Some Open Letters

Dear Barack Obama,

I thank you, dear sir, for the 3am text message. Had I known that "notifying your supporters via text message before the media" really meant, "I'll just text you at 3am, before you can tell anyone or feel special that you know because no one's going to want to discuss politics at 3am and by the time you get up the media and everyone else will know too" I may not have forked over my email address and cell phone number. Thanks, Barack Obama. No, I would not like to donate anything to your campaign.
I knew your VP pick at 3am. And guess who I got to tell? My giant dogbear. I realize that politics may never sleep, but I do sleep. And I quite like it. I'm sorry, sir, I may be a 22 year old hip lesbian with an interest in politics but I am also a surly old bitty when it comes to unwarranted interference of my sleep. Just ask my brother. And texting me your VP pick at 3am when I'll just wake up at 7:30am and see it all over the news and the internet anyway, is unwarranted interference of my sleep. Good for you, Mr. Obama. Now you have my email address and can inundate my inbox with buttloads of emails that I will promptly delete. You also have my phone number. And not just any phone number but my cell phone number, if you start calling me at 3am...I'll be forced to vote for a write in candidate...probably Harry from Harry and the Hendersons. Why? Because he's classy. And I'm prety sure he doesn't even know what text-messaging is.
I'm sorry Barack Obama. I like you. I really do. It's just that...oh, I don't know. Like, I felt really special when you said you were going to text me and tell me your VP pick. Perhaps the message you were trying to send is that you're the best candidate to answer the phone at 3am and also the best candidate to send text messages at 3am? But look. Barack? There's a reason we have a president. And that's so he or she can answer the phone at 3am while the rest of America sleeps. That's the point of a 3am phone call. You don't want to get it, but BY GOLLY you're the PRESIDENT so you have to do the duty your country voted you to do. Barack? (Can I call you Barack?) I'm not the president. You know what that means? I DON'T have to answer 3am phone calls. Or text messages.

I'm not mad.
I'm just disapppointed.
It's like buying a TV dinner because the photo on the packaging makes it look so delicious and then you put it in your microwave and take it out and are like, "Oh. Right. TV dinner does not equal eating at the Ritz".

Good luck with Biden. At least he thinks you're articulate and clean and nice-looking!

Love,
Amy




Dear Ancient ipod Mini,

We had a good run, friend. I am going to miss you a lot. Mostly, 'cause right now I can't buy another ipod. Since I have to...you know...buy books and stuff. You lasted me almost a whole 5 years! That's a lot for an ipod. And for that I am appreciative. But even yesterday, when I was loading you with all sorts of new tunes, and you decided to make strange internal noises and then just quit...it seemed too soon for goodbye. Maybe the next time I buy a new mac computer, I will get an ipod for free. Right.

Love,
Amy