The Puppy Games: Scientifically Proven To Be 10 Times More Entertaining Than The Real Olympics

So I watched the opening ceremonies last night. Parts were pretty cool. Those parts are as follows:
a) Massive amount of light up Fou drums played by massive amounts of Fou drummers? Like, 2000 plus massive amount? Amazing.
b) Perfectly synchronized and choreographed moving cuneiform blocks? Off the hizzy.
c) Thousands of performers doing Tai Chi in unison? Totally awesome.

But 'round about the parade of nations.
...I got a little bored.

So I started channel surfing.

I watched a few minutes of Law and Order, which you can always find, on some channel, at any time of day. I don't know why they just don't buy their own channel and air 24/7 Law and Order all the time. I mean, it's not my favorite show ever but if I'm super bored and need to just veg, it certainly is a great default show.

I watched a little bit of Hustle and Flow on BET, but there's prostitutes in that movie and that makes me feel bad inside, so I changed it.

I watched a little of whatever was on the Discovery Channel. I think it was probably Deadliest Catch, which would explain why it didn't hold my attention.

THEN

I turned on Animal Plant. Now, Animal Planet, being the smart and savvy TV station that it is, knows that it can't really compete with big name networks. And that they definitely can't compete with big name networks when big name networks are airing big name events.
So, Animal Planet, being the smart and savvy TV station that it is simply defaults to puppies.
During the super bowl they aired the "Puppy Bowl".
And during the opening ceremonies they aired "The Puppy Games."
These shows are nothing more than video footage of puppies romping around, rough housing with each other, running around and playing with copious amounts of puppy toys.
And
It
Is
Brilliant

It sounds like it should be so dumb. And the first few minutes of it, I'll admit, I was skeptical and I love puppies. I was like, "Really?? They're half-assedly trying to insert some sort of plot with lame commentary that really has nothing to do with what the puppies are actually doing?? Really?? Really?? Really they've really just thrown several puppies into an enclosure with some soccer balls and called it puppies playing soccer?? Really??? Really this is really just two solid hours of puppies being puppies???"
Yes.
Really.

Five minutes later I was transfixed.

I cheered on the Boston Terrier little Zim as he made his way across the "balance beam", after "screwing up" his "routine" twice.

I laughed when all the puppies congregated in the "pool" and then after three minutes of romping around all five decided they were thirsty and started to drink straight from the pool.

I laughed again when in the "soccer" match a puppy "threw" a ball into the water bowl and the shot cut to the "water bowl cam" (aka a camera positioned under the water bowl pointing up through the water)and caught the puppy sticking his paw tentatively into the water, circling the bowl, pushing his nose in, trying to figure out how to get the ball back out of the bowl.

I was trasnfixed the way a cat gets transfixed watching birds outside a window. There was no plot. I was just watching puppies do their thing. But I could not take my eyes away. I probably watched this for a solid 45 minutes before I realized that I had to regain control of myself and maybe change the channel to...something with a plot and/or that didn't put me in the same category as a cat looking out a window.

OK. Here...to give you an idea of what I mean check this out (I couldn't find a good clip from the Puppy Games, but here is one from the Puppy Bowl):

You can't explain it, right? I mean at first you're like, "This is the dumbest thing EVER! Could Animal Planet at least TRY and put on something substantial?" And then you're like, "Oh, right...there's puppies. And they're cute. Who cares if there's a plot or any merit whatsoever?"



...If I ever were to run for President I would not only create a 24/7 Law and Order channel BUT ALSO a 24/7 Puppies Playing channel. In fact, who says I have to go through the trouble of running for President myself? I am going to write Mr. Barack Obama a letter.