"Number 2 On The Back and Sides. Scissors On Top."

Cracked me up.


In other news...I got my haircut. Which is good. Because when I start to look like a walking Q-Tip I have a hard time existing in the world with grace and poise. Ok, so, I always have a hard time existing in the world with grace and poise but more so when my the goings-on on the top of my head are out of control. So I went and got my haircut yesterday at this place by my school.
Here is what I love about having short hair...
I walk into a shop. I sit down. Stylist says, "How do you like it?"
I say, "Number 2 on the back on sides, scissors on top."
Done and done.
None of this language I don't understand about layers and whatever and hair stuff and what I want done and which way I part and which way I want my sides to slope and should the back be this or that blah blah blah. None of that awkward shit I went through when my hair was longer where stylists were constantly trying to make my hair "more feminine". Seriously. One time I went to a place and the stylist was like, "Oh, well I'll do this, this way to make it look a little more feminine. Because you don't want...well, I just make it look more feminine." And I'm sitting there like, "Ummmm...I don't think you understand."
It's one of the things I find most interesting about, not even being gay but...just looking more boy-ish/androgynous/non-girl-ish (whatever you want to call it). People aren't at all malicious about it, but I've had such weird experiences where people suggest that somehow I don't know how to look like a girl or be a girl and they have to help with that. They have to help me be more like a girl, because that's what I am. They have to help me and/or suggest ways that I can fit in and be how they think I should be. I need to stress that these experiences have been in no way mean or nasty. They're meant totally well and they don't necessarily bother me, I just find them very interesting.
To be more concise: It's hard for people to wrap their brains around the fact that: Hey, I look this way because I want to. This is what's comfortable for me. The way you're suggesting for me to look/be (whatever) feels wrong and uncomfortable to me deep down inside. When I tell people this...that wearing dresses and makeup is totally uncomfortable for me, that I don't want to wear a boost-ee-a (I don't know how to spell that so I just put the sounds there. Sorry. Didn't want to look it up, but you know you love me) because I don't want my boobs to look bigger, in fact I'm sorta totally fine being flat-chested...they're, frankly, shocked. 9 times of 10 if I explain to someone that I haven't worn a dress in years because it makes me uncomfortable on a deeper level than just "this dress itches" they're reaction is, "Reeaaalllly???"
Yes.
Really.
When I try to explain to people by saying, I would be at a loss in the role of Juliet but give my left arm to play Romeo..."Reaallllly???"
Yes.
Really.
I mean let's face, it's mostly 'cause dude gets to SWORD FIGHT on stage, but YES I would rather play Romeo.
It doesn't make me not a girl. It doesn't make me a boy. It doesn't make me anything but me.
This all is a lot to explain. I do and don't feel the need to explain myself. It depends on the situation. And sometimes it's hard to explain because it's still something I'm trying to figure out too, honestly.
Which is why I LOVE how easy it is to say...
"Number 2, scissors on top."
It's sort of glorious.

Anyway. This place I went to (to get my haircut) (which is where this story started) (before it was derailed by my strange thoughts on gender) was a "first time" affair for me. Normally, I just get my butt into a Hair Cuttery, but this week is slightly nuts, so I just needed to get it done and had no time to search God's green earth for a Hair Cuttery. I go in and get a stylist, who is pretty nice. She's doing my hair, cuttin' away...

HER: Is this your natural color?
ME: Yes.
HER: Really?
ME: Yes.
HER: You've never put anything in it?
ME: I had highlights once a long time ago and at one point dyed it red-ish but that was several years ago.
HER: But this is natural now?
ME: Yup.
HER: Wow. You have a great hair color.
ME: Thank you.
HER: It's really nice. Really nice. (As she's inspecting my hair with her comb)
ME: (What I wanted to say) Please don't take my hair.
ME: (What I said) Thanks.

Anyway. Aside from her infatuation with my hair color, this stylist was actually pretty nice. She did a good job, she did it fast, and she was really friendly (see above conversation about my hair color). She asked my name and introduced herself as Gina.
Dear Gina,
You still can't have my hair. No, Gina...I would not like to get my eyebrows threaded today. I know they are as O.C. (outta control) as my hair was when I walked in and I will fix that myself later. Beauty is pain and when it comes to my beauty any necessary pain will be dolled out by me and no one else. So drop your tweezers and dental floss.
Love,
Amy
But P.S. I still think you're nice and might come back and see you again.

Anyway. So it comes time for me to pay, and she goes...
GINA: What do they normally charge you?
Ok. I don't hear well. I'm in a salon with hair dryers and what I think is Indian music playing over the speakers. And Gina has an accent....
ME: Pardon?
GINA: What do they normally charge you...for cut?
ME: (On the inside) Oh Gina, I normally go to Hair Cuttery. Do you really want the answer to this question?
ME: (For real) Like...13 dollars?
GINA: Oh. It will be 18. Is that ok?
ME: (On the inside) Now I feel awkward. Why did you ask? Ahhh!
ME: Oh yeah, that's fine.
INDIAN-MAN (I think)-BEHIND-COUNTER-WHO-I'VE-GATHERED-IS-SHOPS-OWNER: I only charge you 18. For men haircut. Would not be fair to charge you for women's because (he gestures to my head).
(Now, I gathered that Gina was trying to figure out if I get charged for a women's hair cut or a man's. Oh Gina! Don't you know when you go to Hair Cuttery you can get a cut and wash for a mere 13 dollars no matter what you've got between your legs?)
ME: (on the inside) I feel awkward again. Thanks?
ME: (For real) Thanks. I appreciate that.
INDIAN-MAN (I think)-BEHIND-COUNTER-WHO-I'VE-GATHERED-IS-SHOPS-OWNER: Well, is not fair. You get card come in 4 times, have hair cut for 16 dollars.
ME: Sounds great.
(And now the boring business of me paying, tipping, and leaving not knowing quite how I feel about my experience in the shop)

Ahhhh!! I wish the rest of existence were are easy as saying "Number 2 on the back and sides, scissors on top."

"What do they normally charge you for a haircut?"
"They charge me for a number 2 on the back and sides, scissors on top."

"Why don't you like to where a dress?"
"Because number 2 on the back and sides, scissors on top."

"Are you a boy or a girl?"
"I'm a number 2 on the back and sides, scissors on top."

...not that I want to be defined by my chosen hairstyle. "Definition" is the very thing I'm rallying against. And I guess, if you really sit down and think about it hard "definitions" don't exist for anyone. BUT in terms of gender, where the mainstream belief is one or the other it gets a little frustrating to not be able to say, "I'm a number 2 on the back and sides, scissors on the top."