had a telescope because I really liked astronomy. So I always had a really hard time making friends because in addition to being a dorky oddball I was also totally and completely shy. I still am pretty shy to those who don't know me, but I've definitely gotten better over the years. When I was little, people were lucky to get two words out of me. I was known as really nice but really quiet and thus, probably a little misunderstood.
Ok. This is the kind of kid I was, right?
I spent a lot of time drawing.
I spent a lot of time reading.
I spent a lot of time with microscope.
And I spent a lot of time writing.
I like to think of my childhood as the gestation period for my artistry. (I said that in a really snobby tone in case you couldn't tell).
So I came across some of my old notebooks. And it's more than a little hilarious that they exist at all to begin with but it's also slightly hilarious how seriously I took myself.
I guess I considered myself a sort of Renascence woman...a lover of science, art and progress. Trying to unlock the mysteries of the universe at age eight.
HERE IS WHAT I FOUND IN THE NOTEBOOKS:
Ok. So in addition to the aforementioned horse notebook above, there is ANOTHER book or packet of horse notes (Which is composed of yellowing sheets of loose leaf bound together with brass brads. It bothers me that the sheets are yellowing. I feel old. Yellowing papers are what you find in the attic of your dead great-grandparents. Not in your own closet!!) ANYWAY what follows are selections from each:
Note the spelling of the word "Diagram"...DIEagram. Whoa. Sounds kinda ominous. My eight year old self is just letting you know...diagrams are a serious business.
Oh, great eight year old Amy. Thanks for letting us know that miniature horses require the same care as a full size horse. I always thought mini horses didn't poop or have to be fed. And also that their head should fit their body. Lesson from this page: mini horses must be be fed and if they have the head of cow this is probably bad news.
In this picture I brilliantly illustrate what a long thick mane looks like. In case you're wondering. This is exactly what it looks like: scribbles.
This page illustrates what can kill your horse. AND also what to feed him to make him grow big and strong. Separated only by one single, wavy line.
I never said I was insighful
Quiz Wuiz? Wuiz?? REALLY, eight year old Amy?? I think my reasoning for completely marring the spelling of "wiz" must have been that quiz has a "u" and wiz rhymes with quiz, so...or like when people spell night as "nite" or like when people purposely misspell things as style thing? Like...Kit Kat Klub?? I love that you can tell by looking at the "u" in wuiz that I clearly thought about spelling it correctly...so what I can gage from this is that I'm too smart for my own good??
Ok. I know "bomb-proof" must mean something in the horse world but I don't know or can't remember what it is. I just think it's hilarious out of context. Nowadays I think bomb proof is a little outdated and that horses should instead be terror proof. Osama won't get my pony!!!
Coftobable?? Iteaget?? Gentel?? Am I writing in english??!!?!
Good thing I found one of these in the back of one of the notebooks:
Ah yes. One of those at-home practice spelling tests my mom made me do. Well, I clearly needed all the help I could get. (Words I spelled wrong I had to write 10 times). Apparently in addition to have trouble spelling comfortable, intelligent and gentle, I also had issues with libraries, canaries and blueberries. I was a way special little kid.
And here is a random page I found in which I illustrate (literally) my observations of shrimp eggs from underneath my microscope. Each circle represents a different magnification. Yeah. Like I said...not many friends:
HERE IS THE SET UP FOR SAID NOTEBOOKS:
It may come as a shock and surprise if I tell you that as a young child I was more or less a loner. I wasn't made fun of too harshly or socially ostracized. For the most part, it was a self-imposed loner-ship. I just always felt that I was a little different from most kids somehow, and consequently spent a lot of time alone. Or hanging out with my brother or cousin. It was alone or hanging out with my brother or cousin that I felt I could really be myself. I can probably count on two hands the number of times I went over to someone's house or someone came over to my house-and that's not a joke or exaggeration.
So...when I was a kid I was way into horses. I was way into animals in general. I wanted to be a vet. As such I was also way into science. I had a microscope which I frequently used and I also had a telescope because I really liked astronomy. So I always had a really hard time making friends because in addition to being a dorky oddball I was also totally and completely shy. I still am pretty shy to those who don't know me, but I've definitely gotten better over the years. When I was little, people were lucky to get two words out of me. I was known as really nice but really quiet and thus, probably a little misunderstood.
Ok. This is the kind of kid I was, right?
I spent a lot of time drawing.
I spent a lot of time reading.
I spent a lot of time with microscope.
And I spent a lot of time writing.
I like to think of my childhood as the gestation period for my artistry. (I said that in a really snobby tone in case you couldn't tell).
So I came across some of my old notebooks. And it's more than a little hilarious that they exist at all to begin with but it's also slightly hilarious how seriously I took myself.
I guess I considered myself a sort of Renascence woman...a lover of science, art and progress. Trying to unlock the mysteries of the universe at age eight.
HERE IS WHAT I FOUND IN THE NOTEBOOKS:
Ok. So in addition to the aforementioned horse notebook above, there is ANOTHER book or packet of horse notes (Which is composed of yellowing sheets of loose leaf bound together with brass brads. It bothers me that the sheets are yellowing. I feel old. Yellowing papers are what you find in the attic of your dead great-grandparents. Not in your own closet!!) ANYWAY what follows are selections from each:
Note the spelling of the word "Diagram"...DIEagram. Whoa. Sounds kinda ominous. My eight year old self is just letting you know...diagrams are a serious business.
Oh, great eight year old Amy. Thanks for letting us know that miniature horses require the same care as a full size horse. I always thought mini horses didn't poop or have to be fed. And also that their head should fit their body. Lesson from this page: mini horses must be be fed and if they have the head of cow this is probably bad news.
In this picture I brilliantly illustrate what a long thick mane looks like. In case you're wondering. This is exactly what it looks like: scribbles.
This page illustrates what can kill your horse. AND also what to feed him to make him grow big and strong. Separated only by one single, wavy line.
I never said I was insighful
Quiz Wuiz? Wuiz?? REALLY, eight year old Amy?? I think my reasoning for completely marring the spelling of "wiz" must have been that quiz has a "u" and wiz rhymes with quiz, so...or like when people spell night as "nite" or like when people purposely misspell things as style thing? Like...Kit Kat Klub?? I love that you can tell by looking at the "u" in wuiz that I clearly thought about spelling it correctly...so what I can gage from this is that I'm too smart for my own good??
Ok. I know "bomb-proof" must mean something in the horse world but I don't know or can't remember what it is. I just think it's hilarious out of context. Nowadays I think bomb proof is a little outdated and that horses should instead be terror proof. Osama won't get my pony!!!
Coftobable?? Iteaget?? Gentel?? Am I writing in english??!!?!
Good thing I found one of these in the back of one of the notebooks:
Ah yes. One of those at-home practice spelling tests my mom made me do. Well, I clearly needed all the help I could get. (Words I spelled wrong I had to write 10 times). Apparently in addition to have trouble spelling comfortable, intelligent and gentle, I also had issues with libraries, canaries and blueberries. I was a way special little kid.
And here is a random page I found in which I illustrate (literally) my observations of shrimp eggs from underneath my microscope. Each circle represents a different magnification. Yeah. Like I said...not many friends:
Things I Love About Being Home Episode #1
So I recently (as in yesterday) moved back to my home in the suburbs with my Dad and brother. I'm sure I will soon be blogging hilarious stories about how we get on each other's nerves in a sitcom sort of way but for now...it's kinda nice to be home and living with people again.
Here's something I love about being home:
Spend an hour by yourself youtubing and you feel guilty about the time you've wasted.
Spend an hour with your brother youtubing and not only do you enjoy the wonders of youtube but the wonders of siblinghood as well.
I bet you're now wondering what my brother and I spent an hour youtubing on the couch this morning and my answer is quite simple: puppies and kittens.
You think I'm kidding. But oh no. I am not. This is why I love my brother: he's awesome enough to sit down with his nerdy older sister and laugh incessantly and hilarious videos of puppies, kittens, or puppies and kittens, or puppies and kittens duking it out in a mortal match of playfulness. My brother might have a chin up bar in his room and talk about things like building muscle mass and drinking protein shakes, but at the end of the day I know he'll be easily swayed to sit with me and watch youtube videos of animals doing hilarious and ridiculous things.
Here is the evidence of our youtube session. What follows is a sort of "best of" of what we youtubed.
This video, I'm not going to lie breaks my heart a little. It really, really does. Mostly because it's funny in that "break your heart" kinda way and makes me want to hunt down this puppy and hold him close to me and love him until the day I die. Warning: if you like puppies and/or do not have a heart made of stone this video will turn you into a puddle of mush (p.s. I've watched it no less that 20 times already):
I'm not really sure if I buy that the puppy is screaming "Elmo" but I am damn sure he's the cutest damn thing I've seen all week. And that even includes surpassing the cuteness of my own puppy. Seriously. And I love my puppy, but damn.
This one is pretty great. I love the one puppy that steps on the other puppies head. And then entire body. I love that there is like eight of them and they are still scared of the cat. Awesome:
This battle is epic and amazing. And I love that the kitten constantly surprise attacks the dog:
This one is absolute and total genius. I've never seen a video that so brilliantly captures what it is to be a cat:
This one is also pretty amazing. It does make me a little sad though because unlike the other this puppy does not seem to want to play. It makes me sad the little puppy gets pwned by the nasty cat:
Holy crap. My brother and I laughed and laughed:
Absolutely frightening and also makes me very sad that this cat is so angry. I would want to love this cat and make him believe in humanity again, but I also like my internal organs where they are:
This video is a-mazing. It's a little long but totally worth it. Or, at least it was worth it this morning as my brother and I sat on the couch for an hour promising ourselves "just one more, just one more." The first minute and half of this video is probably the best part:
...and again...
I can guarantee you right now you will have to watch this more than once.
Here's something I love about being home:
Spend an hour by yourself youtubing and you feel guilty about the time you've wasted.
Spend an hour with your brother youtubing and not only do you enjoy the wonders of youtube but the wonders of siblinghood as well.
I bet you're now wondering what my brother and I spent an hour youtubing on the couch this morning and my answer is quite simple: puppies and kittens.
You think I'm kidding. But oh no. I am not. This is why I love my brother: he's awesome enough to sit down with his nerdy older sister and laugh incessantly and hilarious videos of puppies, kittens, or puppies and kittens, or puppies and kittens duking it out in a mortal match of playfulness. My brother might have a chin up bar in his room and talk about things like building muscle mass and drinking protein shakes, but at the end of the day I know he'll be easily swayed to sit with me and watch youtube videos of animals doing hilarious and ridiculous things.
Here is the evidence of our youtube session. What follows is a sort of "best of" of what we youtubed.
This video, I'm not going to lie breaks my heart a little. It really, really does. Mostly because it's funny in that "break your heart" kinda way and makes me want to hunt down this puppy and hold him close to me and love him until the day I die. Warning: if you like puppies and/or do not have a heart made of stone this video will turn you into a puddle of mush (p.s. I've watched it no less that 20 times already):
I'm not really sure if I buy that the puppy is screaming "Elmo" but I am damn sure he's the cutest damn thing I've seen all week. And that even includes surpassing the cuteness of my own puppy. Seriously. And I love my puppy, but damn.
This one is pretty great. I love the one puppy that steps on the other puppies head. And then entire body. I love that there is like eight of them and they are still scared of the cat. Awesome:
This battle is epic and amazing. And I love that the kitten constantly surprise attacks the dog:
This one is absolute and total genius. I've never seen a video that so brilliantly captures what it is to be a cat:
This one is also pretty amazing. It does make me a little sad though because unlike the other this puppy does not seem to want to play. It makes me sad the little puppy gets pwned by the nasty cat:
Holy crap. My brother and I laughed and laughed:
Absolutely frightening and also makes me very sad that this cat is so angry. I would want to love this cat and make him believe in humanity again, but I also like my internal organs where they are:
This video is a-mazing. It's a little long but totally worth it. Or, at least it was worth it this morning as my brother and I sat on the couch for an hour promising ourselves "just one more, just one more." The first minute and half of this video is probably the best part:
...and again...
I can guarantee you right now you will have to watch this more than once.
Friday, May 23, 2008
Working With David In the Box Part II
DAVID: Let's watch the trailer for The Strangers!!
ME: Let's not. I have it on my computer and I'm not even watching it with sound and it's freaking me out! Ohhh Liv Tyler is in it! Liv Tyler is pretty I don't want to see her die!!
DAVID: She doesn't die. They all go to a farm. And play...pictionary.
*We watch trailer. I'm standing next to him while we watch at a non-scary moment he jumps out at me. I jump 10 feet*
ME: Jerk!
*We finish watching the trailer*
ME: Hell no. No way.
DAVID: What do you want to go see?? Kung Fu Panda???
ME: No!
DAVID: Harold and Kumar??
ME: Definitely not!
DAVID: Narnia??
ME: (pause)...maybe a little.
DAVID: Uh-huh.
ME: There's sword fighting!!!
DAVID: Uh-huh. Whatever.
ME: But there's sword fighting! That's cool!
DAVID: Not as cool as live sword fighting in theatre. That's cool.
(Pause)
ME: Well, Timeline's running Mask of Zorro. That has sword fighting we should go see that!
DAVID: I didn't say I wanted to go see theatre with sword-fighting. I'm just saying it's better.
ME: Oh. Well, Raven is also running a show that's done by Babes with Blades.
DAVID: Oh yeah you'd love that wouldn't you????
ME: I would! I would!
DAVID: You'd think it was hot, wouldn't you??
ME: No, but I'd probably want to be them. AND the picture from the show makes me think there's lesbian undertones!!!!
DAVID: Duh there's lesbian undertones. It's called Babes with Blades.
ME: Let's not. I have it on my computer and I'm not even watching it with sound and it's freaking me out! Ohhh Liv Tyler is in it! Liv Tyler is pretty I don't want to see her die!!
DAVID: She doesn't die. They all go to a farm. And play...pictionary.
*We watch trailer. I'm standing next to him while we watch at a non-scary moment he jumps out at me. I jump 10 feet*
ME: Jerk!
*We finish watching the trailer*
ME: Hell no. No way.
DAVID: What do you want to go see?? Kung Fu Panda???
ME: No!
DAVID: Harold and Kumar??
ME: Definitely not!
DAVID: Narnia??
ME: (pause)...maybe a little.
DAVID: Uh-huh.
ME: There's sword fighting!!!
DAVID: Uh-huh. Whatever.
ME: But there's sword fighting! That's cool!
DAVID: Not as cool as live sword fighting in theatre. That's cool.
(Pause)
ME: Well, Timeline's running Mask of Zorro. That has sword fighting we should go see that!
DAVID: I didn't say I wanted to go see theatre with sword-fighting. I'm just saying it's better.
ME: Oh. Well, Raven is also running a show that's done by Babes with Blades.
DAVID: Oh yeah you'd love that wouldn't you????
ME: I would! I would!
DAVID: You'd think it was hot, wouldn't you??
ME: No, but I'd probably want to be them. AND the picture from the show makes me think there's lesbian undertones!!!!
DAVID: Duh there's lesbian undertones. It's called Babes with Blades.
Working in The Box With David
So David and I were talking about scary movies. He was talking about trying to convince a friend to go see a scary movie with him. David was sad because much like me, said friend doesn't really like scary movies. Well here is where I should point that THIS is the movie David tried to convince me and his friend to go see:
Um...No.
No.
I will not pay 8.50 to hide in my hoodie.
Like I've said before I can do the ghost/supernatural/psychological scary movie. I can not deal with people wearing masks sneaking into houses to play games with and eventually kill the people inside the houses.
Can.
Not.
Do.
If I do then I will see people in the dark corners of my room late at night with butcher knives, poised and ready wreck havoc on my entrails all for laughs. I have too much to do in life, I cannot die at 22 at the hands of psychopath.
Anyway. So this happened:
DAVID: So he told me if we went to see it he'd have to hold my hand. And then he said he'd have to squeeze my hand. And I was like, 'Well, yeah me too!'
ME: You should always go see a scary movie with a love interest it's an excuse to hold their hand.
DAVID: I know right? 'I'm going to have hold you hand.'
ME: 'Um. Hi, I'm Amy. I'm going to have to sit in your lap.'
DAVID: 'I'm going to have to clutch your arm.'
ME: 'I'm going to have to clutch...you.'
DAVID: 'I'm going to need to be cradled...like a baby'
*Insert me pantomiming with sound effects being afraid of a movie and clutching and invisible person whose lap I am sitting in*
*David and I cracking up*
ME: Why don't we have a TV show?
So I'm pretty much over my annoying sickness. But there are still some vestiges of it that remain. My voice isn't totally back to normal, I sneeze and cough occasionally. And sometimes I make noises that are in between a cough and clearing of the throat.
*I make such noise*
*David turns and stares at me and gives me the gross face*
*I make such noise a few moments later*
*David turns and stares at me and gives me the gross face*
DAVID: You're like a horse. Just making occasional random noises.
*I laugh and delighting in the notion that I could be a horse start to make horse noises. David gives me the "oh no you didn't" face*
DAIVD: No.
So...apparently there's a big bag of shelled peanuts in the upstairs office. David brought down a cup full and asks me if I want a peanut. I say yes and he gives me some.
ME: Oh. They have shells.
DAVID: Yeah, is that ok?
ME: Oh yeah. It's just weird. Did we hire and elephant or something?
DAVID: Yeah, haven't you heard?
ME: No. I haven't met him yet. What's his name?
DAVID: Stampy. We love him.
ME: Aw. It's sweet we're being diverse and hiring elephants. Where does he work?
DAVID: Marketing.
*CUT TO*
David had gone upstairs to talk to someone. I am sitting alone in the box on the phone with a costumer. Suddenly, something comes flying through the box window. I try and ignore it and continue with the order. Something flies through the window again. I assume David is shooting rubber bands at me because he was doing so earlier for about 10 minutes. I suddenly see David at the window, grinning as he throws another what I figured out were peanuts through the window at me. He comes through the door cracking up.
DAVID: I thought you'd think Stampy was coming to visit.
He walks in the door and we start to pick up the peanuts from the floor. We find two. We know there were more than that. David walks back to his desk
*Insert sound effect of peanut crunching under his foot*
DAVID: Found it.
Um...No.
No.
I will not pay 8.50 to hide in my hoodie.
Like I've said before I can do the ghost/supernatural/psychological scary movie. I can not deal with people wearing masks sneaking into houses to play games with and eventually kill the people inside the houses.
Can.
Not.
Do.
If I do then I will see people in the dark corners of my room late at night with butcher knives, poised and ready wreck havoc on my entrails all for laughs. I have too much to do in life, I cannot die at 22 at the hands of psychopath.
Anyway. So this happened:
DAVID: So he told me if we went to see it he'd have to hold my hand. And then he said he'd have to squeeze my hand. And I was like, 'Well, yeah me too!'
ME: You should always go see a scary movie with a love interest it's an excuse to hold their hand.
DAVID: I know right? 'I'm going to have hold you hand.'
ME: 'Um. Hi, I'm Amy. I'm going to have to sit in your lap.'
DAVID: 'I'm going to have to clutch your arm.'
ME: 'I'm going to have to clutch...you.'
DAVID: 'I'm going to need to be cradled...like a baby'
*Insert me pantomiming with sound effects being afraid of a movie and clutching and invisible person whose lap I am sitting in*
*David and I cracking up*
ME: Why don't we have a TV show?
So I'm pretty much over my annoying sickness. But there are still some vestiges of it that remain. My voice isn't totally back to normal, I sneeze and cough occasionally. And sometimes I make noises that are in between a cough and clearing of the throat.
*I make such noise*
*David turns and stares at me and gives me the gross face*
*I make such noise a few moments later*
*David turns and stares at me and gives me the gross face*
DAVID: You're like a horse. Just making occasional random noises.
*I laugh and delighting in the notion that I could be a horse start to make horse noises. David gives me the "oh no you didn't" face*
DAIVD: No.
So...apparently there's a big bag of shelled peanuts in the upstairs office. David brought down a cup full and asks me if I want a peanut. I say yes and he gives me some.
ME: Oh. They have shells.
DAVID: Yeah, is that ok?
ME: Oh yeah. It's just weird. Did we hire and elephant or something?
DAVID: Yeah, haven't you heard?
ME: No. I haven't met him yet. What's his name?
DAVID: Stampy. We love him.
ME: Aw. It's sweet we're being diverse and hiring elephants. Where does he work?
DAVID: Marketing.
*CUT TO*
David had gone upstairs to talk to someone. I am sitting alone in the box on the phone with a costumer. Suddenly, something comes flying through the box window. I try and ignore it and continue with the order. Something flies through the window again. I assume David is shooting rubber bands at me because he was doing so earlier for about 10 minutes. I suddenly see David at the window, grinning as he throws another what I figured out were peanuts through the window at me. He comes through the door cracking up.
DAVID: I thought you'd think Stampy was coming to visit.
He walks in the door and we start to pick up the peanuts from the floor. We find two. We know there were more than that. David walks back to his desk
*Insert sound effect of peanut crunching under his foot*
DAVID: Found it.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Some Good Conversations I've Had Lately
AT THE STUDIO
(All the following studio conversations happened on the same day).
LITTLE GIRL: Can you reach that flower??
(I reach up and touch a flower we having hanging from the ceiling of the studio)
ME: Yup.
LITTLE GIRL: Can you touch the ceiling?
( I reach up. No dice.)
ME: Nope. I'm too short.
LITTLE GIRL: Will you ever be able to reach it?
ME: Probably not. I'm all grown up so I'm done growing.
LITTLE GIRL: You're done growing??
ME: Yup. I'm all grown up.
LITTLE GIRL: Oh. (Pause) Are you a Dad?
ME: No, I'm not a Dad.
ANOTHER LITTLE GIRL: Are you a boy or a girl?
ME: I'm a b-(oops) girl. I'm a girl.
ANOTHER LITTLE GIRL: (Muy perplexed) You're a girl?!
ME: Yes.
ANOTHER LITTLE GIRL: Then how come you got short hair?
ME: 'Cause I like me hair this way.
ANOTHER LITTLE GIRL: You like your hair that way?
ME: Yes. I think it looks cool short.
(All the little girls at the table look at me like I'm off my rocker)
YET ANOTHER LITTLE GIRL: Are you a boy or a girl?
ME: I'm a girl.
(Little girl elbows the little girl next to her)
YET ANOTHER LITTLE GIRL: See! I told you.
OTHER LITTLE GIRL: How come you where boy clothes if you're a girl.
(Ah. Touche)
ME: These aren't boy clothes.
(Girls look at me like I'm nuts, I gesture to my beat up, old, paint-ridden t-shirt)
ME: This is just a t-shirt. It's my paint shirt.
AT HOME
JIM: Yeah, that girl is such a slut.
ME: Jimmy!
JIM: What?!
ME: That is not a nice word.
JIM: What?! It's true!
ME: I don't care it's not a nice word to use when talking about a woman.
JIM: But it's true! She sleeps with everyone and anyone on campus.
ME: I don't care! It's not a nice word.
JIM: So what should I call her then? A prostitute that you don't have to pay?
ME: Jimmy!!
JIM: What??? Aim. Aim, she's a slut. She sleeps around. It's true.
ME: Well, it's not a good word to use when talking about a woman, number one. Number two, how is it any of your damn business what this girl does in bed and with whom? She doesn't even go to your school!
JIM: It's my business when she does it with everyone. AND she goes to school with Katie [friend of his].
ME: No. It's not. It's not your business. You shouldn't walk around calling her a slut!
JIM: Yes, when she sleeps with everyone. It's everyone's business.
ME: No it's not. And it's not nice.
*During the course of the conversation my brother had been readying himself to go for a run. Which involved applying sunscreen only to his ugly-ass tattoo*
ME: That thing is so ugly.
JIM: You're the only one who doesn't like it.
ME: I'm entitled to my right not to like it. It's ugly.
JIM: (Mocking me) Oh, but Aim ugly isn't a nice word.
ME: No, slut isn't a nice word. Ugly is a legitimate word to describe the hideous monstrosity on your back.
*Jimmy starts to laugh*
JIM: I hate you.
(All the following studio conversations happened on the same day).
LITTLE GIRL: Can you reach that flower??
(I reach up and touch a flower we having hanging from the ceiling of the studio)
ME: Yup.
LITTLE GIRL: Can you touch the ceiling?
( I reach up. No dice.)
ME: Nope. I'm too short.
LITTLE GIRL: Will you ever be able to reach it?
ME: Probably not. I'm all grown up so I'm done growing.
LITTLE GIRL: You're done growing??
ME: Yup. I'm all grown up.
LITTLE GIRL: Oh. (Pause) Are you a Dad?
ME: No, I'm not a Dad.
ANOTHER LITTLE GIRL: Are you a boy or a girl?
ME: I'm a b-(oops) girl. I'm a girl.
ANOTHER LITTLE GIRL: (Muy perplexed) You're a girl?!
ME: Yes.
ANOTHER LITTLE GIRL: Then how come you got short hair?
ME: 'Cause I like me hair this way.
ANOTHER LITTLE GIRL: You like your hair that way?
ME: Yes. I think it looks cool short.
(All the little girls at the table look at me like I'm off my rocker)
YET ANOTHER LITTLE GIRL: Are you a boy or a girl?
ME: I'm a girl.
(Little girl elbows the little girl next to her)
YET ANOTHER LITTLE GIRL: See! I told you.
OTHER LITTLE GIRL: How come you where boy clothes if you're a girl.
(Ah. Touche)
ME: These aren't boy clothes.
(Girls look at me like I'm nuts, I gesture to my beat up, old, paint-ridden t-shirt)
ME: This is just a t-shirt. It's my paint shirt.
AT HOME
JIM: Yeah, that girl is such a slut.
ME: Jimmy!
JIM: What?!
ME: That is not a nice word.
JIM: What?! It's true!
ME: I don't care it's not a nice word to use when talking about a woman.
JIM: But it's true! She sleeps with everyone and anyone on campus.
ME: I don't care! It's not a nice word.
JIM: So what should I call her then? A prostitute that you don't have to pay?
ME: Jimmy!!
JIM: What??? Aim. Aim, she's a slut. She sleeps around. It's true.
ME: Well, it's not a good word to use when talking about a woman, number one. Number two, how is it any of your damn business what this girl does in bed and with whom? She doesn't even go to your school!
JIM: It's my business when she does it with everyone. AND she goes to school with Katie [friend of his].
ME: No. It's not. It's not your business. You shouldn't walk around calling her a slut!
JIM: Yes, when she sleeps with everyone. It's everyone's business.
ME: No it's not. And it's not nice.
*During the course of the conversation my brother had been readying himself to go for a run. Which involved applying sunscreen only to his ugly-ass tattoo*
ME: That thing is so ugly.
JIM: You're the only one who doesn't like it.
ME: I'm entitled to my right not to like it. It's ugly.
JIM: (Mocking me) Oh, but Aim ugly isn't a nice word.
ME: No, slut isn't a nice word. Ugly is a legitimate word to describe the hideous monstrosity on your back.
*Jimmy starts to laugh*
JIM: I hate you.
So Much To Blog About
Holy smokes so much to blog about today!!
Ok. First, we must talk about how my mind plays tricks on me/messes with me as if I were a five year old.
So...my next movie to arrive on Netflix is Guillermo del Toro's El Orfanato.
I don't like slasher scary movies, but every once in a while I enjoy a supernatural scary movie that's more psychological rather than, "Billy Bob was shot here nine years ago and his restless spirit is haunting the sorority house he once lived in, join us as Billy Bob peeps in on collegiate girls having half-naked pillow fights and eventually reaps his revenge in a bloody massacre. Girls will get stabbed in the shower and during sex, please come see the movie that will teach young boys to associate sex with violence!"
Also, this movie is a foreign movie. I like foreign movies. Especially those of the French and Spanish variety. And especially those of the Guillermo del Toro variety. Pan's Labyrinth, anyone?
So David saw this movie and said it was really good but freaky. So I added it to my Netflix a long time ago making sure it was at the bottom so I wouldn't have to watch it for a while. It has finally made it's way up to being my next movie. Netflix sent me a little email saying, "We're shipping El Orfanato Tuesday!" And then I remembered. And it was too late to replace it with something less frightening.
I have not seen the movie yet.
The movie has not even arrived at my house yet.
But the mere prospect of watching the movie alone in my apartment...gave me nightmares last night.
Swear.
Good job, Guillermo del Toro. I haven't even seen El Orfanato yet and I'm already having El Orfanto themed nightmares!!
And yes, I probably will watch it when it arrives tonight.
a) Because I sort of kind of want to see it.
b) Because I am stubborn. "I can watch this movie by myself and go to bed a few hours later by myself and exist in a big apartment by myself for the next few days. I'll be fiiiine. Pssh."
c) Because it's coming whether I like it or not and I only get two movies a month and I payed for it dammit.
...so think of me tonight, guys. I'll be watching a hella scary movie all by myself. 'Cause I'm a big girl. Right?? I'm...a...big girl. Oh man. I wish I was still ten and had the excuse to run to my parent's bedroom when I was scared and sleep in their hardwoord floor. Oh yes. When I was little you had to be pretty damn scared to go sleep in Mom and Dad's room 'cause it might sleeping the night on a hard floor and waking up with a smashed face and backache.
Also...turning on the lights at work involves going in a dark theatre. You have to go into the tech booth which has large windows that overlook the theatre. Standing in one of the rows was a wardrobe mannequin. When I saw it I freaked 'cause I thought there was someone inside the theatre. A moment of staring led me to the conclusion it was a wardrobe mannequin and...uh...not a ghost.
My brain is weird.
Ok...in other news about REALLY scary things...GAS PRICES.
Holy friggin' smokes.
Chicago has the highest gas prices in the NATION.
GREAT!
I made the mistake of filling up in the city the other day and payed 4.24/gallon for regular unleaded. 4.24!!! SHEESH. The 'burbs are still real expensive. At least 4.00/gallon. Usually it ends up being 4.00 and some cents.
I heard on the radio today that oil is 130 bucks a barrel and it's estimated to top 150 a barrel by the end of the year. Which means...5.00/gallon gas?!?!?!?!?! Maybe?! I don't know I'm bad at math but that's about what my calculations gave me. YIKES!
I am not excited to move back to the suburbs but I am excited I won't be commuting 20miles each way to work anymore.
I've also decided I'm riding my bike EVERYWHERE this summer. It's less than a mile to the studio and only about three miles to the theatre from my house, so there's really no excuse not to. And I won't put myself into credit card debt filling up my damn car.
And what does our fair President do to remedy this malady??
He goes to Saudi Arabia and asks the King to increase oil production.
What a stooge. Of course he's gonna say, "Um...NO!"
What we should be doing is figuring out ways to maybe not be so DEPENDENT foreign oil and let's face it...oil in general. We would all be a lot better off if we worked on ways to not need oil. Think about how awesome that would be! And the polar bears would thanks us too!! It's like eating two pies with one fork: we don't suffer so oil companies can get richer AND we help the environment. (AND if you ask me we take an imporant step in solving a problem in a way that benifits the vast majority of people and NOT the freakin COMPANIES!!) (I'm sorry, I'm sorry but I'm currently going through my "Capitalism is the root of all evil phase.")
In other NON scary news:
So the other day I was on youtube in order to find clips from Young Frankenstein...THIS:
Led to THIS:
Which leads me to:
Oh my God! I wish I could move like this man. And also...I want his outfit.
...Also, not to alarm anyone but all of Young Frankenstein (the movie version not the crappy Broadway Musical version) is available on youtube. Run.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
ARIANA: Because peeccaan pieeee tastes better than homophobia.
Truer words were never said.
Ok. First, we must talk about how my mind plays tricks on me/messes with me as if I were a five year old.
So...my next movie to arrive on Netflix is Guillermo del Toro's El Orfanato.
I don't like slasher scary movies, but every once in a while I enjoy a supernatural scary movie that's more psychological rather than, "Billy Bob was shot here nine years ago and his restless spirit is haunting the sorority house he once lived in, join us as Billy Bob peeps in on collegiate girls having half-naked pillow fights and eventually reaps his revenge in a bloody massacre. Girls will get stabbed in the shower and during sex, please come see the movie that will teach young boys to associate sex with violence!"
Also, this movie is a foreign movie. I like foreign movies. Especially those of the French and Spanish variety. And especially those of the Guillermo del Toro variety. Pan's Labyrinth, anyone?
So David saw this movie and said it was really good but freaky. So I added it to my Netflix a long time ago making sure it was at the bottom so I wouldn't have to watch it for a while. It has finally made it's way up to being my next movie. Netflix sent me a little email saying, "We're shipping El Orfanato Tuesday!" And then I remembered. And it was too late to replace it with something less frightening.
I have not seen the movie yet.
The movie has not even arrived at my house yet.
But the mere prospect of watching the movie alone in my apartment...gave me nightmares last night.
Swear.
Good job, Guillermo del Toro. I haven't even seen El Orfanato yet and I'm already having El Orfanto themed nightmares!!
And yes, I probably will watch it when it arrives tonight.
a) Because I sort of kind of want to see it.
b) Because I am stubborn. "I can watch this movie by myself and go to bed a few hours later by myself and exist in a big apartment by myself for the next few days. I'll be fiiiine. Pssh."
c) Because it's coming whether I like it or not and I only get two movies a month and I payed for it dammit.
...so think of me tonight, guys. I'll be watching a hella scary movie all by myself. 'Cause I'm a big girl. Right?? I'm...a...big girl. Oh man. I wish I was still ten and had the excuse to run to my parent's bedroom when I was scared and sleep in their hardwoord floor. Oh yes. When I was little you had to be pretty damn scared to go sleep in Mom and Dad's room 'cause it might sleeping the night on a hard floor and waking up with a smashed face and backache.
Also...turning on the lights at work involves going in a dark theatre. You have to go into the tech booth which has large windows that overlook the theatre. Standing in one of the rows was a wardrobe mannequin. When I saw it I freaked 'cause I thought there was someone inside the theatre. A moment of staring led me to the conclusion it was a wardrobe mannequin and...uh...not a ghost.
My brain is weird.
Ok...in other news about REALLY scary things...GAS PRICES.
Holy friggin' smokes.
Chicago has the highest gas prices in the NATION.
GREAT!
I made the mistake of filling up in the city the other day and payed 4.24/gallon for regular unleaded. 4.24!!! SHEESH. The 'burbs are still real expensive. At least 4.00/gallon. Usually it ends up being 4.00 and some cents.
I heard on the radio today that oil is 130 bucks a barrel and it's estimated to top 150 a barrel by the end of the year. Which means...5.00/gallon gas?!?!?!?!?! Maybe?! I don't know I'm bad at math but that's about what my calculations gave me. YIKES!
I am not excited to move back to the suburbs but I am excited I won't be commuting 20miles each way to work anymore.
I've also decided I'm riding my bike EVERYWHERE this summer. It's less than a mile to the studio and only about three miles to the theatre from my house, so there's really no excuse not to. And I won't put myself into credit card debt filling up my damn car.
And what does our fair President do to remedy this malady??
He goes to Saudi Arabia and asks the King to increase oil production.
What a stooge. Of course he's gonna say, "Um...NO!"
What we should be doing is figuring out ways to maybe not be so DEPENDENT foreign oil and let's face it...oil in general. We would all be a lot better off if we worked on ways to not need oil. Think about how awesome that would be! And the polar bears would thanks us too!! It's like eating two pies with one fork: we don't suffer so oil companies can get richer AND we help the environment. (AND if you ask me we take an imporant step in solving a problem in a way that benifits the vast majority of people and NOT the freakin COMPANIES!!) (I'm sorry, I'm sorry but I'm currently going through my "Capitalism is the root of all evil phase.")
In other NON scary news:
So the other day I was on youtube in order to find clips from Young Frankenstein...THIS:
Led to THIS:
Which leads me to:
Oh my God! I wish I could move like this man. And also...I want his outfit.
...Also, not to alarm anyone but all of Young Frankenstein (the movie version not the crappy Broadway Musical version) is available on youtube. Run.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
ARIANA: Because peeccaan pieeee tastes better than homophobia.
Truer words were never said.
Friday, May 16, 2008
QUOTE OF THE DAY
Phone rings. I have a cold, thus am not speaking very well my nose is stuffed. Use your imagination.
ME: Thank you for calling the box office. This is Amy how may I help you?
MAN: Abee I've never heard that name before. That's so interesting how are you Abee?
ME: Oh. My name is Amy. I'm sorry I have a cold.
MAN: Abee?
ME: Amy. A-M-Y. Excuse me I have I cold.
MAN: Oh, I'm sorry.
(Proceeds to ask me weird questions about the theatre. Says that Bruce Springstein or Paul McCartney would like to play at Mteropolis. Right.)
MAN: Well thank you Amy, you've been very helpful. I'm sorry you have a cold and I hope you feel better.
ME: Thank you.
MAN: What is this it's not even a summer cold? It's like a spring-winter cold?
ME: I guess. I don't know.
MAN: I bet you got it from your boyfriend.
ME: Oh yeah. You're totally right.
MAN: You know he's no good you've gotta get rid of him. Get rid of him to so can get better. No messin' around.
ME: I'll do that.
MAN: Well ok. You've been a great help. You have a great day.
ME: You too.
Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.
On all levels.
Don't try and schmooz me man. I cna see right through you.
And don't talk about me messin' around with my boyfriend!
a) Inapprops
b) Gross
c) CREEPY!
ME: Thank you for calling the box office. This is Amy how may I help you?
MAN: Abee I've never heard that name before. That's so interesting how are you Abee?
ME: Oh. My name is Amy. I'm sorry I have a cold.
MAN: Abee?
ME: Amy. A-M-Y. Excuse me I have I cold.
MAN: Oh, I'm sorry.
(Proceeds to ask me weird questions about the theatre. Says that Bruce Springstein or Paul McCartney would like to play at Mteropolis. Right.)
MAN: Well thank you Amy, you've been very helpful. I'm sorry you have a cold and I hope you feel better.
ME: Thank you.
MAN: What is this it's not even a summer cold? It's like a spring-winter cold?
ME: I guess. I don't know.
MAN: I bet you got it from your boyfriend.
ME: Oh yeah. You're totally right.
MAN: You know he's no good you've gotta get rid of him. Get rid of him to so can get better. No messin' around.
ME: I'll do that.
MAN: Well ok. You've been a great help. You have a great day.
ME: You too.
Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.
On all levels.
Don't try and schmooz me man. I cna see right through you.
And don't talk about me messin' around with my boyfriend!
a) Inapprops
b) Gross
c) CREEPY!
Chicken and Maximus
This is what we look like when we look hot and don't wear sombreros. Just sayin'. Also, thanks for bending down and making me look like the taller one, Chicken. I really 'ppreciate it.
What Else Is Annoying About Being Annoying Sick??
It wakes you up at 4am. The inability to breath coupled with the inability to find a comfortable spot coupled or I guess not coupled because now there's more than two things...menage a trois-ed with a sore throat = me blogging here now.
Booooooooo...
I have to work both jobs today for an all day work extravaganza. Breathing ability would be nice. I'll stop at the store on my way and pick up some decongestants. Yes. That is what I will do. I am going to stop this blog now before it goes any further because lord knows 4am and being annoying sick can't be a good writing combo and will only lead to me saying something dumb, awkward or both.
You know what's weird? See, I can't shutup can I?
I kept having dreams about driving to work. Particularly, about this one stretch of road I normally take that is now under construction and I always forget to take a different way so than I have to take a detour that is stupid. And then it started to rain and I couldn't see.
...I can hear the morning birds singing. This is something nice about being up at 4am.
Booooooooo...
I have to work both jobs today for an all day work extravaganza. Breathing ability would be nice. I'll stop at the store on my way and pick up some decongestants. Yes. That is what I will do. I am going to stop this blog now before it goes any further because lord knows 4am and being annoying sick can't be a good writing combo and will only lead to me saying something dumb, awkward or both.
You know what's weird? See, I can't shutup can I?
I kept having dreams about driving to work. Particularly, about this one stretch of road I normally take that is now under construction and I always forget to take a different way so than I have to take a detour that is stupid. And then it started to rain and I couldn't see.
...I can hear the morning birds singing. This is something nice about being up at 4am.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Annoying Sick
I am annoying sick.
Meaning...I mostly feel fine, I can go to work and generally exist in the world but my throat is all swollen, my nose is stuffed, I'm sneezing, I have sinus pressure and my eyes feel all goobery.
Annoying sick.
What's annoying about being annoying sick?
Well, you're not really sick. So you not only still have to do stuff (like work, chores, going out) but you sorta want to do stuff. It's not like being totally wiped out and unable to move. BUT people look at you funny and are like, "Stay at least 10 feet away" because between the constant sneezing and the goobery eyes you look about ready to pass on something deadly.
What else is annoying about being annoying sick?
Well, I constantly want to drink cause my throat it sore. So I do because liquids are also good for you but this also leads to the constant need to pee. Seriously, I am peeing like Seabiscuit every half an hour and I'm sure that's more than you ever wanted to know about my bladder habits.
What else is annoying about being annoying sick?
I hope it's not leading to being laid out sick. I don't get sick all that often. I am not the type of person that can normally spend copious hours of the day sleeping so I know I'm sick when all I do is sleep and so far that hasn't happened yet.
So phew.
Being annoying sick, I did about the only thing a person can do while annoying sick:
Picked up two movies and frozen Amy's Mexican Enchilada bowl and cuddled up on the couch with my favorite blanket.
At any rate I hope this little thing goes away stat and does not develop because being annoying sick is...well, annoying.
In other news after many people telling me I have to see these two movies I watched Before Sunrise and Before Sunset in a two movie romance night extravaganza.
They weren't bad.
But the way people talk about these movies I expected to be blown away.
I'm sorry but I'll take Amelie any day over this stuff.
Not that they're not decent well-written and well-acted movies. I just think Amelie:
a) Holds much more true to my own ideas/hopes/dreams/whatevers about love.
b) Is way more fun.
c) Doesn't take itself as seriously as these movies do.
d) Is much more imaginative. And you may say to me, "Yes, Amy, but Before Sunset/Sunrise is much more realistic." And sure, I'll give you that. But I'm an imaginative person with strange things constantly playing in my head so for me, the imaginative is much more true than the realistic.
CONCLUSION: AMELIE PWNS ALL ROMANCE MOVIES. EVER.
Seriously. I did not like romance movies until I saw Amelie because no romance movie I saw-gay or straight-spoke to that type of love I wanted or saw for myself. Seriously, guys. Watching that movie was akin to figuring out I was gay. I watched it and was literally like, "Oh my god. It does exist."
I appreciate Before Sunset/Sunrise for their cinematic value. But they do not speak to me as a human.
Sorry.
That's my story on that.
I just took and Advil Cold and Sinus which I'm pretty sure is Awesomeness in tablet form but also has the ability to do strange things to my body and mind so I am sorry if this post is weird and/or doesn't make sense.
AND SINCE I'm talking about weird things happening to my body it's also worth it to mention here that I once again proved my absolute and total INABILITY to hold alcohol. I think I mentioned it vaguely earlier, but the night Sehaj and Meghan were over they had the same amount to drink as me and held it together like classy, sophisticated adults. I on the other hand...put on a cowboy hat and had a hard time walking a straight line to the bathroom (more like a wide arc). Troubles speaking. Troubles getting Sehaj and Meghan to take me seriously for the hour or two I was tipsy. Troubles taking myself seriously. I kept telling them, "Guys, I'm sorry. I'm so bad at college. I am so bad at college. You think I could handle two drinks. I am. So bad. At college." They spent the better part of the evening laughing and making fun of me. It's okay. I deserved it. Because it's also worth mentioning while drinking the two drinks I drunk I was also:
a) Eating food.
b) Drinking water.
Seesh.
I am totes classy.
Cheap date. That's what everyone keeps telling me.
Great.
Great.
Great.
It's not that I want to be able to drink eight drinks in one night and be fine. But you know...the ability to have more than one without the consequence of making an ass of myself would be nice. I'm just saying. For life. In general.
...What else is annoying about being annoying sick?
You have no where to go or nothing to do because you feel the need to sit home alone so as not to spread your disease and end up writing blog posts that probably go are a little too long-winded, a little too detailed and a little too ridiculous.
Oh well.
Here's to being annoying sick...
Meaning...I mostly feel fine, I can go to work and generally exist in the world but my throat is all swollen, my nose is stuffed, I'm sneezing, I have sinus pressure and my eyes feel all goobery.
Annoying sick.
What's annoying about being annoying sick?
Well, you're not really sick. So you not only still have to do stuff (like work, chores, going out) but you sorta want to do stuff. It's not like being totally wiped out and unable to move. BUT people look at you funny and are like, "Stay at least 10 feet away" because between the constant sneezing and the goobery eyes you look about ready to pass on something deadly.
What else is annoying about being annoying sick?
Well, I constantly want to drink cause my throat it sore. So I do because liquids are also good for you but this also leads to the constant need to pee. Seriously, I am peeing like Seabiscuit every half an hour and I'm sure that's more than you ever wanted to know about my bladder habits.
What else is annoying about being annoying sick?
I hope it's not leading to being laid out sick. I don't get sick all that often. I am not the type of person that can normally spend copious hours of the day sleeping so I know I'm sick when all I do is sleep and so far that hasn't happened yet.
So phew.
Being annoying sick, I did about the only thing a person can do while annoying sick:
Picked up two movies and frozen Amy's Mexican Enchilada bowl and cuddled up on the couch with my favorite blanket.
At any rate I hope this little thing goes away stat and does not develop because being annoying sick is...well, annoying.
In other news after many people telling me I have to see these two movies I watched Before Sunrise and Before Sunset in a two movie romance night extravaganza.
They weren't bad.
But the way people talk about these movies I expected to be blown away.
I'm sorry but I'll take Amelie any day over this stuff.
Not that they're not decent well-written and well-acted movies. I just think Amelie:
a) Holds much more true to my own ideas/hopes/dreams/whatevers about love.
b) Is way more fun.
c) Doesn't take itself as seriously as these movies do.
d) Is much more imaginative. And you may say to me, "Yes, Amy, but Before Sunset/Sunrise is much more realistic." And sure, I'll give you that. But I'm an imaginative person with strange things constantly playing in my head so for me, the imaginative is much more true than the realistic.
CONCLUSION: AMELIE PWNS ALL ROMANCE MOVIES. EVER.
Seriously. I did not like romance movies until I saw Amelie because no romance movie I saw-gay or straight-spoke to that type of love I wanted or saw for myself. Seriously, guys. Watching that movie was akin to figuring out I was gay. I watched it and was literally like, "Oh my god. It does exist."
I appreciate Before Sunset/Sunrise for their cinematic value. But they do not speak to me as a human.
Sorry.
That's my story on that.
I just took and Advil Cold and Sinus which I'm pretty sure is Awesomeness in tablet form but also has the ability to do strange things to my body and mind so I am sorry if this post is weird and/or doesn't make sense.
AND SINCE I'm talking about weird things happening to my body it's also worth it to mention here that I once again proved my absolute and total INABILITY to hold alcohol. I think I mentioned it vaguely earlier, but the night Sehaj and Meghan were over they had the same amount to drink as me and held it together like classy, sophisticated adults. I on the other hand...put on a cowboy hat and had a hard time walking a straight line to the bathroom (more like a wide arc). Troubles speaking. Troubles getting Sehaj and Meghan to take me seriously for the hour or two I was tipsy. Troubles taking myself seriously. I kept telling them, "Guys, I'm sorry. I'm so bad at college. I am so bad at college. You think I could handle two drinks. I am. So bad. At college." They spent the better part of the evening laughing and making fun of me. It's okay. I deserved it. Because it's also worth mentioning while drinking the two drinks I drunk I was also:
a) Eating food.
b) Drinking water.
Seesh.
I am totes classy.
Cheap date. That's what everyone keeps telling me.
Great.
Great.
Great.
It's not that I want to be able to drink eight drinks in one night and be fine. But you know...the ability to have more than one without the consequence of making an ass of myself would be nice. I'm just saying. For life. In general.
...What else is annoying about being annoying sick?
You have no where to go or nothing to do because you feel the need to sit home alone so as not to spread your disease and end up writing blog posts that probably go are a little too long-winded, a little too detailed and a little too ridiculous.
Oh well.
Here's to being annoying sick...
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
The Three Amigas and The Cooking Adventure
So Meghan and Sehaj came over the other night and all cooked it up at my place. Yes, we are totally classy.
I made massive stuffed mushrooms.
Meghan made stuffed artichoke.
Sehaj made this glorious glorious molten cake.
We ate cheese. We drank Blue Moon with dinner and some Barefoot Pinot Grigio with dessert.
Here are some pictures from the event:
Meghan, a hunk of cheese and a Blue Moon.
Makin' fixins for huge stuffed mushrooms. Thumbs up. Thanks for the bunny ears, Sehaj.
Sehaj making her molten cake. Oh God.
'Shrooms.
'Chokes.
Mmmmmmm....
This picture is brilliant.
Action shot. Me checkin' the shrooms, Sehaj continuing to make up that glorious molten goodness.
Why I can't live alone. I need people to reach things for me. Apparently, my jumping on the counter method both at home and work makes people nervous.
My stuffed 'shrooms. Lovely, no?
We set the timer for this one. Not too bad except Meghan is in some weird light looking rather ethereal.
DIVERSION OF BLOG POST: Can I just so how much happier my life is now that I have a digital camera??!? Sheesh. I'm so glad I finally joined the new millennium.
A woman, proud of her 'chokes.
Bon Appetit!
Helping Sehaj with her molten cakes. I decided to put on my cowboy hat. This was after I had had a few. And by a few I of course mean...one and a half.
It was really bad last night.
I literally had a beer with dinner.
And a glass of wine with desert.
And...let's just say I kept Meghan and Sehaj pretty well entertained for the evening.
I made them watch JAWS III with me.
Nobody believes me when I tell them how glorious that movie is.
Meghan's reaction after it, "I have no words."
I made massive stuffed mushrooms.
Meghan made stuffed artichoke.
Sehaj made this glorious glorious molten cake.
We ate cheese. We drank Blue Moon with dinner and some Barefoot Pinot Grigio with dessert.
Here are some pictures from the event:
Meghan, a hunk of cheese and a Blue Moon.
Makin' fixins for huge stuffed mushrooms. Thumbs up. Thanks for the bunny ears, Sehaj.
Sehaj making her molten cake. Oh God.
'Shrooms.
'Chokes.
Mmmmmmm....
This picture is brilliant.
Action shot. Me checkin' the shrooms, Sehaj continuing to make up that glorious molten goodness.
Why I can't live alone. I need people to reach things for me. Apparently, my jumping on the counter method both at home and work makes people nervous.
My stuffed 'shrooms. Lovely, no?
We set the timer for this one. Not too bad except Meghan is in some weird light looking rather ethereal.
DIVERSION OF BLOG POST: Can I just so how much happier my life is now that I have a digital camera??!? Sheesh. I'm so glad I finally joined the new millennium.
A woman, proud of her 'chokes.
Bon Appetit!
Helping Sehaj with her molten cakes. I decided to put on my cowboy hat. This was after I had had a few. And by a few I of course mean...one and a half.
It was really bad last night.
I literally had a beer with dinner.
And a glass of wine with desert.
And...let's just say I kept Meghan and Sehaj pretty well entertained for the evening.
I made them watch JAWS III with me.
Nobody believes me when I tell them how glorious that movie is.
Meghan's reaction after it, "I have no words."
Check This Out!
So you may remember my post about the ZOO that I posted less than 24 hours ago.
Well, David is a pretty awesome photographer and he took a bunch of great shots with his fancy dancy camera and got some amazing animal pictures. My camera is pretty much just good for photographing myself on top of a statue lion. Check out his pictures HERE.
AND keep your eye on his BLOG because I'm sure there will be more pictures in the upcoming days because the damn boy took over 200 and there's only like 15 in that post. At least...I hope he'll post more pictures. Hint. Hint. Hint.
Well, David is a pretty awesome photographer and he took a bunch of great shots with his fancy dancy camera and got some amazing animal pictures. My camera is pretty much just good for photographing myself on top of a statue lion. Check out his pictures HERE.
AND keep your eye on his BLOG because I'm sure there will be more pictures in the upcoming days because the damn boy took over 200 and there's only like 15 in that post. At least...I hope he'll post more pictures. Hint. Hint. Hint.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
ZOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
This is the best zoo ever. You get to RIDE the lions!!!! (Ok, so they were actually just statues that were sitting there when we got off the train but still.)
The "adaptable" animal exhibit. Apparently, these animals are so adaptable...they're invisible. It was the most amazing thing I'd ever seen.
This is a little boy....right before he got eaten by a goose.
Zebra: A pony with stripes since God created them and the earth a couple thousand years ago.
I do not have similar life problems to this giraffe.
WARNING THE FOLLOWING PHOTO IS RATED PG-13...
This dude was making out with this tree for the whole 10-15 minutes we stood watching the giraffes. Seriously. There was some tongue action going on up in the giraffe exhibit. We think this giraffe is shunned by his fellow giraffes for his love of trees. Tree-loving/making out: the homosexuality of the giraffe world.
In a past life I was a kangaroo in this picture via Carly because I was too busy bein' a Kangaroo to take a picture with my camera.
Yes. Yes. I am small enough to hide with the mongooses. No, I thought it was mongeese too. But it's not. The plural of mongoose is mongooses. I know. It blew my mind too. Also, it's really nice to know if I fail at everything I ever attempt in my life at least I know I'm small enough to live with mongooses.
At the zoo I was attacked by a tiger. Sure as I am bloggin' here today Bill saved me. Thanks, Bill. You're a pal.
PENGUIN!! Come here and give me a hug!! Hurry! Hurry!!
Also...at this point it's worth point out what happened at almost every exhibit:
ME: I just want to give him/her/ it a hug.
CARLY: Yeah. I think that's frowned upon.
Monkey? Or did a gay man's dog get loose at the zoo?? You decide.
A THREE SHOT POLAR BEAR SERIES OF PHOTOS:
AND NOW PRESENTING: THE SCARIEST/MOST AWESOME THING THAT'S EVER HAPPENED TO ME AT A ZOO. EVER.
This is a bear.
Notice that hunk of meat he is knawing on. We guessed it was probably the kneecap of Zookeeper Tim.
So most of the time when you go to the zoo...the animals are sleeping or are standing in their cage with their asses shoved in your face.
Not this time.
We went to see this bear (it's hard to tell from the picture but he was GINORMOUS). I took this picture from the rail. BUT behind the bear and to the right there was a little observation window. So after sitting at the rail for a little bit we went by the window and the bear just sat there...knawing on Zookeeper Tim's kneecap.
We marveled at how huge the bear was.
We marveled at how close he was.
Then we look to the right of the window and notice this little steel door with a padlock.
David looks at it and says, "I wonder if I rattle this around if he'll think food is coming and come over."
So he rattles the padlock around.
The bear turns around to look at us.
At first, it doesn't seem like he's going to bother getting up but then all the sudden he bolts up and comes charging over to the door RIGHT BY the window.
We sorta freak out.
David's like, "Oh my god, we should leave."
The bear gets to the door and WE CAN HEAR IT BREATHING AND SNIFFING US FROM THE OTHER SIDE OF THE THIS STEEL DOOR THAT ALL THE SUDDEN SEEMS VERY FLIMSY.
So the bear is RIGHT BY this window and door looking us up and down no doubt getting our scent and trying to figure out what sorta food was available and/or coming on the other side (ie: US).
We were laughing pretty hard.
Anyway, the bear figured out there was no food to be had and that in fact he had been had by a bunch of knuckleheads (well, one knucklehead (ahem...David...did you learn nothing from the San Francisco Zoo incident. Need I remind you what happend THERE).
So we leave.
...Late David and I walked by again and I swear to God...the bear was sleeping and suddenly picked up his head as we passed.
We were supposed to be his lunch. Now I'm worried I'm going to awaken in the night and find a bear in the apartment like, "I tracked you down you scrawny runt. You won't make much of a meal cause you're so damn little but it ain't about fillin' my belly. This is payback. Oh, before I eat you...will you take a picture with me? I've never met someone who looked so much like Harry Potter and my cubs are big fans and they would just die if they thought I actually met the boy wizard."
Going to the zoo is so much fun.
But I have to admit, I always get a little sad the animals are locked up. But at least at this zoo (Brookfield) where you have to pay to get in the animals seem healthy. Unlike Lincoln Park Zoo. Where when you see an empty exhibit you know it's not 'cause they're moving the animal to a bigger one.
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Heck Yes
So..it's not news that I absolutely loathe clothes shopping. It's frustrating to try and find things that fit me. But mostly, it's frustrating to try and find clothes that fit me- as in things I feel comfortable moving around the world in, things that suit my style, my personality. The frustration lies in the fact that clothes that fit me personally lie somewhere in between the girls and boys section. My wardrobe comes from both places. And as much as I'm comfortable in my skin and cool with who I am-it's mildly awkward to shop in the little boy's section of Kohl's for jeans and then run to the dressing room to try said jeans on.
Most of the time, everything works out ok and I end up finding something close to what I need or want.
However, it is the most difficult when occasions come where I have to be "dressed up."
I don't wear dresses.
I don't wear skirts.
There's nothing wrong with them. God knows how a classy dame in an elegant gown sets my heart a flutter. They just ain't my thing.
Wearing such clothes to me feels a little like being in drag.
ANYWAY!
"Dressed up" times are hard for me because it's real hard to find that comfortable "in between" space for me on such occasions.
Anyway I'm skirting the issue here. Pun intended.
Long story short...I had to get dressed up Friday for a big event at work and well, let's just say...I nailed it...
oo.jpg)
Now, anyone who knows me will tell you I am not vain at all nor egotistical.
BUT
Have you ever had a moment where you put something on and you're just like, "Damn! Not only do I look FINE in this but I also feel FINE in this!"??
Yeah?? You know what I'm talking about?? And you can't help but smile to yourself because you know how good you LOOK and how good you FEEL looking that GOOD and like what you're wearing just feels so right???
That's what putting on this suit felt like to me.
And those moments are very few and far between for me.
Like-I know I'm a good looking chick it's not that I think I'm un-good looking. But it's just hard sometimes finding that balance of lookin' so good and feelin' so good at the same time.
Boy howdy did I find it Friday.
I've always wanted to wear a suit and tie.
I don't know why it took me so long to get up the guts to do it.
But you can best be sure I will be rocking this style much more.
Hell yes.
Man, it was all I could do to not wear this to go grocery shopping the other day.
Ok. Done sounding conceited. Well no-I don't think it's conceited. Because for me wearing this outfit was less about how god damn hot I looked (kidding) and more about how awesome I felt in it. So that's all. I just had to share my jubilation over the discovery of ties and how they are now an asset to my wardrobe. That's all.
P.S. An extra special thank you to David for photoshopping the tub of Kitty Litter that was in the background out of the original.
Ok. On a different note. I would like to say a Happy Mamas Day to one and all who celebrate.
This is my Mama's tree in our backyard. It has just started to bloom. It hasn't peaked yet and I'll try and post some pictures when that happens and also try and get some with better light (it was real nasty here today). Every year this tree surprises me with it's loveliness:
This tree is beautiful.
My Mama is beautiful.
That's all I have to say about that.
QUOTE OF THE DAY OR A LITTLE TASTE OF MOVING BACK HOME WITH THE BOYS
(We are in the car driving to my grandma's)
ME: I don't really like Sushi. But I've only had it once. I've heard you need to have it more than once to develop a taste for it.
DAD: You know what's funny is that they ones you think would be disgusting are actually the best.
ME: So don't get the tuna one, get the one with eel heads?
DAD: Eel is so good. It's one of my favorites.
JIMMY: I want to try the one you could die from eating.
(Pause)
(Pause)
ME: Pufferfish?
JIMMY: Yeah!
DAD: Great. I'm making it for you tomorrow night!
ME: And he will use a butter knife to prepare it.
(Me and Dad laugh)
JIMMY: Jerks!
Most of the time, everything works out ok and I end up finding something close to what I need or want.
However, it is the most difficult when occasions come where I have to be "dressed up."
I don't wear dresses.
I don't wear skirts.
There's nothing wrong with them. God knows how a classy dame in an elegant gown sets my heart a flutter. They just ain't my thing.
Wearing such clothes to me feels a little like being in drag.
ANYWAY!
"Dressed up" times are hard for me because it's real hard to find that comfortable "in between" space for me on such occasions.
Anyway I'm skirting the issue here. Pun intended.
Long story short...I had to get dressed up Friday for a big event at work and well, let's just say...I nailed it...
oo.jpg)
Now, anyone who knows me will tell you I am not vain at all nor egotistical.
BUT
Have you ever had a moment where you put something on and you're just like, "Damn! Not only do I look FINE in this but I also feel FINE in this!"??
Yeah?? You know what I'm talking about?? And you can't help but smile to yourself because you know how good you LOOK and how good you FEEL looking that GOOD and like what you're wearing just feels so right???
That's what putting on this suit felt like to me.
And those moments are very few and far between for me.
Like-I know I'm a good looking chick it's not that I think I'm un-good looking. But it's just hard sometimes finding that balance of lookin' so good and feelin' so good at the same time.
Boy howdy did I find it Friday.
I've always wanted to wear a suit and tie.
I don't know why it took me so long to get up the guts to do it.
But you can best be sure I will be rocking this style much more.
Hell yes.
Man, it was all I could do to not wear this to go grocery shopping the other day.
Ok. Done sounding conceited. Well no-I don't think it's conceited. Because for me wearing this outfit was less about how god damn hot I looked (kidding) and more about how awesome I felt in it. So that's all. I just had to share my jubilation over the discovery of ties and how they are now an asset to my wardrobe. That's all.
P.S. An extra special thank you to David for photoshopping the tub of Kitty Litter that was in the background out of the original.
Ok. On a different note. I would like to say a Happy Mamas Day to one and all who celebrate.
This is my Mama's tree in our backyard. It has just started to bloom. It hasn't peaked yet and I'll try and post some pictures when that happens and also try and get some with better light (it was real nasty here today). Every year this tree surprises me with it's loveliness:
This tree is beautiful.
My Mama is beautiful.
That's all I have to say about that.
QUOTE OF THE DAY OR A LITTLE TASTE OF MOVING BACK HOME WITH THE BOYS
(We are in the car driving to my grandma's)
ME: I don't really like Sushi. But I've only had it once. I've heard you need to have it more than once to develop a taste for it.
DAD: You know what's funny is that they ones you think would be disgusting are actually the best.
ME: So don't get the tuna one, get the one with eel heads?
DAD: Eel is so good. It's one of my favorites.
JIMMY: I want to try the one you could die from eating.
(Pause)
(Pause)
ME: Pufferfish?
JIMMY: Yeah!
DAD: Great. I'm making it for you tomorrow night!
ME: And he will use a butter knife to prepare it.
(Me and Dad laugh)
JIMMY: Jerks!
Friday, May 09, 2008
MORE Old People Stuff
So the other day I went to work at the Studio which is where I help out with art classes for the childrens. I met Mrs. Yueill (my boss) there in the morning to meet and go over some new plans for the studio (Which includes this week long class I'm teaching at the start of August that combines art and theatre. I am pretty excited about it. I'm thinking of walking into the class in persona wearing all black and beret and don the name Veronica Dunkleberry or something ridiculous).
ANYWAY
We were also there waiting on a large plaster shipment. So large it apparently was on a pallet. Yes. Yes. A pallet of plaster.
So the morning goes by, we discuss some things.
And then the old people start to arrive.
The old people have a class on the other side of the studio at noon. At 11:30 these ladies and one man start pulling up for the start of the class before the teacher has even arrived (They, allegedly need the extra half hour to make coffee and set out their snacks. Seriously. Could I make this up?). All this would be fine except these are the SURLIEST old people probably EVER. They make the old people I deal with at the box office look like...well, less old.
So. The old people are starting to arrive and giving Mrs. Yueill and I the evil eye for being in the studio during "their time" even though we operate different sides of the room anyway.
Now, unable to be timed any more perfectly the large plaster shipment arrives in tandem with the old people.
Let me paint you a picture.
The plaster shipments we get usually arrive UPS.
Not this one.
This one arrives on a flipping RIG.
NO JOKE
So this poor driver has to back this huge rig into out small lot.
So he does and opens his door and we see the literal PALLET of boxes for us. We discover he will have to maneuver his big rig slightly as there is no room to get this pallet through.
He goes to his truck.
It won't start.
He spends the next 10 minutes trying to get it to start (eventually he did) all the while old people are arriving and fit to be tied/confused/outraged that this rig is blocking a portion of the lot (he wasn't even blocking the spots, all they had to do was turn to the left.
So this one old woman who had been inside for a while comes outside where Mrs. Yueill and I are and says...(Please imagine the most indignant old person possible and that's what you'd get for this moment. It's also worth noting that this woman was a student in the class and not anyone who worked at the studio and thus has no right whatsoever to be questioning what's going on...)
OLD WOMAN: (Comes outside stares at truck for a moment. Then suddently very indignant)She said they're delivering plaster??
MRS. YUEILL: Yes. We're getting a big plaster shipment. (She laughs a little)
OLD WOMAN: (With even more indignance) For what???
MRS. YUEILL: For our children's classes. They're plaster molds that the kids paint.
(The old woman stares at Mrs. Yueill a moment her mouth agape in old people indignant horror. She then hobbles off to her car, muttering under her breath.)
Cue the delivery guy rolling up to the door with a PALLET a PALLET of boxes full of plaster goodness. A pallet so large we had to unwrap the plastic around it and take them in several boxes at a time.
So we get them all in and I start schleping some to the back. Mrs. Yueill is near the old people section and one old lady walks over to her and points to me and in an attempt to be endearing says, "Is that your son??" Mrs. Yueill sorta laughs and says, "No. That's Amy." Well the old lady gets all embarrassed and just walks away, I'm giggling and Mrs. Yueill is like, "That's ok. She gets that a lot right Aims? It's the short hair." I was like, "Yup, all the time."
Hilarious.
I later had the distinct pleasure of opening most of these boxes and was pleased to discover the enormous array of plaster figures we will be offering to classes. From bunnies to lighthouses to rose plates to clowns (creepy), there will be no end to the plaster amazingness in the studio in the upcoming months. Get excited. Sadly, there were no plaster unicorns which has been a studio staple for many years. Mostly it is sad because I enjoy the ridiculousness of telling people my job is to help children paint plaster unicorns. Telling people my job is to help children paint plaster clowns just sounds creepy.
ANYWAY
We were also there waiting on a large plaster shipment. So large it apparently was on a pallet. Yes. Yes. A pallet of plaster.
So the morning goes by, we discuss some things.
And then the old people start to arrive.
The old people have a class on the other side of the studio at noon. At 11:30 these ladies and one man start pulling up for the start of the class before the teacher has even arrived (They, allegedly need the extra half hour to make coffee and set out their snacks. Seriously. Could I make this up?). All this would be fine except these are the SURLIEST old people probably EVER. They make the old people I deal with at the box office look like...well, less old.
So. The old people are starting to arrive and giving Mrs. Yueill and I the evil eye for being in the studio during "their time" even though we operate different sides of the room anyway.
Now, unable to be timed any more perfectly the large plaster shipment arrives in tandem with the old people.
Let me paint you a picture.
The plaster shipments we get usually arrive UPS.
Not this one.
This one arrives on a flipping RIG.
NO JOKE
So this poor driver has to back this huge rig into out small lot.
So he does and opens his door and we see the literal PALLET of boxes for us. We discover he will have to maneuver his big rig slightly as there is no room to get this pallet through.
He goes to his truck.
It won't start.
He spends the next 10 minutes trying to get it to start (eventually he did) all the while old people are arriving and fit to be tied/confused/outraged that this rig is blocking a portion of the lot (he wasn't even blocking the spots, all they had to do was turn to the left.
So this one old woman who had been inside for a while comes outside where Mrs. Yueill and I are and says...(Please imagine the most indignant old person possible and that's what you'd get for this moment. It's also worth noting that this woman was a student in the class and not anyone who worked at the studio and thus has no right whatsoever to be questioning what's going on...)
OLD WOMAN: (Comes outside stares at truck for a moment. Then suddently very indignant)She said they're delivering plaster??
MRS. YUEILL: Yes. We're getting a big plaster shipment. (She laughs a little)
OLD WOMAN: (With even more indignance) For what???
MRS. YUEILL: For our children's classes. They're plaster molds that the kids paint.
(The old woman stares at Mrs. Yueill a moment her mouth agape in old people indignant horror. She then hobbles off to her car, muttering under her breath.)
Cue the delivery guy rolling up to the door with a PALLET a PALLET of boxes full of plaster goodness. A pallet so large we had to unwrap the plastic around it and take them in several boxes at a time.
So we get them all in and I start schleping some to the back. Mrs. Yueill is near the old people section and one old lady walks over to her and points to me and in an attempt to be endearing says, "Is that your son??" Mrs. Yueill sorta laughs and says, "No. That's Amy." Well the old lady gets all embarrassed and just walks away, I'm giggling and Mrs. Yueill is like, "That's ok. She gets that a lot right Aims? It's the short hair." I was like, "Yup, all the time."
Hilarious.
I later had the distinct pleasure of opening most of these boxes and was pleased to discover the enormous array of plaster figures we will be offering to classes. From bunnies to lighthouses to rose plates to clowns (creepy), there will be no end to the plaster amazingness in the studio in the upcoming months. Get excited. Sadly, there were no plaster unicorns which has been a studio staple for many years. Mostly it is sad because I enjoy the ridiculousness of telling people my job is to help children paint plaster unicorns. Telling people my job is to help children paint plaster clowns just sounds creepy.
Thursday, May 08, 2008
Old People Quotes of the Day
OLD LADY AT THE WINDOW: Well thank you so much. I'm so excited to see this show. This is just great.
ME: Well I'm glad. Have a good day.
OLD LADY AT THE WINDOW: What did you say your name was?
ME: Amy.
(She writes it down)
OLD LADY AT THE WINDOW: Aaamy. Like Amy from Little Women!!
ME: Exactly.
(Phone rings. I pick it up)
OLD LADY: Hi Amy. I just talked to you. I'm on your website and I'm trying to see your seating chart and I'm not too good at this so I can't find it...
ME: OK. Are you on our main page?
OLD LADY:Your main page? What's that?
ME: www.theatreiworkat.com
OLD LADY: Well I just put into theatreiworkat.com I didn't do the www does that make a difference?
ME: It shouldn't. Do you see at the top where it says "Box Office"?
OLD LADY: No. I don't see it anywhere. It doesn't say "Box Office" anywhere.
ME: What does the page you're looking at look like?
OLD LADY: (Describes our main page)
ME: Ok, you are on our main page so at the very top in white lettering you should see the word "Box Office"...it's on a black bar...
OLD LADY: I'm telling you it's not here. I don't see anything with white lettering!
ME: Way at the top? It's there.
(Pause)
OLD LADY: I see it says..."Box Office, School of Performing Arts"...
ME: Right. Roll your mouse over where it says "Box Office."
OLD LADY: Ok.
ME: You'll see a little red menu appear as a drop down box. There's a link that says "Box Office Services"
OLD LADY: I don't see that.
ME: If you roll your mouse over Box Office...do you see the little red menu?
OLD LADY: Yes.
ME: OK, box office services is the third from the top. Roll your mouse over that.
OLD LADY: OK. Now there's another thing here...
ME: That's another drop down menu. The second from the bottom is a link to our seating chart. Click on that and our chart should pop up.
(Pause)
(Pause)
OLD LADY: It's not working. It's going away!
ME: OK, so you roll over box office-
OLD LADY: I see on the side where it says seating chart but when I click it it doesn't go anywhere and it just goes away!! It's not working.
ME: Well it's working for me. Let me see if I can figure out what your problem is. So you see the drop down menu for box office, you go to box office services and there's another drop down menu...
OLD LADY: It's not working!
(Now I realize that she's not keeping her mouse rolled over the drop down menu to keep it activated long enough to click the link)
ME: OK, try this...Go to Box Office and just click on box office service.
(Pause)
OLD LADY: OK...
ME: Ok, you should see a page that says "Box Office" under that will be several bullet points...
OLD LADY: It still is going away!
ME: Ok. Roll over box office. Do you see the red box?
OLD LADY: Yes.
ME: Down near the bottom you should see one for Box Office Services. Do you see that?
OLD LADY: Yes.
ME: Click that.
OLD LADY: OK.
ME: Ok. Now. You should see a page that says "Box Office" at the top. Underneath will be several bullet points. The third had a link to our seating chart.
(Pause)
OLD LADY: I don't see it. It's not here.
ME: It's there. The third bullet point down. It's red. You can click on it. It says "Seating Chart Viewable Here"....
(Pause)
(Pause)
OLD LADY: Oh.
(Pause)
OLD LADY: Oh. OK. Now I see it. Thank you dear.
Click.
Amy Cornelius: Teaching old people to use the internet since 2006.
ME: Well I'm glad. Have a good day.
OLD LADY AT THE WINDOW: What did you say your name was?
ME: Amy.
(She writes it down)
OLD LADY AT THE WINDOW: Aaamy. Like Amy from Little Women!!
ME: Exactly.
(Phone rings. I pick it up)
OLD LADY: Hi Amy. I just talked to you. I'm on your website and I'm trying to see your seating chart and I'm not too good at this so I can't find it...
ME: OK. Are you on our main page?
OLD LADY:Your main page? What's that?
ME: www.theatreiworkat.com
OLD LADY: Well I just put into theatreiworkat.com I didn't do the www does that make a difference?
ME: It shouldn't. Do you see at the top where it says "Box Office"?
OLD LADY: No. I don't see it anywhere. It doesn't say "Box Office" anywhere.
ME: What does the page you're looking at look like?
OLD LADY: (Describes our main page)
ME: Ok, you are on our main page so at the very top in white lettering you should see the word "Box Office"...it's on a black bar...
OLD LADY: I'm telling you it's not here. I don't see anything with white lettering!
ME: Way at the top? It's there.
(Pause)
OLD LADY: I see it says..."Box Office, School of Performing Arts"...
ME: Right. Roll your mouse over where it says "Box Office."
OLD LADY: Ok.
ME: You'll see a little red menu appear as a drop down box. There's a link that says "Box Office Services"
OLD LADY: I don't see that.
ME: If you roll your mouse over Box Office...do you see the little red menu?
OLD LADY: Yes.
ME: OK, box office services is the third from the top. Roll your mouse over that.
OLD LADY: OK. Now there's another thing here...
ME: That's another drop down menu. The second from the bottom is a link to our seating chart. Click on that and our chart should pop up.
(Pause)
(Pause)
OLD LADY: It's not working. It's going away!
ME: OK, so you roll over box office-
OLD LADY: I see on the side where it says seating chart but when I click it it doesn't go anywhere and it just goes away!! It's not working.
ME: Well it's working for me. Let me see if I can figure out what your problem is. So you see the drop down menu for box office, you go to box office services and there's another drop down menu...
OLD LADY: It's not working!
(Now I realize that she's not keeping her mouse rolled over the drop down menu to keep it activated long enough to click the link)
ME: OK, try this...Go to Box Office and just click on box office service.
(Pause)
OLD LADY: OK...
ME: Ok, you should see a page that says "Box Office" under that will be several bullet points...
OLD LADY: It still is going away!
ME: Ok. Roll over box office. Do you see the red box?
OLD LADY: Yes.
ME: Down near the bottom you should see one for Box Office Services. Do you see that?
OLD LADY: Yes.
ME: Click that.
OLD LADY: OK.
ME: Ok. Now. You should see a page that says "Box Office" at the top. Underneath will be several bullet points. The third had a link to our seating chart.
(Pause)
OLD LADY: I don't see it. It's not here.
ME: It's there. The third bullet point down. It's red. You can click on it. It says "Seating Chart Viewable Here"....
(Pause)
(Pause)
OLD LADY: Oh.
(Pause)
OLD LADY: Oh. OK. Now I see it. Thank you dear.
Click.
Amy Cornelius: Teaching old people to use the internet since 2006.
Saturday, May 03, 2008
Whoa
Well...I am officially done with my first semester of my senior year.
Sweet.
Now my head is buzzing with what the heck and do and where the heck to go after I graduate.
YIPES!
I'm thinking about grad school.
I'm thinking about Europe.
I'm thinking about grad school in Europe (I know) (crazy) (but London and theatre are BFFs).
I'm thinking about finding a full time job and just going out and auditioning.
I'm thinking about developing a research/performance idea I can get grant money for.
I'm thinking about running away with a gypsy rock band (clearly, I would play either the Tambourine or Cowbell and would change my name to Starshine).
In the mean time...casara sara as us crazy Italians like to say.
It will all be ok.
It's all very exciting.
But sometimes when I think about it my tummy gets all funny.
Yay life!
Whoa...life.
Whatever happens you best know I'm going to be doing it by my most preferred life method...trail blazing. Or...tentatively plodding along in between trees, drop offs, boulders as I stubbornly refuse to stick the beaten path. Yeah. I'm one of those people.
In other news, this:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. It CRACKS me up. Chicken and I also discovered it's about 50 times funnier if you turn off the sound and add your own sound effects.
In more other news, this:
HOW AMAZING IS THAT?!?! Who knew two tres strange things: a) drama prairie dog and b) Turn Around Bright Eyes existed together????? I love it.
In more other news:
So...hm. I have really weird dreams. This is not news. But I have to say, nightmares about axe wielding ex-girlfriends tops the list of bizarro. And SCARY. And LESBIANEST. I hate having nightmares. They make me sad.
In more other news:
It is dance week at the theatre. We have dance groups from around the area come in. This means kids. This means moms. The view from the box office is a little hilarious and a little disheartening.
In more other news:
There is a blog post coming that will radiate awesomeness (I hope). It's in the works. I don't want to give too much away...but GET READY.
Sweet.
Now my head is buzzing with what the heck and do and where the heck to go after I graduate.
YIPES!
I'm thinking about grad school.
I'm thinking about Europe.
I'm thinking about grad school in Europe (I know) (crazy) (but London and theatre are BFFs).
I'm thinking about finding a full time job and just going out and auditioning.
I'm thinking about developing a research/performance idea I can get grant money for.
I'm thinking about running away with a gypsy rock band (clearly, I would play either the Tambourine or Cowbell and would change my name to Starshine).
In the mean time...casara sara as us crazy Italians like to say.
It will all be ok.
It's all very exciting.
But sometimes when I think about it my tummy gets all funny.
Yay life!
Whoa...life.
Whatever happens you best know I'm going to be doing it by my most preferred life method...trail blazing. Or...tentatively plodding along in between trees, drop offs, boulders as I stubbornly refuse to stick the beaten path. Yeah. I'm one of those people.
In other news, this:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. It CRACKS me up. Chicken and I also discovered it's about 50 times funnier if you turn off the sound and add your own sound effects.
In more other news, this:
HOW AMAZING IS THAT?!?! Who knew two tres strange things: a) drama prairie dog and b) Turn Around Bright Eyes existed together????? I love it.
In more other news:
So...hm. I have really weird dreams. This is not news. But I have to say, nightmares about axe wielding ex-girlfriends tops the list of bizarro. And SCARY. And LESBIANEST. I hate having nightmares. They make me sad.
In more other news:
It is dance week at the theatre. We have dance groups from around the area come in. This means kids. This means moms. The view from the box office is a little hilarious and a little disheartening.
In more other news:
There is a blog post coming that will radiate awesomeness (I hope). It's in the works. I don't want to give too much away...but GET READY.
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