I Am Not An L Word Lesbian

Ok. You guys are going to make fun of me. So I just joined this website called ourchart.com, it's basically a lesbian facebook and is a reference to the giant lesbian chart composed by one of the characters in the The L Word. Now, don't tell anyone on the site, because I'm pretty sure what I'm about to say is grounds for excommunication from not only the website, but could possibly get my "Lesbo Card" revoked too...
I'm not a huge fan of The L Word.
If you don't know what it is, it's basically the lesbian version of Sex and The City, set in California instead of New York. And it's aired on Showtime, so there are plenty of good lesbian "money shots" to go around.
Look, I don't object to money shots. I don't object to watching a TV show about hot women who sleep around with each other and get involved in butt-loads of drama. I would be lying if I said I never watched the show and never enjoyed it.
But I don't particularly like it. Here is my impression of The L Word, ready?
(Scene: At a trendy bar/club. Lesbian 1 ponies up to the bar next to Lesbian 2. They exchange "meaningful (ie: "I Could See Myself Schtooping You")" glances...
LESBIAN 1: My life is filled with so much drama. I am so dramatic. Drama. Drama. Drama. That girl I schtooped the other night totally wants to schtoop my friend and it makes me so mad because I was really hoping to schtoop her again tonight.
LESBIAN 2: Well, why don't you just schtoop me instead.
LESBIAN 1: What do you take me for? I don't schtoop around like that.
LESBIAN 2: Yes you do.
LESBIAN 1: Oh, wait that's right...I do. Great idea. Let's go schtoop in the bathroom.
(The go schtoop in the bathroom)
AND SCENE!
In case you were wondering, schtoop=have sex
But yeah. That's pretty much The L Word in a nutshell. I guess I don't like it because I am not that kind of lesbian. I am not an L Word lesbian.
a) I don't want to be an L Word lesbian and jump into bed with the first person I meet.
b) I don't have the time or energy to be an L Word lesbian. Drama takes two things: 1) time and 2) energy neither of which I want to spare on drama. Thanks.

This is not to say that I think lesbians who watch The L Word are L Word lesbians. I think the lesbians who watch the L Word wish they were L Word lesbians. I mean, for a second their lifestyle does seem really swank...partying, being classy, drinking Pelligrino, having lots of sex, being fabulous, being fabulous in California, hanging out at the local swank coffee shop...
But to be perfectly frank I'm surprised that none of the characters have contracted syphilis.
...oh my god. I'm so old-fashioned. So old-fashioned. But you know what, that's who I am and I don't care! I believe in romance. Not just sex. Sex is a part of romance, don't get me wrong. But I just can't see myself having sex without romance. So, I would like to know your last name before I jump into bed with you. Frankly, I would like to get to know you well before I jump into bed with you. You know...maybe go to dinner or something.
Call me old fashioned.

ANYWAY! All this to say...I got this message from a girl on this ourchart.com website.
It says the following:
"Just a note to say hi and I think u are really smokin' hot girl!"
Haha. Ok. Part of me is sort of flattered and is thinking maybe finally, after all this time, I have indeed brought sexyback.
The other part of me read her profile and wondered if it was a joke.
Why, you ask? Well...it says the following in her profile:
"I love the studs/butch/bad boy girlies, especially the chocolate ladies"
And...
On the quality she likes most in a woman, "that inner "thug", take control attitude and make me "putty" with their touch"

Um. Ok. I don't know how you got ANY of that from this picture:


How does this picture, coupled with the headline, "I'm Picking Out A Thermos For You.." give you:
a) Stud/butch/bad boy
or
b)Thug
or
c)Chocolate lady???? I mean, I'm not evena "maybe." That picture is pretty much, "Oh look, there's the whitest white girl ever."
This chocolate-lady-stud-butch-bad boy-thug loving girl does not have a picture up herself, so I obviously can't see what she looks like.
So...uh...
No thanks.
Also, she's from Arkansas.
So...uh...
No thanks.
Sorry girl with no picture from Arkansas, I'm trying to fall in love here and it doesn't do me much good if you'd prefer me to be black and a thug. It doesn't do me much good if you live in Arkansas.
I hate the iternet.
Why can't Natalie Portman or Kate Winslet just be in love with me?? Is that too much to ask?