Sarah Palin Brain: The Second

Please.
Reserve your judgement.
I just completed my last week of undergrad classes...

Wednesday night.
I'm driving home.
I notice the road is awful dark in front of me.
Flick my lights.
They go...

BRIGHTS
nothing
everything totally off

Flick my lights again to the one between "brights" and "everything totally off" and try and see based on the reflection off the car in front of me, if my lights are indeed "nothing" or if I'm just imagining things. It's hard to tell.
Flick again...

BRIGHTS
nothing
everything totally off

Finally I pull off to the side of the road and get out and yup...
Both my headlights are dead.
Pull into a service gas station.
They check my bulbs.
Allegedly, they're odd, so they don't stock them and will have to order them. They'll be in by tomorrow.
They tell me to drive home with my brights and come back the next day.
So I do.

Home.
Sleep.
Last day of classes.

Drive to school, using my brights halfway before it's light enough to turn them off.
Get to school.
Go to classes.
Finish.
Can't let the fact I've finished settle in because I have to get my car from Roger's Park to Park Ridge to get my headlights changed then come back to city to have dinner with Meghan and David.
Get in car.
Drive.
Flick lights.

BRIGHTS
nothing
everything totally off

Drive to Park Ridge.
They take my car.
5 minutes go by.
"Um, mam? Your lights are working."
Man takes me to garage, shows me brights (whoa) shows me normal lights that, yes, are indeed working.
He says, "I don't want to charge you for bulbs you don't need and send you on your way because you might have a larger problem."
Me, "Oh."
In my mind I'm going over flicking the lights back and forth in my head and trying to convince myself that they were INDEED really out...
He walks around the back of my car, "But you have two tail-lights out. I sure hope you don't drink, girl. You'll get pulled over."
Me (thinking), "I drive alone. When the hell would I ever notice that I have two tail-lights out, jerk?...Please don't look at my oil sticker and notice that I was due for a change in Novemeber. Also, please don't say anything about the fact that my check-engine light is on."
DISCLAIMER: My check engine light as been on for like...two years. Somewhere, deep inside the Soobs, a sensor is out of whack. Everytime we've had it fixed (like...four) it just pops on again two weeks later. So the long and short is: I don't care that my check engine light is on. I realize the problem this presents when something IS actually wrong with my engine, but it's been this way for two years, so the long and short is: oh well.
He says, "We'll change those for you."
I say, "Thanks."
He says, "So both lights were out yesterday?"
I say *shifty eyes*, "Yeah."
He says, "I think you might have a bigger problem. You may want to take it somewhere and get it checked out. I'm not gonna change your bulbs and charge you but if you hit a bump these things could go out again."
Me thinking, "The bigger problem could well be that I am I am just a dipshit."
Me, "Ok."
He says, "I'll give you my card, so you can have whoever call me and I'll talk to 'em."
Me, "Thanks."
My tail-lights get changed.
He says (to mechanic), "How many blubs?"
Mechanic, "Three"
He says, "Psshh. Tell you what. Give me 10 bucks. Just to keep you honest."
I pay 10 dollars and am sent on my way.
Get in car.
Lights are on.
Look at stick.
Realize I did NOT have my lights properly turned on Wednesday night.
The stick had been flicked/jostled (unbeknownst to me) into "Brights" mode. So that when I turned my lights "on" my brights came up.
This had severely confused my damaged brain and sent me into panic mode.
I swear, I'm much smarter than this.
...but I probably shouldn't tell you about the things I messed up at work Saturday.