So today's early morning blog is being blogged sans coffee. The cafe is not open yet. And I did not have any time to make some before leaving the house this morning.
...That's a lie.
I just didn't feel like washing out my travel mug, ok?
That probably makes me a bad person or something.
We'll see how this post sans coffee goes...
So, I really like sitting in this building by the lake.
Being by the lake makes me feel like I live by the ocean.
I like the ocean.
Maybe one day I will live by a real ocean and not just a lake that reminds me of an ocean.
So it turns out...I may have been a bit premature in making the jump from "coat" to "puffy vest".
My arms are cold.
But at least I can put my arms down (name that movie).
So it turns out...I'm really hungry right now.
...But I left my fruit snacks on the counter. Damn it!
So The first time I typed "snacks" I mistyped it as "snakes". AH! I just shuddered a little bit.
I am real glad there are no fruit snakes in my house. If you don't already know: snakes freak me the hell out. I was nearly attacked* by a snake when I was younger, so I have you know...issues.
Maybe one day I will go to therapy or the Maury Povich show and overcome my fear. But for now...I just wish they didn't exist.
I don't care what anyone says...snakes DO NOT exist in Chicago and that's why I live here.
No snakes.
I probably couldn't live in Australia.
Not only do they have snakes but they have the kind of snakes that will break into your home, steal your babies, bite you in the ass and inject you with poison that makes you drool out the side of your mouth for the rest of your life and then just to be jerks...they bash in your mailbox with a baseball bat and spray paint the world "tool" on your garage door.
Is it a bad sign that this situation is so clear to me in my head?
*When I say "nearly attacked" I basically mean I turned around and saw this snake looking at me. But there was hate in his eyes I swear.
Ok.
I should probably just tell the full story now huh?
I'm like...seven.
I'm in Florida at my grandparent's condo.
There's a sidewalk with bushes on either side.
I am seven and I like things like lizards.
Under one of these bunches is a bunch of chameleons.
I am bent down watching the chameleons with my back to the other bush.
Suddenly I get the feeling I am being watched.
I turn around...
And coming out from the other bush, pretty much ready to crawl down my pants
WAS A VICIOUS DEADLY SNAKE**!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I screamed.
And screamed.
And ran upstairs to get my Dad.
Who came down with me
Just as Mr. Jerk Face (what I named him) was slithering back into his stupid Jerk Face hole in the ground.
And that is the story of why I am afraid of snakes.
Terrifying, no?
Also since the incident I now harbor an extreme mistrust of chameleons.
**By vicious deadly snake I mean...likely a black garden snake.
Oh man...coffee is probably a good idea. I can't be rehashing painful stories from my childhood this early in the morning without some sort of caffeine.
Don't forget....
Time is running out on the Find The Bad Thing contest! All guesses must be guessed by TOMORROW!!!! As of right now I have five guesses guessed. There is a prize involved! Don't forget that crucial bit of information.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
Today's quote of the day comes to us from a small child in Target via David, who overhead the child...
CHILD: Mom, there's 120 crayons in this box. That's a lot of crayons!
MOM: Yes it is.
CHILD: But mom...that's like a lifetime of crayons!!
DAVID: I want my kid to say things like that. Cutest ever.
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2 comments:
1) A Christmas Story
2) What if one of the "anonymous" people win your contest? Does the prize then go to the next best because you don't know who they are?
first, that movie reference was a little too obvious...let's try to step it up next time, k? and second, i'm really glad you told the snake story. the public needed to know. (because otherwise i probably would have told it instead)
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