Cougar (?) ALERT

So, we had a concert at the theatreiworkat today that was sponsored by the local old people home.
As you may imagine, the average age of the attendees was well over 70. Which is saying something. Because although I joke about the theatreiworkat being constantly frequented by old people, this particular event brought out an even MORE ancient set than usual.
Let me say...on a day when there are so many wheelchairs and walkers around that we could turn the theatreiworkat into a medical supply shop is not a day to be short-handed.
And we were.
So instead of being in the box office like normal, I took tickets. I actually really like this job.
Anyway.
I'm taking tickets. I say to this one lady who had to be at least 75, "Enjoy the show."
She says (I swear on my life) in a flirtatious voice, "Well I will if you come sit next to me."
I laugh uncomfortably and then she adds, "You're a little cutie!"

At moments like these I play the "Do they know I'm a girl?" game in my head.

It Never Fails...

Always.
And I mean ALWAYS.
Always on the first day of school, when I am feeling pretty good about myself and excited to be in school and especially so this year seeing as how I'm graduating in a little over three months...
ALWAYS...
Someone says something about my size.
Yesterday, while picking up my U-Pass. I hand the lady my ID and she looks at me and goes, "Well, gosh look how tiny you are!" And then she giggled at me, like I was the funniest/most ridiculous thing she'd seen all day.
Did I miss something?
Was there a sign outside the front gates of college that said "You Must Be This Tall" to enter?
Ok...Look...
I have a sense of humor, ok? I get the joke. I will be the first to admit I look like Harry Potter meets Frodo Baggins meets a Munchkin from Munchkinland.
I will happily joke about my size and take teasing from friends and family.
But I absolutely do not understand the need perfect strangers have to comment upon my size.
I don't walk around saying things like, "Hey Tall-y McGee! What's the weather like up there?"
Or, "Wow, you're enormous!"
Or, "Holy crap! Did you know you're black?!"
Why do people need to tell me I'm small?
Like I don't know! Like I'll suddenly look down and say, "By golly, you're right! I AM awful close to the ground from here."
I guess what makes me a little miffed about the whole thing is that when people comment upon my size it's usual with some sort of "I don't take you so seriously" tone. And not that I'm going to demand to be taken seriously by the lady dolling out U-Passes...but...
*sigh*
I guess...it's part of my charm, right? Right? My charm is...is that I'm little?
I mean, it's pretty hilarious. It's like a big cosmic joke or something because it NEVER FAILS. Sometimes I wonder if these people are being PAID to say these things to me.
Because seriously...I was walking/feeling 10 feet tall yesterday, thinking about my graduation. Thinking about how much that means to me. Thinking about how I almost didn't make it. Thinking everything that happened. And here I was...on the first day of my last semester all set and poised to graduate.
"Well, gosh look how tiny you are!"
Clearly you are blind and dumb because I am mother freakin' taller than god damn Yao Ming right now.

ME (about to stuff your ass (duh)):

The Great ipod Debate

My ipod mini that served me well for almost five years is officially dead.

ipod minis are ancient.
So ancient, they don't make them anymore. (Well, to be fair, I guess their equivalent would now be the nano) BUT my point is...you can no longer walk into a mac store and ask to see their selection of ipod minis. If you do, they will probably laugh at you.

ipod minis...
...before color screens and slim, sleek design...





I'm a person who has a really hard time spending money on things I don't really need*. (*NB: Ice cream doesn't count. Ice cream = need. Duh.) It's rare that some THING catches my eye and I'm like, "holy crap...gotta have." In fact it almost never happens.
But holy mother of mercy am I drooling over this sweet device...

If I decide to get a replacement ipod, I think this would be the one I'd get.
Please, please...
Allow me to rationalize.
a) Getting a huge ipod with a ridiculous amount of storage space is way beyond my needs. I do not have anywhere NEAR 20,000 songs, so why get the ginormous 80GB?
b) The ipod shuffle is stupid. And if it fell into my cereal in the morning I just might accidently eat it.
c) Nanos are great for music and would essentially be comparable to what I had with my mini. BUT if I'm looking to "move on up in the world" as the kids say...
a) ipod touches are wifi equipped. Which means anywhere there's a wifi hotspot. You get internet. This could be pretty awesome for school and could mean I don't have to take my laptop with me everyday.
b) It can hold around 1500 songs which is pretty perfect for me.
c) It has a calendar, which means I could do away with my current paper planner.
I guess what really appeals to me about the ipod touch is that it's more than an mp3 player. It's got internet access, you can upload photo slide shows to it and it has the ability to be a sort of personal organizer. In other words: THIS THING IS FREAKIN' SWEET AND APPEALS STRONGLY TO MY OCD.

...however...
a) In all honestly, I am not certain my "coolness" factor meets with that of the ipod touch. The ipod touch is a sleek, bitchin' piece of technological genius and I...well...I am awkward. (Which is why my bulky mini fit me so perfectly). I mean, I'm not trying to be self-deprecating AT ALL but if I got this thing it would be the most advanced (not to mention fashionable) piece of anything I've ever owned. Period. And I'm not really the type to need or want that kind of stuff. I usually leave that to my brother.
b) I am pretty concerned about its ability to withstand wear and tear. I'm also concerned with it's longevity. I don't want to spend so much money on something that will die in a year.
c)The price tag is pretty hefty. 299 bucks for new 8GB ipod touch. OR I can buy a refurbished (returned items apple fixes/cleans/spruces up/whatevers and then sells at a discounted price) 8GB ipod touch for 199. I have to admit that is more than a little tempting.

I think I'm going to sleep on it for a few days and talk to people and see what they say about their ipods. If you are an ipod owner, let me know your personal ipod poison and what you think of it. If you have any other opinions on the matter or know someone with ipod touch who either:
a) hates it or
b) doesn't know how they lived without it
Please, let me know.

I also just realized my ihome dock is now pretty useless to me. I mean...sure it tells time and has a radio and can still exist as my alarm clock BUT what's the point of an ihome with no ipod??? (More rationalizing) I can no longer make sure I wake up to Justin Timberlake's "Sexyback". How the hell am I supposed to start my last semester as an undergrad without waking up to "Sexyback"?? HOW??!?

Going Back To School, Or: My Post Man Is Going To HATE Me

...cause I ordered books from Amazon to save money.
...and I buy 'em used to save money.
...and they may or may not being coming in like...20 different shipments.
Oops.
Sorry post-man. I will bake you cookies at Christmas. Because you're seriously going to HATE me. I feel a little bad about it.

You want to know something hilarious about buying all my books used on amazon?
I paid like 64 bucks total for all of my books. (Which includes no less than 15 plays and like...5-6 novels). 64 bucks for 20-ish books is nothing. At the bookstore I would have payed well over double.
Now...guess what I paid for shipping? Keep in mind I'm paying for each vendor to ship their used books to me separately...
Ready for it?
62 bucks in shipping. The shipping ended up costing 2 dollars less than the actual books.
Seriously.
Now, I am WELL aware that this borderline totally ridiculous and insane.
BUT it is STILL less than purchasing at the overpriced bookstore, where "used" just means "a dollar off" the already 12 dollar book. Um...no thanks. I will happily pay 99 cents for a book and 4 dollars to ship it. Somehow, in this wild and wacky world THAT saves me money.

Sorry post man. At least none of them are hardcovers...right? And at least I already have my Shakespeare complete works...right?


QUOTE OF THE DAY

I am on the phone with Sara, she is eating cold pizza which she tells me tastes bad. She then says she's going to put in the microwave. I hear her open the microwave door...
SARA: Taste less like crap and more like pizza!

Some Open Letters

Dear Barack Obama,

I thank you, dear sir, for the 3am text message. Had I known that "notifying your supporters via text message before the media" really meant, "I'll just text you at 3am, before you can tell anyone or feel special that you know because no one's going to want to discuss politics at 3am and by the time you get up the media and everyone else will know too" I may not have forked over my email address and cell phone number. Thanks, Barack Obama. No, I would not like to donate anything to your campaign.
I knew your VP pick at 3am. And guess who I got to tell? My giant dogbear. I realize that politics may never sleep, but I do sleep. And I quite like it. I'm sorry, sir, I may be a 22 year old hip lesbian with an interest in politics but I am also a surly old bitty when it comes to unwarranted interference of my sleep. Just ask my brother. And texting me your VP pick at 3am when I'll just wake up at 7:30am and see it all over the news and the internet anyway, is unwarranted interference of my sleep. Good for you, Mr. Obama. Now you have my email address and can inundate my inbox with buttloads of emails that I will promptly delete. You also have my phone number. And not just any phone number but my cell phone number, if you start calling me at 3am...I'll be forced to vote for a write in candidate...probably Harry from Harry and the Hendersons. Why? Because he's classy. And I'm prety sure he doesn't even know what text-messaging is.
I'm sorry Barack Obama. I like you. I really do. It's just that...oh, I don't know. Like, I felt really special when you said you were going to text me and tell me your VP pick. Perhaps the message you were trying to send is that you're the best candidate to answer the phone at 3am and also the best candidate to send text messages at 3am? But look. Barack? There's a reason we have a president. And that's so he or she can answer the phone at 3am while the rest of America sleeps. That's the point of a 3am phone call. You don't want to get it, but BY GOLLY you're the PRESIDENT so you have to do the duty your country voted you to do. Barack? (Can I call you Barack?) I'm not the president. You know what that means? I DON'T have to answer 3am phone calls. Or text messages.

I'm not mad.
I'm just disapppointed.
It's like buying a TV dinner because the photo on the packaging makes it look so delicious and then you put it in your microwave and take it out and are like, "Oh. Right. TV dinner does not equal eating at the Ritz".

Good luck with Biden. At least he thinks you're articulate and clean and nice-looking!

Love,
Amy




Dear Ancient ipod Mini,

We had a good run, friend. I am going to miss you a lot. Mostly, 'cause right now I can't buy another ipod. Since I have to...you know...buy books and stuff. You lasted me almost a whole 5 years! That's a lot for an ipod. And for that I am appreciative. But even yesterday, when I was loading you with all sorts of new tunes, and you decided to make strange internal noises and then just quit...it seemed too soon for goodbye. Maybe the next time I buy a new mac computer, I will get an ipod for free. Right.

Love,
Amy

And Now Presenting: My Weekend With Sara

Who I don't see enough. I mean, really. People who crack each other up as much as we crack each other up really shouldn't be away from each other for such long stretches of time.

I took the Amtrak down to Bloomington Sunday morning. [Side note: trains are awesome. I love them a little bit. I want to take one that goes somewhere over night. For seriously. I mean, I realize sleeping in a sleeper car on a train is WAY less glamorous than it sounds, but to me it sounds like an crazy adventure waiting to happen.] 



While I'm on the train, Sara sends me a text message:
SARA: Hey, did you eat?
ME: Do M&Ms count?
SARA: No! Great. I have a wonderful idea!

So I get to Bloomington and Sara tells me she's taking me somewhere special for breakfast. Where does my friend take me? Uncle Tom's Pancake House.
Seriously.
Only in Bloomington-Normal.
I think it should be called Uncle Tom's Pancake Cabin. Because if you're going to call your establishment Uncle Tom's...you may as well just go the whole nine yards. It was delicious though. Uncle Tom makes some mean flapjacks and bottomless cups of coffee are always appreciated. Especially when you woke up at 5am to catch the 7am train out of Chicago.

After eating breakfast we went back to Sara's super cute apartment. There we caught up a bit, laughed a lot and played some wii. Which, turns out, I SUCK at. Sara kicked my butt at everything from shooting to table tennis to cow racing. Yes. Cow Racing. It was slightly awesome.

After playing wii, we went for a walk by little pond behind her apartment.

I threw rocks in the water because its pretty much the best thing ever, a) It's fun to throw things. b) When rocks hit the water they make what may be one of the best sounds in the world:


Then I had to be an adult and take a picture:


After our walk/throwing rocks in the pond adventure we had to leave for SARA'S SHOW!! Sara was in this show called Pirates of Penzance. It was really funny. There were singing pirates. They had cool swords. I wanted one. Sara was fabulous as always. I think she should always carry around a parasol, mostly 'cause she could smack me with it when I start to annoy her:


We went to dinner with her parents at this place called Luca's. It brought back memories for me. And not good ones. Luca's is the place where I did my most outrageous experimenting in college. Feeling adventurous, my friend and I once decided to try a basket of their "famous" fried chicken livers. They were pretty much disgusting. Anyway, now I have happy memories of Luca's because I ate a delicious pizza and not chicken livers. What was I thinking!??!?
Then we went back to Sara's apartment.
We played some Phase 10.
We watched some of Hook with Sara's roomie, Erin.
Then we may or may not have had a bottle of wine and played Mario Kart. I am glad no pictures from this period of time exist.
Then we crashed.

In the morning, Sara made breakfast. It's been a long time since someone made me breakfast. I felt special.
Cutest ever:


Chocolate milk is always a good choice. Sara had me "pose" for this picture. In the process of posing and picture taking I used way too much syrup. Oh darn.

The she said I looked too distressed in this picture and I had to take another one...

"Look excited."


While breakfasting, Sara made me watch The Sound of Music. Which I had never seen before. When she learned this information I thought she was going to have a heart attack. It wasn't kosher at all. So we had to rectify the situation and I was educated in the ways of Julie Andrews. I also learned that, "When you know the notes to sing, You can sing most anything". And those notes just happen to be: Do, Re, Mi, Fa, So, La, Ti, Do!


Then it was intermission. Seriously, it's a long ass movie:


And what better way to intermiss from The Sound of Music than to head to downtown Bloomington for a spell and do fun things. Like...

Sit at a coffee shop and drink coffee...

Fabulous.



And while sitting at said coffee shop we saw a woman walk by who looked like she stepped out of the Marshall Field's catalog from the 1950s. (Hard to see in this picture, but Sara and I were like..."Is this girl for REAL??)


And then we went shopping. And tried on hats. Duh.




And after shopping we were hungry. So we ate food at this really good bakery, where Sara happens to work:


After lunch, we went back to Sara's. Time for the second half of The Sound of Music! GET EXCITED!!




And then more wii...


Curses. I was better at this last night while drinking wine. I lost. Hard.



And then it came time for me to leave. Here we are at the train station. Sara look fabulous. Me looking ridiculous. To be fair, the sun was in my face.



Back home at Union, waiting for the papa to come get me 'cause my train was late getting in and I didn't catch my train back to Mt. P. Lousy Amtrak! (I still think you're super fun though)

Horror Upon Horrors

So last night, I'm sitting around after work and I realized...

I had gone the entire summer without going to the bookstore.
Um, Amy? Are you still with us? Earth to Amy...GO TO THE BOOKSTORE.

Bookstores are dangerous for me.
I love them.
Yes.
More than I love the Mac Store.
I could literally spend hours upon hours wandering through the aisles.
Aside from paying off school and copious amounts of travel and a pony (duh) a bookstore is where I could and would single-handedly blow my huge jackpot lottery winnings, if I were to ever win them. And then I'd be on one of those shows, about people's lives that are destroyed by winning the lottery and it would cut to me in my giant library a la Beauty and the Beast sailing around the room a moving ladder, my hair mussed, my glasses askew, hopped up on espresso to keep myself awake to read all I can.

Anyway. Last night, I went to the bookstore.
Oh, happy day.

I am a tactile person.
This is me in a bookstore:

Circle a table of books.
Circle again.
Run my hands over the covers.
Pick up a book that looks interesting.
Turn it over.
Put it down.
Pick up another. Look it over. Put it down.
Pick up a book I want to read.
Carry it with me.
Circle another table. Pick up another book I want to read. Carry it with me.
Walk around the store.
Poke at things.
Walk around the store.
Read some kids books.
(Namely, Pigeon Wants A Puppy)
(Get to the ending where pigeon decides he doesn't want a puppy)
(Pigeon Wants A Walrus)
(Get angry that the pigeon doesn't want a puppy)
(Put the book back, muttering under my breath, "Pigeons are dumb.")
Walk around the store some more.
Circle the table of books again.
Pick up a book.
Put it back down.
Walk around the store.
OH
MY
GOD
NOTEBOOKS
I love notebooks I love notebooks I love notebooks
Pick up each one and flip through the pages.
Admire the pretty ones.
Pick up one and almost decided to get it.
It is wide ruled.
Who does that?
Put it back.
More notebooks notebooks notebooks
Spend a large amount of time just looking a notebooks.
Drool a little.
Walk around the store.
Circle table of books.
Find more books I want to read.
Stare at all I have.
Read the first page of each to decide.
Put book A and B back.
Keep book C.
See a book that looks interesting.
Pick it up.
It becomes book D.
Pick up book A again.
?
Pick up book B again.
?
Put back book C.
Put back book B.
A & D are from the buy one get one half off shelf.
Oo. E is also on the buy one get one half off shelf.
?
Put back E.
Settle on A & D.
Go to get in line.
Change my mind.
Feel guilty.
Put back book A and decide to just get book D.
Get in line.
OH
MY
GOD
NOTEBOOKS
NOTEBOOKS IN THE 50% off box.
Get out of line,
Contemplate.
Contemplate.
I have lots of notebooks at home.
But this one is fresh.
Contemplate.
Contemplate.
Force myself.
Force myself.
Walk away.
Back in line.
Stare straight ahead.
No more distractions.


Finally, I get up to the cashier and pay. She goes, "You finally found something you wanted to read, huh?" I was like, "Yeah." She's like, "I saw you circling."
WELL DUH.
CIRCLING IS THE BEST PART OF BOOK BUYING.
I love circling. I love looking through books. I love finding something I didn't expect, taking it home and either finding out it's amazing or that it blows chunks and I can't get past page 3.
I hardly ever go into a bookstore knowing what I want to come out with and the times I do go in knowing what I want to get, I usually come out with something completely different.

I love books.

Major Technical Difficulties

With the webshow.


Doing what I can to salvage.

All hope may be lost.

If not heard from in five days, send Geek Squad.

Over and out.

So I Finally Relented...

...and bought a new battery for my computer, Miss. Watermelon.

In case you were unaware my battery decided to lose its purpose back in March and quit working. Leaving poor old Miss. Watermelon powerless and dead sans her plug-in cord and an outlet. Being stubborn and unwilling to part with 150 bucks, I remained steadfast that Miss. Watermelon would be just fine as pretty much a desktop, constantly plugged into a power source.

However...

Having to shut Miss. Watermelon down and unplug her and plug her back in and reboot just to move locations in my house was getting super old.

Also getting old?

Without a battery the computer has no memory of date/time. This is no problem with an internet connection. With an internet connection, the computer recognizes the date/time and corrects itself. But without the internet or a battery my computer insists that it is December 16th, 1969 at 6:00pm.
Um, computer? Pretty sure you weren't even a glimmer in Steve Jobs's eye at that time.
Anyway, this wouldn't be such a big deal BUT getting the date/time screwed up for whatever reason messes with my applications and makes them misbehave.

BASICALLY , TO GET TO THE CRUX OF THE MATTER...I was in constant need of a) an outlet and b) the internet for my computer to work properly.

As I said, it was getting old. And with my final semester looming on the horizon, I need Miss. Watermelon to be as reliable and powerful as possible.


That said.

Do you have ANY idea how much it SUCKS to walk into a Mac Store...walk past the ipod touches, walk past the iphone, walk past the new laptop models, find someone and say, "Hi. I need a new battery."?
And if that's not enough...then have the guy look on the shelf where they keep the batteries and realize they don't keep the batteries for Miss. Watermelon on the shelf anymore because she is so old? Like...2005 old. And then he has to go in back and pull out a battery from 2005-Might-As-Well-Be-1969??? And then in you see the poster for the special deal wherein buying a brand new laptop gets you a FREE ipod touch? And then in your mind you're like "what if I did?" Because Miss. Watermelon was also made like MONTHS before they started manufacturing ibooks with cameras built into them? And you think it would be really swell to have a webcam? And a brand new shiny computer? And a brand new ipod touch to replace the ipod nano you have from 2004 that you seriously have no idea how is still working??

...and then you remember that there are starving kids in Africa.
...and then you remember that there is nothing wrong with Miss. Watermelon. And she looks at you and says, "I might be old, and I might not have a webcam built into me, and maybe I didn't come with a free ipod, and maybe I'm a little banged up and dirty (that part's pretty much your fault, btw) but I love you. I love you even when my battery is dead. I love you even when you get impatient and can't wait for me to finish shutting down properly before you pull my plug out of the wall. I love you enough to let you put a rotation of lame comics on my desktop. I love you enough to have never sent any of your important papers to the land of no return. I love you even though I have to stare at your ugly face for hours a day. Think about that. Your face. In my face. All the freakin' time. But still, I love you."

And then you feel really bad about yourself (and slightly crazy because your computer just spoke to you (and not only spoke to you but professed it's undying love for you even though you're pretty much a jerk (and right in the middle of a Mac Store no less (and you looked around to see if anyone else heard)))).
And then you decide to quit your bitchin' and moanin' about going to the Mac Store to buy something boring.
And then you decide that Miss. Watermelon might be worth having to buy something a little boring.
And then you decide to maybe donate a buck or two to starving kids in Africa.
And then you decide to stick with Miss. Watermelon and not buy a brand new black ibook with built in webcam.
...(at least 'till the end of undergrad).

Scary Dreams With Giant Snakes AND A Good Way To Kill Time Before Work

So, I violated that "Amy's Not Allowed To Watch Animal Cops" rule I set up for myself. I watched an epidode last night right before going to bed. In this episode, the exotic animal trappers had to get a 10 foot python out of someone's backyard pond.
So what haunted my dreams last night?
If you guessed: 10 foot python with teeth. You would be correct. For whatever reason, in the dream, I was a snake trapper. As I was as afraid of snakes in the dream as I am in real life, I had no idea why Dream Amy thought being a snake trapper would be a smart career choice. Anyway, we trapped the snake who I would not describe as a "Happy Camper" and put it in our truck. Which had no sealed area so it pretty much meant the snake could attack and bite (did I mention this snake had a set of teeth?)(And no, not snake fangs)(Like...teeth)our asses at any moment while driving it back to base. We get it back to base and the lights in the base aren't working (a common occurrence in my dreams, where lights are out and/or I can't see well (can't see well as in Dream Amy doesn't have her glasses on)). Anyway, back at base the snake ESCAPES. Oh, did I mention the base is also my house? So, now the lights are out in my base-house and we have a 10 foot python with teeth loose. A snake infiltrating my place of habitation is pretty much my worst nightmare. And here it was...my nightmare last night. AND since I watched this particular segment of Animal Cops right before going to sleep in the morning I had a really difficult time distinguishing between what I actually saw on TV and what had just happened in my dream.

But enough about snakes. They are ugly and mean and I hate them and frankly, while I'm well aware they serve some sort of ecological purpose, I would not be the least bit sad if they went extinct. They could fall off the face of the earth and I would throw a party.

On to more cute things...

So this morning I had some errands to run before work. Like getting my Q-Tip head cut. So I go get that done. And I've got some time to kill before I need to be at work. Luckily, there is a pet store right next to the hair cut place. The kind of pet store with puppies. The kind of pet store where the tops of cages are open so you can pet:
Hamsters
Guinea Pigs
Ferrets
Bunnies
Birds

AWESOME!

Pet stores always make me a little sad because I want to take everything home (except snakes) and also because the puppies pretty much live in a two by two cage. I was the crazy person walking up and down the cages of puppies, talking to them through the glass, like they could actually understand me. I tried to tell them how cute they were, and how I wished I could take them all home. I mean, if and when the time comes that I could ever have a special pooch of my own I would certainly adopt from a shelter. BUT STILL the cuteness in the store was undeniable. Puppies romping with each other despite their little cages. And if I stopped to have a closer look...they put their little paws on the glass. I couldn't hang around too long because I did have a credit card in my wallet and might have done something really stupid. Now, I am a sucker for a scrappy looking pup and I have to say the Daschund-Poodle mix I saw might be the cutest pooch I've seen in a while. The Chihuahuas were also quite cute. Unlike the other puppies, they just sat there staring through the glass at me as if to say, "What you want? A song and dance? Pssh We dance for no one, lady. You don't want to take us home? Move along muchacha. Make room for the people who can afford us." (Said obviously with a bad Spanish accent).

Besides gaping at all the cute puppies, I also got to pet hamsters, guinea pigs and bunnies.
Additionally, I rough-housed/caused trouble with some baby ferrets. Adult ferrets are pretty nasty, not gonna lie. But the babies? Simply adorable. They had some playful sass going on and I loved it.


Anyway,
In other news...
The webshow IS coming. It may be the first and last episode because David and I are putting ideas together for a webshow we'll do together called "Two Platonic Gays and a Couch". But I will still post the pilot webshow I made. I haven't been staying at my house this past week so I've haven't had a chance to put on the finishing touches. BUT definitely look for it in the next two-three days.

The Puppy Games: Scientifically Proven To Be 10 Times More Entertaining Than The Real Olympics

So I watched the opening ceremonies last night. Parts were pretty cool. Those parts are as follows:
a) Massive amount of light up Fou drums played by massive amounts of Fou drummers? Like, 2000 plus massive amount? Amazing.
b) Perfectly synchronized and choreographed moving cuneiform blocks? Off the hizzy.
c) Thousands of performers doing Tai Chi in unison? Totally awesome.

But 'round about the parade of nations.
...I got a little bored.

So I started channel surfing.

I watched a few minutes of Law and Order, which you can always find, on some channel, at any time of day. I don't know why they just don't buy their own channel and air 24/7 Law and Order all the time. I mean, it's not my favorite show ever but if I'm super bored and need to just veg, it certainly is a great default show.

I watched a little bit of Hustle and Flow on BET, but there's prostitutes in that movie and that makes me feel bad inside, so I changed it.

I watched a little of whatever was on the Discovery Channel. I think it was probably Deadliest Catch, which would explain why it didn't hold my attention.

THEN

I turned on Animal Plant. Now, Animal Planet, being the smart and savvy TV station that it is, knows that it can't really compete with big name networks. And that they definitely can't compete with big name networks when big name networks are airing big name events.
So, Animal Planet, being the smart and savvy TV station that it is simply defaults to puppies.
During the super bowl they aired the "Puppy Bowl".
And during the opening ceremonies they aired "The Puppy Games."
These shows are nothing more than video footage of puppies romping around, rough housing with each other, running around and playing with copious amounts of puppy toys.
And
It
Is
Brilliant

It sounds like it should be so dumb. And the first few minutes of it, I'll admit, I was skeptical and I love puppies. I was like, "Really?? They're half-assedly trying to insert some sort of plot with lame commentary that really has nothing to do with what the puppies are actually doing?? Really?? Really?? Really they've really just thrown several puppies into an enclosure with some soccer balls and called it puppies playing soccer?? Really??? Really this is really just two solid hours of puppies being puppies???"
Yes.
Really.

Five minutes later I was transfixed.

I cheered on the Boston Terrier little Zim as he made his way across the "balance beam", after "screwing up" his "routine" twice.

I laughed when all the puppies congregated in the "pool" and then after three minutes of romping around all five decided they were thirsty and started to drink straight from the pool.

I laughed again when in the "soccer" match a puppy "threw" a ball into the water bowl and the shot cut to the "water bowl cam" (aka a camera positioned under the water bowl pointing up through the water)and caught the puppy sticking his paw tentatively into the water, circling the bowl, pushing his nose in, trying to figure out how to get the ball back out of the bowl.

I was trasnfixed the way a cat gets transfixed watching birds outside a window. There was no plot. I was just watching puppies do their thing. But I could not take my eyes away. I probably watched this for a solid 45 minutes before I realized that I had to regain control of myself and maybe change the channel to...something with a plot and/or that didn't put me in the same category as a cat looking out a window.

OK. Here...to give you an idea of what I mean check this out (I couldn't find a good clip from the Puppy Games, but here is one from the Puppy Bowl):

You can't explain it, right? I mean at first you're like, "This is the dumbest thing EVER! Could Animal Planet at least TRY and put on something substantial?" And then you're like, "Oh, right...there's puppies. And they're cute. Who cares if there's a plot or any merit whatsoever?"



...If I ever were to run for President I would not only create a 24/7 Law and Order channel BUT ALSO a 24/7 Puppies Playing channel. In fact, who says I have to go through the trouble of running for President myself? I am going to write Mr. Barack Obama a letter.

Not That I Ever Lacked Any, But...

I have new found more respect for my mother.

Teaching Kindergardeners is exhausting. It's day three and I feel like I want to pass out. I really only have these kids for a total of four hours everyday.
How did she do it all day?
How did she do it WITH CANCER?!?!

Yikes.

I am battle scarred and bruised. Blue paint all the way up my arm. Black splotches up and down my other arm. Oh. And orange too. And some cream on my elbow. Oh look...more orange. And glitter. Glitter. EVERYWHERE.

Tiring as it is, I'm enjoying it. The kids are pretty damn funny. in the afternoon, there's this little girl playing the tortoise who is so hilarious. We were rehearsing today and I was introducing all the characters...
ME: Once upon a time, in a forest not too far away, there was a tortoise...say hello tortoise.
HER: Hello Tortoise! *Waves*
She said it in complete and total earnest and was not trying to be a smart ass. I busted a gut.

A Profuse Apology. And Several Excuses.

I am so sorry for several things.

a) That the webshow is not posted yet.
b) That I haven't blogged in almost a week.
c) That I still have yet to bringsexyback.


I have no excuses. Well, wait...actually I do. There are as follows:

1. This week I started teaching my very own class at the studio. It is called "Little Thespians". We are doing fun things like making scenery, costumes, props and programs that will culminate with a performance on Friday. We will perform stirring renditions of "Goldilocks and the Three Hares" and "The Tortoise and The Hare." I had my first class yesterday. So far it's going pretty well. My favorite part is putting them through acting exercises and warm ups because its pretty much the most hilarious thing in the world. A group of 5-7 year olds doing "Little Face/Big Face"?? Pretty priceless if you ask me. It is also pretty hilarious that they pretty much copy any and everything I do. Case and point- today I was making random noises/sounds/words while doing accompanying body motions. I had them all following me for solid minute and a half before some little kid piped up and said, "Hey! That's not English!" We also pretend to be animals. Today we were pandas. We sat our asses on the floor and ate bamboo. None of us could stop giggling. Obviously, I can't post pictures of the kids but I will try to take some shots of the scenery they painted and maybe some of their costumes too.

2. I'm currently dog sitting for Mrs. Yueill. This involves staying at her house. Which means I'm not home as much to blog and edit webshows. I will post a picture of her dog soon because she's pretty much the cutest dog ever. Abby (the dog) is pretty much a sweetheart but not too trusting of people outside her immediate family. For whatever reason, she decided she liked me so now I get to take care of her sweet puppy face. I was over there last night and together we watched an episode of "Animals Cops: Miami". I may or may not have cried. If you'd seen the episode with Buddy the brown Dachshund who survived living on a horrible puppy farm and had parasites and was nothing but skin and bone and had an pneumonia and was so sick he could barely hold up his head and had an 80% chance of non-survial, you'd probably cry too. Anyway. Last night we had some serious storms roll through while I was sitting with Abby watching TV. Abby doesn't like storms too much and I don't either. My preferred method of dealing with storms is too ignore them. Abby's was to bark at them. We got through them, though. I was starting to settle in for the evening, turn out the lights, and generally hunker down when round two of storms came through. These bad boys blew out the power. I had a momentary lapse of fear. It is sorta scary being in someone else's house when the power goes out but I'm sure you'll all be happy to know I gained my composure. Good thing too. Because as soon as I curled up on the couch to sleep and Abby came right up on the couch and laid down RIGHT on top of me. So adorable. We stayed like that for a while before she decided she was calm enough to go sleep on her ottoman across from me.

3. I preparing to go back to school. This means I've spent my spare time:
a) Color-coding my planner with my class times (I know, I know, I know...OCD)
b) Trying to find a class to replace that 8:15 photography class I thought was a good idea. While I was very sad to see it go, I don't live in the city anymore and must commute from the 'burbs. An 8:15 class would be a severe setback for my plan to not drive to school.
c) Getting further in debt aka paying for school aka applying for loans.
I must say, if it were up to me I would start school tomorrow. I miss it so much. What's that? You want to know what classes I am taking? I would LOVE to tell you:
-Intro to Theatrical Design. This got lost in the shuffle of transferring/taking what I could when it was offered. Probably should have been in this class freshman or sophomore year. Oops. I like art and drawing but math/measuring/technical drawing ain't my forte. I am a tad apprehensive about this class. Maybe that's why I put it off so long. Oops.
- Movement for the Actor. So excited for this. If I were to say to me, "Amy, what do you move like?" I would say: "An Intoxicated and/or Graceless Squirrel." I am looking forward to removing the "intoxicated" and "graceless" part of my squirrel-ness out my movement and generally just be more conscious of how my body moves, especially in regards to performing.
- Chief American Writers 1865-Present. Yay finding something decent to replace Photography! Yay reading fabulous works of literature!
- Dramatic Literature II. Yay reading plays!
- Poetry Writing. I love poetry. I love writing. This class is going to be so awesome. In FACT I've been meaning to post this:

i carry your heart with me

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

Alas, I cannot take credit for that amazing piece of poetry. It is by one mr ee cummings and reading it makes me swoon. First of all, for its content and second of all for its...I mean I can't explain it! Just read it and you'll know what I mean. Maybe one day I will write poetry like ee cummings (right).