City Living Drama Series #1: Amy vs. The Giant-Million-Legged-Sliver-Fish

Amy woke up this morning feeling pretty good about life. Sure it was 6:00am, but Amy doesn't mind getting up early and Amy has recently adopted a very Mary Tyler Moore attitude about life in general. It involves turning the world on with her smile, taking a nothing day and suddenly make it seem worth while, and occassionally throwing her hat in the air in jubilation when she realizes, she's going to make it after all.
But that all was about to change...fast.
After checking her email and making herself a lunch for the day Amy thought it might be a good idea to shower as she often does in the morning. Like many Americans and I guess, people in general, Amy wears glasses. Amy cannot see very well without her glasses. Not seeing well if probably the reason she wears glasses in the first place, so when they're not on...she doesn't see well at all! A lot of times when Amy is not wearing her glasses (like in bed) she sees things and isn't sure what they are. Like sometimes she sees a spec on her ceiling and thinks its a spider, but then she puts her glasses on and realizes, "Oh that's not a spider it's just the same spec I always think it a spider. Phew."
Amy also does not wear her glasses in the shower. (Cue forboding music)
So Amy gets in the shower this morning and doesn't notice anything amiss.
She does her shower business.
Amy is just finishing up her final rinse off when she notices a spec in the shower with her.
"Funny," Amy thinks to herself. "That spec wasn't there when I got in the shower I don't think. Oh well, it's probably one of those things I always think it something else when all it really is is a spec."

Then the spec started to move. The spec started to move very, very fast.

Immediately Amy jumped out of the shower. She threw on her glasses and looked in the shower to see...A GIANT-MILLION-LEGGED-SILVER-FISH!!!! It was trying to climb up the edge of the tub, but couldn't because it was wet. Amy makes her face and sounds she makes when something really bad it about to happen. Ask her for a demonstration if you know her. If you don't know her, she makes this sound whenever anything bad is about to happen...like if she almost gets in an accident, like if she almost sees someone get in an accident, like if something scary/gross happens on TV. What she does is contort her face and make a noise that is not at all a scream, it's kind of a constipated, urgent, grunt.
So Amy makes her constipated-urgent-grunt noise and tries to assess what to do. She is dripping wet.
The first thing Amy does is get a towel.
Amy wonders if she should got get a paper towel and just smash it. But this would involved getting close to with her hand and is not something Amy wants to do. Also, Amy is naked. And even though she has the towel wrapped around her Amy feels vulnerable when she's naked and this nasty bug is making her feel even more vulnerable so she decides to go get dressed quickly.
Amy goes and gets dressed. She puts shoes on because she decides the best way to kill the bug would be to throw a paper towel on it and then step on it.
She stops at her computer to check the weather.
Amy realizes she's going to feel worse if she doesn't take care of the bug (more like mutant alien bug) and grabs a wad of paper towels and goes to the bathroom to take care of the mutant alien.
Amy goes into the bathroom and looks in the shower.
The mutant alien bug is not where Amy left it.
Amy panics and looks around wildlly expecting to see the mutant alien bug and 300 of its closest friends poised for attack.
Amy sees nothing and thinks that this might be worse.
Amy cautiously pokes around the shower and shower curtain.
All the sudden the mutant alien bug shakes loose from somewhere on the shower curtain and is now running rampant circles around the tub.
Amy squeals. Yes, even lesbians squeal when they see disgusting nasty bugs.
The mutant alien bug stops. Amy seizes the opportunity, says, "Sorry you have to die." And throws the wad of paper towels onto the bug and SMASH! SMASH! SMASH! With her shoed foot.
Crisis averted?
Nay, friends, nay.
The mutant alien bug found saftey in the curve of the tub and quickly runs out from under the wad of paper towels.
Amy squeals and jumps out of the tub, she has to pace in and out of the bathroom for a few minutes. I believe in the sport world they call this, "walking it off."
Amy was walking it off.
Amy is scared.
She goes and gets another wad of paper towels and goes back to the bathroom. The mutant alien bug is waiting for her. She throws the paper towels on it again, but it hesitates and is not quick enough to step on it and the bug once again, runs out from under.
Amy whines.
She stares at the bug a while and wonders where the hell it came from and if she should be worried about this things killing her in her sleep.
Amy then gets a "fantastik" idea. She will poison the mutant alien with bathroom cleaner! She looks under the sink and finds a bottle of 409. She approaches the tub and starts to spray the mutant alien with the cleaner.
The mutant alien bug FREAKS out. It starts running crazy circles around the tub, Amy starts to wonder if the cleaner instead of killing the bug will make it mutate into something 10 times it's size. Suddenly, the bug slows. It seems to have gotten caught in a puddle of cleaner/water.
For a second Amy feels bad for it, its useless legs laying straight out. Then Amy realizes this is the mutant alien bug's weakest and she should sieze the opportunity and not screw it up.
She throws the paper towel over it and this time makes sure she SMASHES every where and ever part of the paper towel. SHe cautiously lifts the paper towel, expecting the mutant alien bug to leap out at her. It doesn't it's dead and smashed, several of it's leg's are floating in the puddle it got stuck in. Grossed out, Amy wipes it all up and throws the gut-ridden wad into the trash. After closing the lid she has a minor spaz-attack which is basically when you feel like you have bugs crawling all over you.
Then Amy ate some breakfast.
She felt very good about being able to kill the bug herself, even if it did take her 15 minutes.