Guys, I Have To Let You In On a Secret

Check out my crazy skills, I own those balls:

Um...ok...not so much...let me try again...

Wait! Wait! Watch!!....

Um...Ok...




Ok...Let me try one more time...please?...please?





...if you have babies or things that are on fire you probably shouldn't let me juggle them.

A Good Day Indeed

Today was a good day...

It was 40 degrees out today. (A little rainy and windy yes, but I had to stop myself from putting on shorts and a t-shirt)

Blackberries were buy one get on free at the grocery store. (I already ate a box. They were a little tart, but hey...what do you expect when they're buy one get one?)

I made some good strides on my documentary theatre project today. I have a meeting with my professor tomorrow to sort of go over what I've come up with so far. Ha...she could tell me to go a completely different direction, but as of right now...I feel pretty good about what I've accomplished thus far.

I had nachos for lunch. Nachos are a staple of my diet. Cheap, easy, and tasty. I think Nachos are what God made on the 7th day to eat while he watched a football game. Seriously, pretty sure it's in the Bible. Yeah...right here, "And on the seventh day God rested. But first he madeth himself a grand plate of nachos. And it was very very good. And he ateth them all instantly and then suffered indigestion, so God madeth Pepto Bismo. And God madeth it pink because God haveth a sense of humor and a penchant for the color pink. And so it was."

Oh yeah...and remember how I said in my last post I was holding on to my "ridiculous" crush? Um, all I have to say is that I have no idea how it's possible for someone to be that hot.
That's all.

QUOTE OF THE DAY OR THE WORLD ACCORDING TO DAVID
DAVID: You can take the girl out of home depot, but you can't take the homo out of the girl.

Thanks, David.

And Now For Something Totally Different

Guys, guess what?
Remember when I swore off online dating?
Unlike the other times when I swore off online dating only to go crawling back in my desperate lonliness, I've stuck to my guns!
Guys, GUESS WHAT??
I'm actually calm about being single.
I'm ok with being single.
For the first time in a while I'm not searching for a girlfriend or love interest in every face I meet.
I've got so much going on with my classes...in a good way that I'm almost totally consumed. My classes this year are so awesome. It's just the kick in the ass I needed to get myself up to that "next level" as a theatre artist or I guess...learning to be a theatre artist. And even though the semester is only two weeks young I'm already knee deep in the kind of work I love.
I'm taking a screenwriting class that forces me to write everyday. At the end of the semester I'll have written a 90-120 page screenplay. Awesome.
I'm taking advanced directing where I will direct a brand new 10 minute play written by my collegues in the playwrighting class.
And then this independent study class I'm in...at last count I had 15 books out from the library.
My classes this year are moving me towards discovery which feels so good.
Last semester (except for my Shakespeare class) sucked the life outta me. I was taking classes I didn't want to be in, and my schedule was such that it didn't allow me the opportunity to do theatre outside of school. Thank God photosynthesis is behind me.
Yeah..."Finding a Girlfriend" no longer is on my list of "Things To Do Today"! Aren't you guys proud of me?
...That said don't hesitate to inform me if you know of any hot available lesbians.
...That said I'm still going to maintain my "Never Going To Happen" crush (it's pretty much my favorite thing to do to fall for women who are somehow unattainable and/or highly unlikely to ever fall for me and/or straight) BUT now I'm ok with holding onto such crush simply as a means to have something nice to daydream about every now and then. NOT something that I hopelessly pine away for.
I know guys, I know...I'm totally turning over a new leaf here! And it feels damn good.
Yay for throwing yourself into work and having books to take to bed with you instead of women! (Er...right?)

In other news...
Today was a good day.
You want to know why?
I got a Cadbury Dairy Milk Chocolate bar today.
My boss/woman I owe my first born child to brought it for me.
I haven't opened it yet. It looks so pretty whole.
But I think I will be more satisfied with it in my stomach.

Hey guys, speaking of love check this out...this is my favorite SNL skit ever, with my two favorite commedians ever. I know when I meet someone who will dance with me like this, I will have met the love of my life (and I'm only half kidding):

Sorry for the crappy quaility, but it's the best I could find and better than nothing.

So this weekend I got together with my good pal Meghan and my other good pal Sehaj. We all used to go to school together before Meghan and I transferred. We were really good friends and haven't seen each other as a group together for over a year. A YEAR!! We marveled over the fact that we can now say we've known each other "years." And then we felt old. Anyway...here are some pictures from our evening together:


We're like the hottest friends ever, right? Look at us classy grown up ladies!

This is what we used to look like when we were just wee frosh:

Oh, bein' freshmen. We got into so much trouble. Our asses (mine in particular) got busted all the time for violating "quiet hours."
I know, I know...we were SUCH renegades. Other people got busted for underage drinking and having to go to the hospital for alcohol poisoning...we got busted for being weird and loud. It's just the way we rolled.
We would just go out into the hall way after 10:00pm, when everyone was supposed to be "quiet" and goof around (ie cartwheels in the hallway, talking in strange voices, sprinting up and down the hallways...I climbed the walls a couple times) we got yelled at a lot by the R.A. (I think she secretly thought we were hilarious.)
You know who never got in trouble though? The girls down the hall who would sit there and yell (at the top of their lungs) "VAGGGGINNNNNNNNAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!" and "DIIIICCCKKKK" and other more profane words I don't like to use (I know I swear, but there's one word I never ever use. It's another word for VAGGGGINNNNNNAAAAAAAAA. I just find it very unclassy). Anyway, these girls would yell things for the sake of being obnoxious, whereas me and my friends were just having fun. And the R.A. busted our chops. I think she was probably afraid of the other girls. Hell, I'd be afraid of someone sitting in the hallway yelling "VAAAAAAAAAAGGGINNNNNNNNNNNAAAAAAAA!!!" You probably shouldn't tell someone yelling that to be quiet. I mean, I would hope someone yelling "VAAAGIIIIIINNNNNNNAAAA!!" would have a damn good reason and you probably shouldn't meddle.

ANYWAY. Meghan, Sehaj, and I ate a tapas restaurant. Tapas are delcious. We ate many good things. Then this came to the table for desert:

Um...am I supposed to eat that?? Good thing we got a chocolate custard thing too, 'cause I had a hard time even looking at this guy. And if you can't figure out why, please allow Meghan, Sehaj, and I in a reversion back into our 18 year old selves to illustrate for you:

That clear enough for you?
Straight women and David...I admire you and have no idea what you could possibly find appealing about...that.
Ew.


QUOTE OF THE DAY OR THE WORLD ACCORDING TO MEGHAN GORDAN
MEGHAN: You know what's the most pointless letter in the alphabet?
ME AND SEHAJ: ...what?
MEGHAN: J. It's the most pointless letter ever. Like if you put a "g" in place of a "j" everything would still sound the same. Jelly would still sound the same if it were spelled with a "g"
SEHAJ: Yeah, but jam would then turn into "gam"
ME: Yeah, and my brother's name would be "Gim" and my Dad's name would be "Goe" and my mom's name woulda been "Ganet" those don't sound the same when you replace the "j" with the "g"
MEGHAN: Wow, I never realized everyone in your family's first name started with a "j" except for you.
ME: Yup.
MEGHAN: I just changed your entire family's first names. (Laughing) I think your family's names are pointless!
SEHAJ: Uh, Meghan...your last name starts with a "j".
MEGHAN: (Laughing) My last name would be "Gordan."
(Pause)
(Pause)
MEGHAN: What the hell did I just say you guys??

Sometimes I Am Not Classy

...like when all my black socks are dirty and I have to wear white socks with my black dress shoes.
I'm as unclassy as a straight man today.

No Country For Old Men

I saw No Country For Old Men tonight. Check it out:


It was really really good. The Coen brothers know how to make a damn good film. I always appreciate movies that are well shot, movies where the camera work goes beyond simply functioning as the method by which the story is told. This movie does just that.
The movie is really well written. It's based on a novel by Cormac McCarthy, which I'm sort of intrigued to read right now because apparently the movie is very faithful to the book. The dialogue and the language in the film is damn near perfect and equally matched by the visuals aspects of the film.
The acting is superb. Although, I have to say...I've got a real soft spot for Tommy Lee Jones. I just like him no matter what. Javier Bardem (the dude with the weird haircut) is absolutely frightening. That thing he carries around? It's an air gun. He uses is to shoot people. It is disgusting and freaky and weird. Bardem plays this character that is really quite insane...but it's this controlled and directed insanity that I find so scary. And it's what makes the movie really scary. There's really nothing more terrifying than a crazy person who knows exactly what he or she wants and will stop at nothing to do so. Josh Brolin is really good too. Woody Harrelson's part is rather small, but he's great. Milton the stapler guy from Office Space also makes an appearance. He's pretty good, although when I saw him sitting behind his desk I expected him to say:

That movie is so damn funny.
Anyway, No Country For Old Men is extremely intense. It was another one where I added my own soundtrack of noises. It is violent and scary but not overdone. Everything serves the story. It's classified as a "thriller" but really it's sort of modern Western.
That's all I have to say about it. Go see it if you can, it's really good.
Javier Bardem and that damn air gun will probably haunt my dreams tonight, but it was worth it.

Books About Homosexuality Have Hilarious Titles

So I went to the library today to pick up some books for the project I'm doing.
I needed books on homosexuality.
So I'm more or less in the "homosexual" section of the library.
It was right in between the "prostitution" section and the "sexual deviancy" section.
Seriously.
Thanks, library.
I would put you in between the "jerks" section and the "homosexuality shouldn't be between sexual deviancy and prostitution section" section.

Anyway.

So I'm sorta spending some time leafing through various books trying to decide which books would be most beneficial for me take.
And as I'm looking, I'm cracking up at some of the titles of these books.
I think it is quite possible that books about homosexuality have the most hilarious titles ever.
At first I was just going to file a few into the memory bank and maybe post them as a quote of the day. However, the more I looked the more I realized I needed a pen and paper to write them all down because there were so many great titles. Here are a few of my favorites...these are actual titles of books I saw...I couldn't make some of this shit up if I tried...

Straight (Right next to a book called "Homos")

The Men Who Beat The Men Who Love Them (Ok, I realize this is a very serious topic, but god damn get a better title. This title reads like a bad Maury Povich episode, and consequently made me laugh out loud.)

Spinsters and Lesbians (Seriously) (If this book were titled Spinster or Lesbian? it would be the question most single lesbians ask themselves everyday)

The Riddle of Man-Manly Love (Um, is that even...English?)

Overcoming Homosexuality (Ok, and I had to pick this one up because I was so intrigued and yes, it was a self help book about how NOT to be gay. It was by a psychologist. There is a chapter where he talks about how hard it is to be heterosexual. Um. Gay.)

The Homosexual Question (This title frankly scared me. It rang too close to the phrase "The Jewish Question" the Nazis used. I didn't really even want to touch this book so I don't even know what it was about. For all I know it could have said, "The answer to the homosexual question is that homosexuals are FABULOUS!!! Let's all have a non stereotypical dance party inside the pages of the book while a drag queen sings Judy Garland songs!" But I was too afraid to pull it off the shelf because it had such a creepy title)

There's Something I Have To Tell You ("I was backing out of the driveway and I killed your dog!...*cough cough* also I'm gay.")

My Dangerous Desires (What I think the subtitle should be: I'm A Lesbian Pyromanic and Other Essays)

Lesbian Ethics (What I think the subtitle should be: Just Who Should Get The Cat When You Break Up?)

What Does A Lesbian Look Like (Answer to that question:






)

Some Pretty Lake/School Pictures.

Remember when I said I was going to post some pictures of the new building?
Here it is:


This is the little passage way that connects the chapel to the the info commons. Pretty, no?


Here is where I like to sit in the info commons:


This is the view:
(Yeah I wasn't kidding when I said right on the lake)


Ok. And today while walking to class at 7:30, I noticed that the sunrise was especially beautiful (Maybe because the sun was actually not behind dense gray clouds...just a thought). So I saw the lake this morning through those archways pictured above and sorta lost my breath for a second. I decided I had to go the edge of the lake and look even though it was below zero out. And once there, I knew I had to take pictures. These really don't do it justice, but you sorta get an idea of just how pretty the lake was this morning. (P.S. Clearly, I took the top two pictures today as well, the pictures from inside the info commons I took on a much more drab January day):








And here's just a picture a took of the chapel this morning. The light was just really pretty:

Oh No, Duck!!

So, I'm sitting here in the gorgeous new "Information Commons" that my school just built. It's a brand new building with loads of cushy chairs to sit in, computers, tables, and places to plug up laptops. It's situated literally right on the lake and is pretty much made of windows, so you can imagine the beautiful view it offers. In fact, I am sitting in front of the lake as I type right now, but luckily nice and snug and warm. I took some pictures a few days ago and today that I'll post up later to show you what I mean. It's so pretty.
But pretty things can sometimes be distressing.
Case and point...right now I am sitting looking out at the semi-frozen lake and what do I see but a little duck swimming in the lake.
DUCK!
Are you stupid??
What happens if the lake decided to freeze over while you are swimming in it???
Well, I got bad news for you my friend...you are stuck until Spring.
AND if I saw you get frozen in the lake, well I would just have to come out there with a saw and get you out. Don't worry, I would just saw around you in the ice and then take you inside and put you in a bathtub full of warm water. I would't like...amputate your legs or anything (yes, I've thought about this).
BUT DUCK, here's the thing...I weigh way more than you. And not that I wouldn't come out there to get you but "hypothermia" isn't on my list of things to do right now.
So please, just get out the the damn lake. It's too cold to be swimming!! You are not impressing the ladies by jumping into a freezing lake, dude (it was a male duck) nobody cares. In fact, we all think you must be a little attention deprived.
DUCK!!!
Get out of the lake!!
Seriously, it's all I have right now not to get up and start pounding on the windows. I've only got two more semesters of school though, I've hid my insanity this long I can't afford to be thrown out now for lost marbles...

...I should go do some homework. And maybe move away from the window. But the building is made of windows!! NOOOO!!! *Insert Dramatic Meltdown Here*


Um. This is may or may not be my new favorite song. It's absolutely beautiful:

Ben Harper. "Happy Everafter in Your Eyes"
Uh. I love it. It's one of those songs that just grabs me in my gut. Go ahead, make fun of me. But you can't deny that it's not a great song.
Aw. So good. I've started listening to Ben Harper quite a bit. He's really good.

Holy Crap Comments!

So, in the past few days my blog has gotten a buttload of comments.
I thank you kindly!
Comments make me feel good inside.
With the influx of comments, there has been a rash of "anonymous" comments. Some of the comments I can sorta guess who the commenter is, but some of them really throw me for a loop and I have no idea who left them.
Now, I'm not going to ask you to leave your name with your comment. If you want to be anonymous, that is totally cool with me.
But...I wouldn't mind if you left your name.
It sorta seems like more people might actually read this damn blog than I thought. But if you want to be all mysterious like freakin' Zorro or whatever...hey, I get that. I'd be lying if I said I never wanted to ride around on a horse, masked in black, carving "Zs" into doors, dirt, and people's underwear with my sword. Plus, there is that whole romancing of women thing the dude seems to be pretty good at.
Damn.
Maybe that's the answer to all my love problems...just get a horse and ride around like Zorro and girls will love me.

The dude is pretty damn hardcore, you gotta admit. I mean...I wouldn't be out riding a horse in a lightening storm.
*Sigh*
Man, I wish I were hardcore like Zorro...

...yeah, that's probably not going to happen.
(That's half a blackberry sticking out of my mouth. I know. I know. Sexy, right? Well I just so happened to be having a conversation about love when that picture was snapped. A conversation about how awkward and weird and crazy people (like me and another who shall remain like Zorro, "Anonymous") are when they "have a crush" ok, let's use big girl language here..."are attracted" to someone. This is the face I make when I think about how ridiculous it is to be attracted to the person I am attracted to.)

Anyway.

So yeah, if you want to leave your name with your comments, I think that would be swell. Points for being mysterious though too...comments having been popping up on old posts too that really have me scratching my head. I just sorta like to keep track of who's reading so I know who I'm not allowed to say bad things about.
...Unless you're George W. Bush. George W. Bush, if you read this blog (duh, everyone reads this blog apparently) I want you to know I think you're a huge asshole. I don't care if you know that I say bad things about you. I say bad things about you ALL THE TIME. You want you a secret Mr. Bush? Remember that post I wrote a while ago about how I was labeling my posts so they would be better organized? Once upon a time, you had your own label. Yes, Mr. Bush. You had your very own, "George W. Bush" label and every time I wrote about you I labeled with that special label. But while I was streamlining my labels into broader catergories I realized that the "George W. Bush" label could easily fit into the "Assholes" label. That's my secret for you Mr. Bush. Posts about you were just shoved into the "asshole" category. Sorry, I decided you're not good enough to get your own label.
P.S. I also found that "Republicans" fit quite nicely into the "Assholes" label.
Ooooo...double burn!!!!


In conclusion...if you're a new reader to Confusing Ideas Since 1986, I welcome you humbly. If you're an old reader, I thank you for continuing to read. If you're an old reader posing as a new reader...I'm on to you and your clever games!

Why I Love Natalie Dee

This is a comic titled "Flying Squirrel"...


nataliedee.com

Today's Horoscope

This was my horoscope for today...

"Romantic prospects can influence your receptiveness -- you could get starstruck."

Gee thanks yahoo horoscope.
If I coulda had that warning like...months ago that woulda been swell. You're telling me now?

Although, I'm not even really sure I know what this means..."influence my receptiveness"? "Starstruck"? I mean, is this like a warning? Like, a romantic prospect could make you deaf, dumb, and blind? Or is it like a "be on the look out" sorta thing? Like, a romantic prospect that's so great it will knock me off my feet?

Huh. Well, clearly, you know nothing about my romantic prospects (eh..."prospects" is a strong word) (especially when used in the same sentence as "starstuck"). Really...what this horoscope should say:

"Dear Amy,
You're hopeless.
Love,
Astrology"

Bits and Pieces...Part of A Well Balanced Diet

So I don't have an over arching theme for today's post. Just a lot of things I've been meaning to touch on for a while, but haven't really gotten around to...

First and foremost. I officially begin my senior year starting tomorrow. How awesome is that? I have two more semesters!!! I'm only graduating a semester behind my classmates, even after taking a year off. Not to shabby, right? So even though I'm graduating "late" I'm still technically graduating "early" because I did it all in 3.5 semesters. Eat it! I love school so much but I'm really looking forward to graduating just so I can START. This semester is going to be pretty rockin' though, I have to say. Here are my classes:
Mass Media and Popular Culture (A random class I shoved in just to fill out my schedule, but it could prove interesting)
Voice and Diction For The Stage (I need to learn how to use my diaphragm (the muscle, not the birth control) better)
Advanced Directing (Sweet. I love Directing)
Screenwriting (Awesome, since I couldn't get into playwrighting)
AND
I'm doing an Independent Study which called "Oral History in Performance" where I'll basically craft and perform a one person documentary theatre performance. I am so stoked to get to work on this project.
It's going to be a fabulous semester. I can just feel it. What a great way to kick off SENIOR YEAR! (Heck yes I'm a senior) (Heck yes I'm two semesters away from my degree)

Ok...so that was the first thing I had to get off my chest. Sorry if it was boring, but I'm just really damn excited for my classes this semester. I also just got a glowing review from my Shakespeare proefessor from last semester, and that made me feel pretty dang good.

Ok...so, I saw I Am Legend with David last night.
...I screamed a lot. Well, I don't so much scream as make guttural noises that spew forth from deep within my throat. It's probably very bad for my throat as I will well learn in my upcoming Voice and Diction class. Eh. Whatevs. I can't help it. If you go see a movie with me, be warned...I add my own soundtrack. I'm not obnoxious, I don't talk through movies...but I certainly feel free to whimper, yell, make my famous constipated grunts, and tell the actor(s) on screen to, "just fucking run!"
The movie wasn't "scary" but it was pretty suspenseful. Things did jump out from time to time, cute dogs were mauled by mutant humans, and things exploded. It actually wasn't a half bad movie. I was kinda surprised. But I am sort of a sucker for action movies. I have a super secret desire to be an action movie star. Shhh...don't tell anyone, it will ruin my street cred as an actor. I'm not so hot on the end of the movie, and it wasn't so much what happened at the end as it was the lame attempt to sorta tie things up in a half assed M. Night Shyamalan sorta way (I'm talking about the "look at the butterfly, Daddy" thing if you've seen it). Overall though, it was fun and interesting to watch. I'm not saying to run to your nearest theatre and see it, but I actually would recommend theatre viewage over renting the DVD. The CGI animated animals and mutant humans were a little hookey, but the special effects that postulated what would occur in New York City if humans were wiped out were pretty incredible. It was really eerie.
Anyway.
Here's the trailer:

So, I came home last night after seeing the movie and wasn't too freaked out. Like I said it wasn't "scary." I mean there are mutant humans after Will Smith, but it's a sci-fi thriller and not a blood and guts horror. Anyway, I'm laying in bed and I just...start thinking. I start thinking about what would happen if mutant humans decided to come after me. So I did the only logical thing I could do...I got up and armed my security system. Not that it would do any good. I mean, I would pretty much just know they were in the house then and that I was toast. I can just picture the ADT call...
ADT: Hi, this is ADT do you need assistance?
ME: Um, yeah...my house is under attack.
ADT: Burgulars?
ME: No...mutant humans that want to eat my flesh.
(pause)
ADT: Um...
ME: I've barricaded myself in the bathroom but I don't think it's very long before they bust in here. They looked really hungry. Can you send some help?
ADT: Um...you want the police?
ME: Whoever's available is cool.
ADT: Um...let me put a call out...
ME: I mean, do you guys have like a priest on speed dial for these sorts of things? You think an exorcism would help?
ADT: Um...sure...let me just...oh...um...sorry...it looks like you're not signed up for our exorcism services.
ME: Well can I sign up?
ADT: Yeah, but it's a 30 dollar upgrade.
ME: OK. Just bill me for it.
ADT: I need to take a payment now.
ME: Um, not to be rude but I'm kinda not in a position to get you paid right now.
ADT: I'm sorry then I can't upgrade you.
ME: Can I do an I OWE U. Or something? Please?
ADT: Sorry that's against company policy.
ME: Ok. Ok. Just send the police.
(pause)
ADT: Um...all available cars are currently unavailable...
ME: Look, I don't have much time here so could you just send whoever is available out?
ADT: Um...sure...let's see...the fire department is busy too...um...I can send out a gang of angry citizens with pitchforks?
ME: Is that all you have?
ADT: Do you want to angry citizen pitchfork mob or not, mam?
ME: Well not if you're going to be snotty with me!
ADT: Fine, then get eaten by the mutant humans.
ME: Maybe I will. Maybe I will. What was your name again?
ADT: Uh...Barry.
ME: But I'll have you know Barry that as soon as I'm done getting eaten by these mutant humans, I'll be writing an angry letter to your supervisor. I hope you feel good about yourself, Barry. I hope you feel good about yourself.

...that was random.

Oh! So look at this:

David took this picture one night when we were out at a bar. It just proves what an nerd I am. It's a candid picture and he totally caught me with a dopey grin on my face while the cute waitress was at the table. I am bust-ed. Pretty funny though, right? *Sigh* I don't think I'll ever catch a girl's attention if all I do is sit around with a dopey grin on my face whenever a cute one comes around...
...I need a new girl game plan. Haha.

So I've been meaning to post this video for a while. It's pretty damn funny...(well it makes me laugh)...

(This video is helping me with my french)

Sweeney Todd Review

So a while ago I was going to post a review about Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street but I got distracted by girls.
Now I am not distracted by girls so now I will post my review of Sweeney Todd.

I posted the trailer a while ago. Here is a short video with some complied clips of the movie (none of the clips give anything away):

And yes. That is Sacha Baron Cohen aka Ali G aka Borat as the "Italian" barber, Signor Adolfo Pirelli.

OK. Where to begin?
I should first say: I adore Tim Burton's work. I think his ability to turn the grotesque into something beautiful is truly astounding. I love that he can make the weird and the strange into something gorgeous (case and point: Edward Scissorhands). I love him.

I should also say: I'm not crazy about Sondheim. I'm just not all that into his music. I don't like Into the Woods at all. Company is pretty good, and actually the music for Sweeney Todd is not bad either. BUT I think the classic Sondheim-esque sound fits very well with the themes and story of Sweeney Todd. Not so much for a show about fairy tales. (Even though I realize the true fairy tales were quite gruesome. I just don't like Into the Woods, ok?)

I should also say: I love off-color stories. I love weird stories. I love stories that are a little grotesque (and not in a blood-and-guts-dead kinda way...just in a way that's not necessarily what people would regard as pretty or beautiful) (Which is why I adore Tim Burton's work). Sweeney Todd is most certainly an off-color, weird, grotesque story. Awesome.

OK.
Having said all that...

I really liked the movie. Here's what I thought about the movie in shorthand:

Acting: Pretty good. Depp and Carter have a great dynamic. Great presence from all the actors. Alan Rickman is always creepy and brilliant. Sacha Baron Cohen had a bit part, but did a fabulous job.

Singing: Eh. They're movie stars. I wasn't expecting too much here. Because I'm not a trained singer, or all that knowledgeable on how Sondheim music needs to be done...the singing didn't bother me too much. Are Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter Michael Cerveris or Patti LuPone*? Um, no. Could Michael Cerveris or Patti LuPone be in the movie with the same amount of screen presence as Carter or Depp? Probably not. It's a give and take. I get that. The singing wasn't great, but ok with me.
*Patti LuPone and Michael Cerveris are Broadway actors that recently starred in the revival of Sweeney Todd on Broadway. Both are brillant. Patti LuPone is a legand on the American stage. Here is LuPone and Cerveris performing at the Tonys:

Yeah. Awesome, right? I really want to see Sweeney done on stage now. And frankly...I want to see this version.

Directing: The direction was fabulous. Tim Burton really knows how to work a camera and uses angle and movement magnificently. It was good enough where I noticed it, but not certainly did not stand out in a way that overshadowed the movie. The movie has Tim Burton's stamp all over it. From camera angles, to sets, to the costumes, to the look of the characters...to the angled roof of Todd's barber shop that calls back to Edward Scissorhand's Gothic dwelling...it's his work through and through. And it's all fabulous.

Sweeney Todd is quite gorey and violent. I mean, the violence and gore is inherent in the nature of the story (wrongly wronged barber who reaps his vengeance by slitting the throats of his customers and sending the bodies down to the bake shop to be made into meat pies).
How the gore is handled is in the choice of the director. Most stage shows have a rigged razor that squirts blood as Todd slits the throats of this victims. The Broadway revival communicated the killing/gore by pouring bright red "blood" from one bucket to another (David). (I was just citing my source there so I don't get sued for plagiarism. I've never seen it on stage, I just know about it from what my musical theatre encyclopedia, David, has told me).
Anyway.
Tim Burton's choice was to go classic horror movie bad with the gore. The victims squirt and spew blood as he kills them, but the blood is very bright and almost looks like paint. So while it is quite gorey, the blood is noticeable unrealistic. It was an aesthetic choice, one that I thought worked very well.
Not so unrealistic though, is the horrifying sound the dead bodies make when Todd sends the bodies down the chute to the basement of the bakeshop. They land with a gut-wrenching crunch. And furthermore, the camera does not cut away as they hit the floor, so you see necks snap and bones break. It's pretty awful. I yelled and/or made some sort of guttural noise each and every time a body fell or a throat was slit.
Though it make have been stylized gore and violence, it was still horrifying to watch. Mission accomplished on that one, Tim Burton. Mission accomplished. Apparently, my noises were quite loud because after the movie, my friend Meghan told me I might as well have added my own soundtrack and that she was shaking with laughter in the chair next to me anytime I let out a yell. David, on the other hand, would say, "Fab-u-lous!" or "Love it!" each time a body fell to the basement and hit the deck.
Also...the idea of human meat going into meat pies is disgustingly realized in the movie. It inloves body parts, a meat grinder, and some well suited sound effects. The end effect made my stomach turn.
The amount of gore and violence is sort of unusual for a Burton film. As much as his films are grotesque and Gothic, gore and violence are hardly ever involved. Save for a movie like Sleepy Hollow, which has similar gore/violence style as Sweeney Todd does.
But if you are ultra squeamish, I would say sit this one out or be warned (or at least go with someone who's arm you can grab onto).

Ok, now I need to talk about the last part of the movie. If you haven't seen it and intend to...here be spoilers. If you know what happens at the end of Sweeney Todd but haven't seen the movie and don't want to know how Burton handles the end...here be spoilers.




So, Benjamin Barker is this dude right? And this other dude (an evil and corrupt judge) decided he wanted to mac on Barker's wife, right? So he has Barker arrested to he can take Barker's wife and child for his own. He sends Barker away, Barker comes back a broken and vengful man adopting the ego of *cue the dramatic music* SWEENEY TODD!!! After coming home and meeting Mrs. Lovett (owner of the bakeshop who is in love with Todd (who doesn't seem to notice)) who informs him his wife killed herself via poison and that the evil judge has taken on his child as his ward, Todd vows to exact revenge on the judge and spends the rest of the movie trying to get to the judge to kill him erstwhile slitting the throats of his clients and sending the bodies to Mrs. Lovett to put into her meat pies.
Phew.
Ok.
Here is where the spoiler comes in...
So there's this little old beggar lady we see float in and out throughout the movie. She happens to be in the wrong place and the wrong time and Todd quickly and without question cuts her throat and sends her to the bakeshop.
The judge enters his barber shop, and Todd...uh...hacks his throat to pieces. He sends his body to the bakeshop.
Todd then goes down to the bakeshop, wishing to hack the judge to pieces himself. He comes upon Mrs. Lovett who is dragging the body of the old woman away so Todd won't see her. Todd looks at her closely, and realizes *cue dramatic music* that the old woman he so swiftly disposed of was HIS WIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Todd than kills Mrs. Lovett for lying to him (she told him his wife was dead because she wanted to steal Todd for herself (bitch)) by throwing her in the oven.
Yeah, don't take the kids to this one.
SO!
...all this to get to the end scene which I want to talk about.
Todd kills Lovett, and is cradling the body of his murdered-by-his-own-hand wife. when Toby (who tried to convince Mrs. Lovett earlier that Todd was a bad man and that he would protect her, "Nothing's gonna harm you not while I'm around") who has been hiding in the bakeshop Mrs. Lovett locked him in (Mrs. Lovett locked him in there after she found out he was onto Todd being nuts, because she loved Todd and didn't want Toby to call the police)...ok...where the heck was I???
So Toby, who has been hiding in the bakeshop, privy to all this (including Todd killing Lovett) comes out and slits Todd's throat.

OK!

Got it???

NOW!
All to just to talk about the last scene. And I don't really even have anything great to say about it. Don't you guys love my blog?

SO!
In the Burton's movie, Todd is on the ground cradling his wife's body, right?
Toby comes up behind, and Todd senses someone there and sits upright.
Toby slits hit throat.
A waterfall of blood spurts forth from Todd's throat. That happens for a couple seconds...
And then his head slips slowly forward as he dies.
The blood is dripping everywhere.
And the camera closes in...
And you see his blood falling all over the body of his dead wife, who, though he is dead, he is still holding in a pieta.
You see his blood fall over her face and her entire body.
The camera closes in close enough, where is seems to be raining blood.
Sounds absolutely heinous and disgusting right??

I am not lying when I say it's on my list of most beautiful moments I've ever seen on film.

...I'm not totally off the wall crazy for the movie. It was really good. I really liked it...but that single moment...blew me away.

...kinda like Burton's movie Corpse Bride. The movie itself wasn't too great. It was very well animated and the art in it was incredible...but the story and writing fell a little short. BUT the last moment in the film, where the Corpse Bride disintegrates into butterflies that fly off into the moonlight...literally brought me to tears.
...I'm such a nerd.

Uh...About Those Labels...

So remember when I said I was adding labels to all my posts?
Yeah.
I did.
And...uh...let's jsut say they're wound up being lots of labels. Lots. Way too many to even justify having labels.
So, uh...
I might go back and just take out all the labels, or I may do my best to streamline them into broader categories.
Either way it's going to be a challenge with my OCD.
Hopefully, in a few days you guys will see a nifty list on the side bar of my blog listing various labels which will then take you to specific posts. It might take me a while. It's difficult when you blog about everything from pigeons to old people to
*Sigh*
Well...good thing it's slow in the box today. I better get to labeling.

You Know Your Love Life Has Reached A New Low When...

...you start debating the hotness of Disney Princesses.

Specifically, who is hotter: Belle or Ariel? Ariel or Belle?


This is a serious debate, you guys.

In the nature of debate I offer these...
EXHIBIT A for the hotness of Belle:



EXHIBIT B for the hotness of Ariel:


Ok. Now I will break down each girls "hot points" (hot points are things that make a girl hot. For example, Natalie Portman's laugh wins her "hot points" and Kate Winslet's accent wins her "hot points") Now commenceth "hot point" breakdown of Ariel and Belle...

Belle's "Hot Points"
- Smart, well-read
- French (Bonjour!)
- Kind-hearted and gentle
- " Look there she goes that girl is so peculiar/I wonder if she's feeling well/With a dreamy far-off look/And her nose stuck in a book/What a puzzle to the rest of us is Belle"
- Gorgeous Brunette

Ariel's "Hot Points"
- Beautiful Red Head
- Spunky and Funny
- Wears a sea shell bra *cough cough* nice boobs
- Has a lovely voice
- Doesn't let her love be restrained by societal standards(Yeah, I know...I know...I've given this all way too much thought)

Ok. Now what we've talented "hot points" we should also tally..."not hot points"...

Belle's "Not Hot Points"
- Fell in love with a beast...which is like an animal...which is...gross, and frankly not something I want to be involved in.

Ariel's "Not Hot Points"
- Has questionable judgements (ie...deals with Sea Witches) (but, I guess she does do it in the name of love, but she could have always just talked to her Dad...I mean the dude does have a magical Triton, I'm pretty sure he coulda given her legs if she wanted them that badly)

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!
I can't decide!!!
I think if Belle and Ariel someone combined themselves into one woman I would have myself a life partner. (Of course, we'd have to somewhere in the combining process make sure super-hot-combo woman would love me and not...beautifully chiseled gallant princes. Can I say I hate those guys? They're jerks. Stealing up all the good woman. Share the wealth dudes, share the wealth!)













...I need a girlfriend.
All right, look...I'm not complaining. I'm totally cool on my own. I'm not one of those people who absolutely MUST be attached to someone. Quite the contraire. I am vehemently unwilling to be attached for the sake of being attached which makes trying to find someone all the more difficult.
I'm just saying there comes a point where you think to yourself,
"Dang, cooking for two sure would be nice."
or
"Hm. Sorta wish I had a cuddle buddy to watch this movie with me."
or (in my case)
"I wish there was someone around to reach that bowl off that "high" shelf for me so I didn't have to jump up on the counter."
Girlfriends: Good for cooking for
Girlfriends: Good for cuddling
Girlfriends: Good for reaching things when you are impossibly small. (Not that I want to date a giant or someone who's 3 feet taller than me...but, dating someone normal sized would help out in life...a lot.)


QUOTE OF THE DAY
DAVID: If I don't remember, I'll forget.

CARLY (Reading US Weekly): Shiloh is Brad and Angelina's actual baby.
AMY: Like actual actual baby?
CARLY: Like baby she put forth from va-jay baby.

(Debating the hotness of Ariel and Belle)
AMY: I was trying to decide who was hotter Belle or Ariel...
CARLY: But Ariel doesn't have a va-jay.
AMY: Yeah she does!
CARLY: I guess she does but it's super secret hidden.
...later...
AMY: And it's not ALL about the va-jay, Carly.
CARLY: Yeah but those are the best bits. (Excellent pun, Carly. You know how much puns AND bits)

I Am Bad At It

So, as any good lesbian will tell you, tonight is The L Word season 5 premiere.
As I've said before, I'm hot and cold on The L word.
Meaning, I don't really like it but occasionally I get sick of seeing straight people make out in movies and TV so it becomes somewhat necessary to put my feelings on the shitty writing and bad storylines aside and watch it just to see girls be in love instead of men and women.
If you want to get an idea about what I mean here is a "trailer" for season 5:


Um. Prison Sex? REALLY??
Anyway.

The L Word plays on Showtime. Not many people have Showtime. Alas, no worries plenty of bars in the area play the show. One such bar is a place called T's which is a semi-gay bar. Meaning, it's not labeled as a "gay bar" but it in the middle of Andersonville and next to a place called "The Manhole" and tons of lesbians hang out there so...yeah, it's a gay bar. T's is one of my favorite bars, it's really low-key, a nice setting, good food, fabulous sangria...but that's all beside the point. The point is...T's shows The L Word on Sunday nights. Tonight is the premiere. Therefore...tons of hot girls are at T's tonight.
So, I'm sitting here alone in my apartment, getting ready to write a post about Sweeney Todd the movie because I know how much you all care about my opinions and I was looking up clips to put into the post, but somehow I just couldn't concentrate. I was...restless, if you will. Suddenly, I thought,
"I don't like The L Word. But I like cute girls."
So my thought that succeeded that thought was,
"I should go to T's."
I've gone to T's alone before.
Well, once.
And it was like at 6:00 on a Friday and I had a bite to eat and a drink and left.
It took me like an hour to psyche myself up to go to a bar alone.
(I'm awkward)
But I actually going to the bar myself wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I had good conversation with the bartender and the woman sitting next to me.
So I thought,
"I've been to T's alone once before. I can do it again!"
So, I call David and run the plan by him and he thinks I should go too.
(Just wanted to make sure it wasn't completely and totally sad to show up alone)
So I get changed.
I put on a black button down I just got from the Gap.
I put on a pair of dark jeans.
I put my contacts in.
(Yeah, I know. I wasn't messing around)
I mull over what coat to wear for ten minutes...
And I'm out the door.
I'm on the phone with David and I get to T's and do a "walk by" and inside I see...
A crapload of lesbians.
Lesbians
Lesbians
Lesbians
The place is PACKED
So I start to get intimidated.
Really intimidated. When craploads of lesbians are afoot I start to hyperventilate (not really, but I start to that, "Jesus I really shouldn't be here. Oh my God, I should have just stayed home and watched Jaws III again. Oh my God, I'm so lame. I'm so lame. I'm so lame. I'm going to go in there and they're all go to say, 'Hey! Lame-y Amy is here.' I'm so lame. I'm so lame. I'm so lame. Too many girls. Too many girls. Too many girls."
...you don't want to even know how I get when I start to speak with an attractive girl. Hm. Speak is a stong word. More like...stumble and stutter my way through a conversation.
ANYWAY!
I sit on the bench outside talking to David for about fifteen minutes with him trying to convince me to go in and me trying to convince myself as well.
I'm sitting on the bench beginning to think I should have just stayed home.
...but I really like cute girls.
...and there are lots of cute girls inside.
So with David on the phone I go inside, there's a bouncer at the door, so I hang up with David and show my ID.
The bouncer (well, I use the term "bouncer" but really it was just a 40 something lesbian) and she looks at my ID (the picture on my ID is absolutely HENIOUS) and tells me she likes my hair now. I joke and tell her I was sick of looking like Harry Potter. Her hair is short too, and we joke a moment about how easy it is to have short hair.
I move into the bar.
I am not sure what I'm looking for.
The place is so packed, I'm pretty sure even if I did know I wouldn't be able to find it anyway.

Here is what I hoped would happen:
I would pass someone cute, she would see me and think I was cute too...
SHE WOULD GO: Hi. You're cute. My name is Natalie. What's yours?
I WOULD GO: Hi. I think you're cute too. My name is Amy.
SHE WOULD GO: Are you here with friends?
I WOULD GO: No, I'm here alone.
SHE WOULD GO: Couldn't miss The L Word premiere, huh?
I WOULD GO: Actually, it was the cute girls I couldn't miss.
SHE WOULD GO: You should sit here with us.
I WOULD GO: Well thank you.
...or something.

Here is what actually happened:
I walk into the bar and it's totally packed.
So packed I can't find a place that's inconspicuous but not too inconspicuous so as to be seen by cute girls.
I literally would have had to stand in the middle of the room.
So I walked in the front door...
...and right out the back.
I'm so bad at it.

I wish I had the confidence to walk in there, grab a drink go up to a table of cute girls and say,
"Hey...I'm here alone, mind if I hang out with you?"
And everyone is always so nice I'm sure they'd say, "Sure!"
The trouble is working up that sort of confidence.

Being single sucks so hard.

I DID notice that when I walked in the bar I DID turn heads.
Now, I'd like to think that this maybe because I am somewhat attractive. However, these head turns could also be...
"Oh look, that dope who was outside on her phone for 15 minutes looking stupid finally decided to come in."
or...
"Who the hell let the 13 year old boy in?"
or...
"Wow. She's tragic."
or...
"She clearly has no idea what she's doing."

I am so bad at it.

You want to know what I'm good at it?
Getting crushes on girls way out of my league.
Not to brag, but it's a gift.

You want to know the good news?
I've sworn off online dating once and for all. It's just hasn't worked for me. And when it comes down to it...I don't really want to meet someone that way either. I've officially removed craigslist from my bookmarks. I thought briefly at the start of the year, "OK, if you want to meet someone online go to a real site and put up a realy profile with a picture." But I just don't want to. I don't want to meet someone like that.
...and I'm still holding out hope I'll mee the love of my life in a bookstore.
...or in a magical ice cream store.
...or in a store that sells ponies.
One of those three places I will meet the love of my life.
(Probably not)





...so I've recently aquired Jaws III on DVD.
In case you didn't know, it is the best worst movie ever made.
Here is a clip from the movie, it is the best-worst part. The premise of Jaws III is that Jaws gets into Sea World. How awesome is that??? I think it should have said, "Jaws is going to eat your ass at Sea World" on the movie posters.
*SPOILER ALERT*
(This is the end of the movie, so if you've never seen it and having been meaning to since the 80s don't watch this.)

Amazing, right?
And yes...that is an incredibly young Dennis Quaid.
AND the movie ends with a freeze frame with dolphins. What more could you ask for in an awesomely bad movie??
You should really see the whole thing to truly appreciate it.
And don't worry...I have it. You can borrow it.
Better yet, come over.
We'll watch it together.
I think it gets better (and by better I mean worse) (which is awesome) the more times I watch it.

Welcome to Chicago Where It's A Balmy 60 Degrees In January

...brought to you by Global Warming.

Big round of appaluse for Global Warming, everybody.

What's that?
No that baby polar bear isn't crying. Well...yes...he is crying but because he's so happy. Yes. So happy. You see, baby polar bear has always wanted to see what it would be like to live in a climate with temperatures above freezing. So he cries tears of joy. Thank you Make-A-Wish for making this baby polar bear's dream come true*.

*DISCLAIMER: Make-A-Wish is no way affilated with Global Warming

(Will someone please shoo the crying baby polar bear into the closet. I'm trying to make everyone think global warming is awesome here, and it doesn't help when cute baby polar bears are crying! And shoo those penguins wearing the "Re-Freeze The Ice Caps" t-shirts into the closet too!...I don't give a damn if the crying baby polar bear might eat the penguins in fact it might be a good idea. Give the baby polar bear a bottle of tartar sauce and lock them all in the closet.)


...wow.
...even for my blog...
That was random.

If You Tie Your Dog To A Post Outside Of Starbucks...

...I will take a picture of it.


This was the first dog I met. He was wearing a sweater.


Here is another picture of the stylish sweater wearing pooch. (I think he's better dressed than me) (He was also a rhinestone studded collar).


The sad thing about this dog was that he had no sweater. And he was shaking out in the cold. Really. I was sitting inside and could literally see his skin shivering.


Here is another picture of the cold dog. I never thought I would hear myself say this: but will someone please put that dog in some human clothes? Or give him a blankie?

These pictures also illustrate why I love dogs: because from the second they're tied up to the minute their owner comes back they sit there and watch the door their human went into. And if they can see inside the store, they watch their owners every move. And when the owners come back. They get really excited. If you had a cat on a leash and tied him or her up outside of Starbucks while you went inside to get your latte I'm pretty sure by the time you got back your cat will either:
a) Not be there
or
b) Ignore you for the rest of the day and possibly refuse to walk home with you.
Which is probably why you don't see a lot of people walking their cats. I mean I know cat leashes exist, and I'm pretty sure many cat owners have bought them hoping to bond with their cats through walks in the park and jaunts by the lake only to be severely dissappointed.
Don't you know?
Cat's are way too good to be walked around on a leash.
If you want to walk something on a leash, you should get a dog.
Or, as we've learned...a rabbit.

When Tigers Attack!!...and...later...When Poodles Meet Wind-Up Toys!!!

So today the San Francisco Zoo reopened after a tiger escaped and mauled a couple people on Christmas Day.
Yeah.
I said mauled.
The tiger escaped out of her cage by jumping the wall and proceeded to maul three people.
One person was killed via the mauling and two others were...well, mauled.
The mauling was not stopped until police shot the tiger to death.
Yeah.
Isn't that like the worst thing you've heard in a while?
There's a lot I'd like to say about this so, rather than try and form it into a tight, coherant, well structed post like a good writer, I'm just gonna throw out some bullet points. Deal with it.


- I'm not sure if I can think of anything more frightening than being mauled by a tiger (except being mauled by a tiger while "Christmas Shoes" plays in the background but I would hope such punishment would only be reserved for the 7th ring of hell).
I can't quite imagine being ripped into by a tiger.
Especially at a zoo. I mean, in the wild animals are seen as wild and I think people kinda realize when on a Siberian Safari, "Gee...I probably should poke this tiger with a stick because he could turn around and rip my face off." But in a zoo there's this sort of domesticated feel. We gawk at the animals and think, "They're so cuuuute!!!"
And yes.
Yes.
They are cute.
But zoo tigers can still rip your face off and zoo monkeys still fling around their own poo.
Neither of which are very becoming or "cuuuute."
In fact, both are sort of repulsive.
I'm also pretty damn sure the last thing a tiger wants to here is that it's, "cuuuute." If I were a tiger and people stood at my cage all day gawking at me and telling me how cute I was and pounding on the rails around my cage to get my attention...I'm pretty damn sure I would want to rip someone's face off too.
Just like tigers in the wild, zoo tigers do not like being poked with a stick (literal or metaphorical) and just because a tiger is in a zoo and caged...you shouldn't necessarily count on that cage holding said tiger because apparently sometimes they can just jump out. Go figure.
Conclusion: When going to the zoo, leave your "tiger poking sticks" at home.


-So it's under "investigation" as to whether or not the people who were mauled were taunting the tiger or not.
Ok.
Um...not that I don't have sympathy for the tiger here, but should it really matter whether or not these people were taunting the tiger?? I mean...I certainly don't think any animal deserves any sort of disrespect but I don't think these dudes expected the tiger to jump out of her cage and maul them.
And allegedly, the walls were significantly below the regulation height for tiger cages.
So what you're basically saying is that you put a tiger in a cage that it could possibly jump out of and then said tiger proceeded to jump out of the cage and deliver a horrifying death to one person and horrifying injuries to two others and now you're going to ask these kids who have their intestines hanging out, "Well, did you tease her?!?"
You guys suck.
Like I said, I certainly understand the tiger's point of view here. I think all animals deserve the utmost respect.
I however, would be lying if I said I never stood behind the gate at my grandfather's condo in Florida while my brother and I called out "Fresh Meat! Fresh Meat! Fresh Meat!" to the alligators in a lagoon not twenty feet away.
I'm just saying that maybe these dudes thought they were being funny (if they did taunt the tiger), just like my brother and I did. They certainly did not expect or deserve to be mauled by the same tiger later that day. Just like my brother and I did not expect an alligator to walk out of the lagoon and take us up on our "Fresh Meat" offer. (Now, not being a complete dumbass...I always made sure the pool was free of alligators before jumping in.)
I'm also really sick of hearing the word "investigation." I've never really seen any "investigation" yield anything useful. They're stupid and if you ask me a sham to make people feel better because often times the people who should be "investigated" seem to slip by the "investigating" while the people who shouldn't be "investigated" are and made to look bad. *Ahem Ahem* Bush Administration.
But that's beside the point.


-Which leads me to...responsibility. Yeah, this was a horrible horrible accident. I'm sure it would have been prevented if it could have. But when it comes down to it:
a) The tiger was in a cage it could get out of. Ok, yeah...maybe you've never seen a tiger jump that high Mr. Zookeeper, but there's a reason there are regualtions and your walls were under regulations. Tigers know how to jump high.
b) Tigers don't belong in zoos. Animals don't belong in zoos.
I am not a hippie, ok?
I understand zoos are important for us to learn about animals, I understand they're important for reasearch and I undertand that in many cases zoos preserve animals that would otherwise die in the wild because we're invading their homes to build condos.
I'm just saying it sucks.
Maybe one day we'll all figure out how to live in perfect harmony, until that day...we'll invade and cut down the jungle and tigers will break out of their cages and maul people.
It sounds stupid but it's a little like world politics: we're not going to understand each other until we truly want to and that won't happen until it's an absolute necessity.
For world politics that might mean not until we all have our nukes pointed at each other with our fingers on the triggers.
For the humans and animals that might mean not until we face mass extinctions (possibly our own) or the collective rising up of zoo animals from sloths to rhinos who will take over and maul the human race for fucking them over.
And yes, I do believe a sloth could maul a human being. That mauling would suck a lot because it would happen really slowly. Haha. Get it?


-The fact that the tiger was shot to death really bothers me. I'm glad they stopped it before it inflicted heavier damage, don't get me wrong.
But it's sorta provokes Frankenstein-esque feelings in me.
Here is a monster that's not really a monster that we've created by taking it out of it's natural environment and putting it in a cage that's too small for it so kids who think they're funny can mock it.
We suck.
My heart hurts when I think of that beautiful animal being so violently shot to death.
And least I be accused of of being unsympathetic towards my own species I will also say that my heart not only hurts but also screams in terror when I think about what those boys went through.
It's just a really crappy situation. Nobody deserved what they got.



Ok. Sorry about the heavy post about tiger mauling people. So I will now post a short video about what happens when a poodle meets a wind-up toy *cue dramatic music*
Here's a hint about what happens when a poodle meets a wind-up toy: Nothing gets mauled.



Yeah. Pretty sure that's one animal we can safely count on never mauling a member of the human race. I mean...she can't even take on a wind-up toy thats a 1/12 of her size.



P.S. I've just figured out I can make little "tag" things for my blog posts. So my next big project will be going back and adding appropriate "tags" to posts. I guess it will help if you want to find something easily. At least I think that's how it works. Eh. Maybe it will be a giant waste of time. Whatevs.

P.P.S. I'm adding a permanent link on my side bar, it's to David's photo-a-day blog. You should really go check it out. I'd put the link in here, but for whatever reason when I blog on my mac it doesn't let me hyperlink to other websites. I could give you the web address but you'd just have to copy and paste it into your browser, so you may as well just take the extra milisecond to roll your mouse to the sidebar and click on the link there.

P.P.P.S. Yes, that is my very own dog "attacking" the wind-up toy. I know. I know. We tried to unadopt her but they wouldn't let us. We also tried leaving her outside for few days, but that didn't work either. And because we're not horrible people we let her live on the back porch and occassionally let her come inside when it's really cold and to tease her with windup toys.
(That was all a lie) (Except for the part about the dog being my very own dog. That part was real. I mean..she's not my very own...but I know her and she lives at my house.)