So when I got on the Metra today this random blonde girl started talking to me and asking me all kinds of questions. I hadn't even made eye contact with her but as soon as I bought my ticket, she turns to me and says in an overly friendly way: "So are you from Chicago??" She then followed with question after question which I had trouble hearing because I was standing in the vestibule of the train and not in the car itself. I mean, hey, I am all for pleasant, friendly conversation. But I don't like to be attacked with questions. It was kind of weird.
HER: Where are you headed?
ME: I'm headed out the suburbs for work.
HER: What suburb?
HER: Where do you work?
HER: Are you in school?
HER: Are you studying medicine?
HER: Where do you want to work when you're done with school?
...blondes scare me. Plus she just got back from her vacation to Cancun. And there's only one reason you go to Cancun if you're a skinny blonde with lots of makeup: To get blasted and have lots of sex.
That was a gross generalization. I apologize. Maybe she was there to study bird flu or give out pinatas to all the homeless Mexican children...or maybe she was there to get blasted and have lots of sex.
...So, I've seen a lot of versions of A Christmas Carol, both onstage and onscreen. And do you want to know which version I think it the best?
The Muppet Christmas Carol
Seriously. Part of it is because Michael Caine plays Scrooge, and he's just amazing. I feel like the other actors I've seen play Scrooge, sort of half-ass it. Like that dude from Fraiser in that really horrible version I saw of A Christmas Carol last year.
Here. I will show you the difference and you can clearly see which is the better and more amazing...
Shitty Version (duh, Jennifer Love Hewitt is involved):
(And no that's not just crappy syncing and sound from youtube. Jennifer Love Hewitt is just THAT bad at lip syncing.)
AWESOME Version (duh, Muppets are involved):
Aw, and that song is so awesome.
Ok, I need to be serious here for second guys...and I know some of you (ahem, David) are going to roll you eyes at me right now, but I have to say this...
I Love Christmas.
I do.
I really think it's a magical time of year, no matter what you believe what you celebrate. I am not a religious person, I don't know what I believe about God or Jesus, but I love Christmas. There's just something special about it.
AND I love Christmas music. Now I know every year I profess my love for the Jingle Cats, that magical feline music group that sings all your favorite hits. But, in actuality, my top Christmas music songs might surprise you...
1) O Come O Come Emmanuel
2) Noel
3) O Holy Night
4) O Come All Ye Faithful
5) Still (So Beautiful if you haven't heard it)
6) There's this one I do not know the name of or the words to, but I can hum it for you.
7) Carol of the Bells.
I know. Shocking right? For a gay woman who is afraid of the Catholicism on which I was raised it may come as a surprise all my favorites are...CHURCH songs. You might expect my favorites to include:
1) I Want A Hippopotamus For Christmas
2) Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer (A horrible horrible horrible song. If you don't believe me listen to the lyrics sometime. It's awful.)
or
3) Yellow Snow
Not so. Gay people do have class guys.
OK, and as long as we are talking Christmas music, I have to talk about that Christmas song I loathe. I speak about it every year but I cannot say enough bad things about it. If you ever want to see my get seriously bothered, all you have to do is play Christmas Shoes. I absolutely HATE that flipping that song. It makes my insides writhe in anger and pain and makes me contemplate throwing myself through a window. It's SO SO SO bad. And because I love sharing absolute shit with you all...here it is: (And you better watch it! I had to endure a fair amount of pain to find and make sure this clip was what I needed)
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! I HATE IT SO HARD!!!! Things like this should be thrown into the pits of hell. I think Newsong, or whatever the heck the name of this group is, should be forced to listen to this song over and over and over and over until they apologize to humanity for what they have unleashed.
ANYWAY!
Got this gem of a phone call today:
ME: Box office, this is Amy, how may I help you?
LADY: Yeah hi. I'm confused. I just called the box office in this number listed in the brochure (555) 555-5555, and I got a message telling me to call the box at (555)555-5555 for more information, that doesn't make any sense.
ME: Well, that is our phone number and-
LADY: Well, I know that! But I don't know why when I call I would get a message telling me to call the box office for more information. It doesn't make ANY sense!
ME: Well, when the box office is closed, or if we are experiencing a high volume of calls we have a message that plays and gives information-
LADY: But I don't understand why it would tell me call the box office when I'm already calling the box office. Do you understand what I mean?
ME: Yes, it's not a mistake that the message-
LADY: But I don't know why it would tell me to call the box office, when I'm already calling the box office! Do you get it?
ME: Sure. I'll have it looked into.
LADY: Now, this Second City show you have coming there...the...uh...what's it called...Dysfunctional...I'm sure you know what-
ME: Holiday Revue?
LADY: Yeah that. That used to be a really famous Second City show, I think...in the city. Didn't it?
ME: Well, I know it's been here every year for a number of years.
LADY: That's not what I mean! Didn't it start at the Second City in the city?? It used to be really famous. Very very popular. Didn't it?
ME: I am not familiar enough with the production history of Second City to know, but I know this particular show has been here a number of years and is always well received.
LADY: But this show started in the city, right?
ME: I'm not familiar with the production history of Second City-
LADY: Are you from Chicago??!!!?
ME: Yes.
LADY: Well it was a very popular Second City show. It used be very good. It probably isn't anymore.
ME: It's actually a very funny show.
LADY: It is tasteful?
ME: That depends on your definition of tasteful. It is rated R for language and content.
LADY: So what is this show about anyway?
ME: Well, it's a Second City show, so it's improv and sketch comedy based around the Holiday Season, they poke fun at this time of year and the various holidays. It's like an episode of Saturday Night Live without the censorship.
LADY: It's probably not very good...what are the dates and times it plays?
ME: (I give her dates and times)
LADY: OK, and what are your hours?
ME: (Tell her our hours)
LADY: Can you buy tickets online?
ME: Yes.
LADY: And that's always on?
ME:...yes.
LADY: Ok, I'll talk to my friend and call back.
OK, Lady...you seem to know a hell of a lot for what you're asking me. If you know that The Second City show originated in Chicago, then why the crap are you giving me such a hard time about it? If you know so much why don't you come work in the box office? Then you could work to change the message that "confuses" you and tell our patrons all about The Second City show that originated in the city and was very popular (if that even is true). Until that time however, I am here to sell you tickets and do my best to answer any questions NOT to take your crap.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
MUPPET CHRISTMAS CAROL: It's true where ever you find love it feels Christmas.
(And that's as cheesey as this blog will EVER get). But it's Christmas time, and I turn into a huge softee at Christmas time. Well, I guess a case could be made I'm a huge softee to begin with...just more so during Christmas.
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