Trying to Write One of Two Final Undergrad Papers At 9:30 on a Saturday Night: A Study

Paper 1:
A literary criticism paper on The Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison. Great book. I recommend it. But I hate being forced to write in such a structural, regimented way. Currently, I'm doing a rough/draft outline that will be filled out over the next few days.

Here is a "sentence" I wrote:
"At the novel’s end, Pecola, with the weight of history on her and the knowledge. She goes crazy. "

Here is how the construction of that sentence went in my brain:
"At the novel's end, Pecola, with the weight of her parental history...no...just history. Don't want to be too wordy...with the weight of history on her...on her?....on her...and the knowledge she will never have blue eyes...but wait...at the end she thinks she has blue eyes...but she's crazy...so...she's just crazy? Ugh. With the weight of history on her and the knowledge...the knowledge...screw this...SHE GOES CRAZY."

Uggghhhh...
Am I done yet? Can I have my degree now PLEASE!!?

And you know what I'm doing right now, right??
Procrastinating. I've got about a page of sentences and fragments constructed like the above delightful piece of insight. I need seven.
And that's just the one paper.

Holy Toledo. I love school. I love learning. But I will NOT miss writing academic papers.

Dear God,
Please send me a paper-writing elf.
Love,
Amy
P.S. If they don't exist you should make them. 'Cause you're God and allowed to do that.


My mind is so out to lunch right now. I know I don't have much left to do, I know I just need to sit my ass down and DO IT and get it DONE so I can be DONE.
But seriously?
Right now my brain is running through fragrant meadows and spinning in circles while humming to itself.

Thankful/Not Thankful: A List

So it's Thanksgiving. A day to give thanks. It seems like a good idea to list the things I'm thankful for. Mostly, 'cause I haven't had to list the things I'm thankful for since like...5th grade. If this were a sheet of paper and not a blog it would probably be accompanied by a hand-trace-turkey with different colored finger feathers...

Ok. So here are the things I am thankful for:

1. In keeping with the traditional sense of thanksgiving I will say that I am thankful I am not dead. And thankful that I do not have smallpox. And that indians have not taken my scalp.

2. I am thankful I am not a pilgrim.

3. I am thankful, oh so thankful, that I am done with school in two weeks. Like, for undergrad good done. I am thankful for my education and I am thankful that I now get to put that education to work. I am thankful for all the opportunities that are before me.

4. I am thankful for A Muppet Christmas Carol. And the fact that the whole thing is on youtube. I am especially thankful for this song in A Muppet Christmas Carol:

It's true where ever you find love it feels like Christmas....

5. I am thankful that I can now listen to Christmas music!

6. I am thankful for the many special people in my life. Friends. Family. Blog Readers. Life is more beautiful with you in it.

7. I am thankful for laughter. All the time. Every day.

8. For Christmas. For lights and trees and decorations. Christmas makes me feel fuzzy and happy and peaceful.

9. I am thankful for Jimmy John's. I am thankful for their tuna sandwich and their jalapeno chips. I am thankful they are two blocks away from work. I am thankful they deliver. Subs so fast you'll freak.

10. I am thankful for Obama. And the hope he's brought to the country.

11. I am thankful for puppies.

12. I am thankful for the small simple moments that make me heart and soul happy. Like seeing an autumn tree lit by sunlight.

13. I am thankful for little kids who insist on calling me, "Jamie".

14. I am thankful for my comfy bed. Inside my warm house. I am thankful for my dogbear, who is my night time snuggle buddy.

15. I am thankful for my brain. And that I don't have to thing about using my lungs or pumping my heart. Thanks, brain! You're pretty swell too, spinal cord, thanks for keepin' brain in touch with the bod!

16. I am thankful for art. Art is like my glasses, I'd be sorta blind without it, bumpin' into crap and squinting my way through life. Theatre. Theatre. Theatre. Writing. Poetry. LORCA. DUENDE. I AM THANKFUL FOR DUENDE. Music. Oh music. Painting. Drawing. Creativity. I am happy these things exist.

17. I am thankful for potential.

18. I am thankful for love. LOVE. Love for life. Love for people. Love. Love. Love. It's why I get out of bed in the morning.


And just so we're clear...

Things I am NOT thankful for:

1. People who are unkind and disrespectful to others.

2. Poorly designed parking garages (seriously) (they make me so mad)

My Life Right Now...

Looks like this:


Things I love about this:
a) Cross-eyed count.
b) That everyone's name is also their occupation. "Count, I'm Police Chief." "I'm Mayor."
c) "You are most beautiful".
d) That there are a copious amount of pies just sitting on tables for no reason at all.
e) That the cops respond to the pie fight like a damn SWAT team.

Remember When Your Mom Made You Clean Your Room?

There's a reason for it.

So...
From the lack of blog-age lately (I've got a couple posts I'm working on, swear) you may think that I've neglected my blog and you.
Not so.
Truth is, two weeks from tomorow I will walk out of my last undergrad class.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Aside from the heinous amount of end-of-semester work this involves, this realization that I will be done with something I've been doing for the last 18 years of my life (until when and if I decide to go to grad school) has left my brain when not distracted by said heinous amounts of work-slightly comatose. Like-I have a heart palpitation every time I realize that December 4th is...like...soon. Ah! There it was again. I may or may not go into cardiac arrest at 4:00 on Thursday December 4th. I should probably take some Bayer for that in advance.
It's kind of crazy when I think all the way back to the beginning of my epic degree journey in the Fall of 2004. Lots of shit can happen in four and a half years and lots of shit DID happen. There were days I didn't think I'd be where I am today. There were days when everything was so hard, I thought getting my degree was pointless. I came pretty close to quitting. More than once.
Thank god for the people around me. 'Cause I would not and could not have done this without them. But I'll save this stuff for the day I ACTUALLY am HOLDING my degree. Because I know damn well something could happen tomorrow and the university could decide I need to take a Home Ec class before they grant me my B.A. I will be angry as hell. But I will bake that cake and diaper that baby until I hold that stupid piece of paper in my hands.

ANYWAY!
All this to say-no, I'm not dead. I'm just busy. I've been piecing together a couple posts that should come up in the next few days.
So, all this to say...
When I get busy...well, my room basically turns into the epicenter my madness.
My room is always a bit mad. I can never seem to keep it organized, but when I'm busy my, what I call "organized disorganization", pretty much implodes.
My room is pretty small. And, as you may imagine, is where I keep all my stuff.
I'd post pictures of the madness in my room now, but really...it's just too embarrassing.
Even for me.
Right now I operate by clearing just enough space on my desk to accomplish the work I need to accomplish.
Papers, books, art supplies, computer accoutrement, pens, pencils are quite literally spilled across my desk and dripping onto the floor. Dripping onto the floor into pools of hazard.
"What sort of hazard, Amy?"
Scale rule hazard.
What's a scale rule?
Well, if you put an extra long Star Wars TIE fighter [which is also applicable because the Imperial March of DOOM plays in my head whenever I have to use a scale rule...or it might just be the sound effect I make as I fly my scale rule TIE fighter through the air] and a ruler in a blender...you'd get a scale rule. It's used for, well, uh figuring out scale. I don't like it very much cause it involves numbers and remembering what side of the ruler to use and what numbers stand for what and how many feet and how many inches and shut the heck up scale rule I'm sick of your sass.
Then scale rule, sitting precariously in a pool of hazard on my floor (along with a metal box that contained X-ACTO knives (yipes) (that coulda been bad) (good thing my odd OCD had kicked in and I had taped it shut with red duct tape because I was worried it would open in my bag) (phew)) tripped me.
Or, I guess you could say I tripped over it.
And lesson of the day is: clean your room. And talk nicely to your scale rule.
Because even though it's made of plastic it still has the power to put a gash in your foot. And then you drip blood on your cream colored rug. And then you feel dumb in movement class when you take off your socks and have a dramatically bandaged foot.

Clean your room kids.
Or, at the very least...if you must litter your room, do so with pillows, teddy bears, and cotton candy.

The Muppets: They Will Cure What Ails Ye

So...Ariana showed me this video the other day and we both watched it over and over and over and cracked up. A lot:

"OH YEEAAAHHHHH....sorry 'bout that." Cracks. Me. UP.

And then I found this:


And then I realized...
I am this crazy orange haired fuzzy green guy.
Like...especially when he runs to the background and is just like, "ba da da da da da da Da bee dee rup bud dah dah"

And then I realized...
Those little pink guys? Probably David. Like the subtext of what they're saying when crazy orange haired fuzzy green guy riffs is, "Ma-goo!"
Or Sara. Those little pink guys could be Sara too. In fact the look the pink guys give the crazy orange haired fuzzy green guy I've seen on Sara's face. More than once.


...and now I'm currently watching/guilty-pleasure addicted to "First Comes Love" on Logo (Big Gay Channel) about couples (gay ones) who want to get married. Most of the time the couples go to Canada...since, you know...it's legal there. But still its super cute. And it's hosted by Elvira Kurt who is hilarious.

Hooray!

Thoughts on the Election

I am elated about our new President elect.
Some of my friends have said that they're finally proud to be an American. And since we all know what the right "gotcha" media will do with that statement, I won't say it.
What I will say?
For the first time in my life I understand what it is to be an American. The American ideals I've read about in history books all my life, the supposed American ideals that this country has always stood for-I finally see in my country, my generation, my new president. It's the first time in my life I feel like I can even say "my president" instead of "the president".
I am so proud of my generation.
I am so proud that America elected a BLACK MAN.
I am so proud Obama proved the impossible.
I am proud that as a nation-not matter you voted for, no matter where you sit in politics-that we cared and showed up to the polls in record numbers.
For the first time in my life I understand what it is to be an American.
This election is an amazing triumph-for America, for the world, for minorities. But mostly for hope and the hopeful who proved to be a big loud collective majority last night instead of the quiet voice in the corner.
Hell.
Yes.
And! AND! AND!!!
There will be puppies.
Like you do much better.
Ok?
Ok.
Look.
I'm not a dummy and Obama ain't Superman.
We got a lot of work to do.
And I'm not elated about the election results because I believe he is the be all end all solution.
I'm not elated about the election results because he's a democrat and is going to rule the country with a liberal agenda.
I'm elated about the election results because I believe he will be the inspiration and instigation for change that will continue for generations.
I'm elated because he's helped people believe in their country, believe in each other, and believe in the power of hope.
That's pretty freakin' awesome.
Will he fix the economy in four years?
Maybe. But probably not.
Will every single American have health care and a job in four years?
I'm not holding my breath.
But he's planted some pretty powerful seeds and now it's up to US as AMERICANS to help them grow. That's probably a lame metaphor. My poetry teacher would underline it and write, "cliche!" but you get my point.


However.
I'm certainly not feeling all peaches and roses at the moment.
Proposition 8 passed in California.
So my elation is mixed with some serious heartbreak.
Proposition 8 will put an AMENDMENT on California's CONSTITUTION that bans same-sex marriage.
Why is this a big deal?
Because California will put an amendment on their constitution LIMITING and DENYING rights. Forget what you think about marriage and the gays...that's SCARY.
It kills me that on some level America (even blue-state California) sees something so wrong with homosexuality that they have to amend their constitutions.
What the hell?!
I'm afraid if I start to write too much on this my post will turn super angry and that's not what I want it to be.
I am angry.
I am hurt.
The election of Obama and defeat of Prop 8 don't belong in the same election for me. My hope for America includes equality for all. My hope for America includes recognition of my love and of my rights-and of all gays, queers, lesbos, dykes, and queens.
Progress comes in baby steps I know: three steps forward and two steps backward. I know. I get it.
But it doesn't make it suck any less to be on the losing side of the progress that's not only close to your heart but a part of your very make-up and who you are.
I have enormous faith and hope in Obama and his presidency. He will do monumental things for this country and abroad and more importantly, he will inspire Americans to do monumental things for this country and abroad. I believe this and am thankful for this. An optimistic dude who believe in ideals and hope is my kind of dude.
And in believing this I guess I ultimately have to trust that the way I am will one day not be seen as less.
I have so much love in my life. I am lucky to be loved by so many wonderful people who would not care if I were purple with a third arm growing out of my forehead. I just cannot wait for the day when the rest of the country will catch up and understand, just as so many people in my life do, I'm just me. And that other gays are just who they are, same as anyone.
I'm not trying to stage a coop or overthrow traditional values or re-write the Bible. What I would like is to exist in the world with the same rights and opportunities as any one else without ever compromising who I am. Is that too much to ask?!

Halloween Photo Contest RESULTS POST

Here are the results for the Halloween Photo Contest:




Congrats, Sara! You are a much more awesome Sara than the the Sarah Palin. Mostly, 'cause you don't like to shoot me.
You shall get a prize! Send me your address and you will get something super awesome. Excited? YOU SHOULD BE.

Thank you to everyone who submitted pictures! I do declare it a mighty fine contest.

A special thank you to Sarah Palin for helping me announce the winner.

Here she is simultaneously hunting and eating Moose. Way to go, you Maverick. Most people like to make sure their meat is dead before they eat it. Then they usually like to cook it. And most of the time...people don't eat antlers. Even if they're just made of bristol board and felt.


...and yeah, I realize I am the most bo-jank Moose in the history of the universe. That's what 20 bucks'll get ya for a Halloween Costume.

Keith Richards aka Moose's Dad would also like to say hello:

Maybe one day your Old Man Band will be as big as the Stones.
Maybe one day I will be a real Moose.