Sometimes...

...after a rough week,
with the terror of post-collegiate life setting in,
after being followed Thursday by a creepy old man* (see story below)...
What you need is to go to the mall with your BFF (like you did when you were in high school and thought you were the bee's knees), eat at a place that offers bottomless french fries, and go to the mac store and listen to some tunes via Bose headphones to remember:
it's all ok.
Sometimes, you need to put on said headphones and rock out to the Chili Peppers in front of your BFF, the mac store, god, and everyone. And then realize it's probably a good thing you're not wearing a button down, sunglasses, and whitey tighties because if you were, you would totally be Risky Business-ing in your socks all over the store.
Listening to the Rolling Stones on Bose headphones? For me-it's soothing and relaxing. Like watching/exercising to that Hawaiian yoga chick must be for some (the one with the really soft voice, who's usually in some lush tropical paradise complete with waterfall, and usually says something like, "now simply take your leg and put it around your head....breathhhe...relax...doesn't that feel nice? do the same with your other leg and just...float there...in midair..."). I'm sorry but I will not do that with my legs. But I will certainly turn up the volume on the Stones. Life's just a cocktail party on the streets! Schmacta Schmacta Schmacta.

If you've never heard music on a pair of Bose headphones. Run. Don't walk.
If I ever have an extraneous amount of money just sitting around and think to myself, "gee, I'd really like to blow this wad on something super cool but not at all that vital" I'd take myself to the mac store or best buy and get a pair of these.
Holy smokes. You think you've heard your favorite songs before? Nay, my friend. Nay. In tunes I've heard a million times, I heard nuances I've never heard before. And when they say "noise cancelling" they mean it. I couldn't hear a tootin' thing Meghan said to me while I had these on (and it WASN'T just because I'm deaf).
Run.
And if you have an extraneous amount of money lying around, feel free to buy me a pair.


* Story about the creepy man who followed me:
Preface: Never in my life has a person has ever made me feel scared or threatened. And I've walked city streets late at night. I drive alone in my car late at night. I've been to gay events with people shouting horrible things/harrassing me and people I was with...But never have felt like, "whoa, I could be in some trouble here, I should high tail it outta here."
Okay?
Okay.
Well, there's a first time for everything-
I'm in the suburbs. I'm going to a rehearsal. I decide to get a giant diet coke (necessary) and some french fries before rehearsal. I pull into a McDonalds. This McDonalds is setup in such a way where when you pull in, you can go all the way around for more parking. You can also pull all the way around to get into the drive through line.
OR
When you pull in, if there is not a giant drive through line you can just pull right into the drive through lane.
Should you maybe go all the way around to get into the drive through??
Maybe. But it's certainly not essentially.
I pull into McDonalds with someone in front of me. He starts to go all the way around and stops.
So I just pull right into the drive through lane, wondering why he had stopped and was thus blocking traffic.
He wasn't happy about this. By the time I had pulled up to order he had whipped around the building. He came up behind me and LEANED on his horn. I got up to the window to pay and once again he LEANED on his horn.
I pull out of the McDonalds and am stopped at a light. He is behind me. I look behind me and he's menacingly shaking his head at me.
I turn left.
He turns left.
I turn right.
He turns right.
He is riding my tail down a major street.
At first, I think he's just being a jerk-tailing me because we are going down a major road.
But I get nervous, and instead of taking the easy way to work (major street) I turn left down a side street.
So does he.
I'm not panicking yet, thinking it's maybe just a coincidence.
I turn right again down the street rehearsal is on...
So does he.
He follows me down side/residential streets for five blocks.
I come into the shopping/commercial area where I work and turn on my blinker to park in the garage.
So does he.
At this point, I'm reaching for a piece of paper to get his plate number and the phone to call the cops. I'm not going to get out of my car, I'll just have to drive till I lose him, I figure.
I pull into the garage, look in my rear-view mirror and see him decidedly speed off.
Phew.
I was worried when I came out of rehearsal that my tires would be slashed. For the first time IN MY LIFE I waited for/asked someone to walk me to my car.
Creepy? Right?
Should I have gone ALL THE WAY around to get into the drive through?
Probably.
But, I didn't do it to be an asshole or a jerk. I did it because he was stopped and blocking the way around.
And, seriously dude-if you were so strapped for time you couldn't wait an extra 30 seconds to be behind me and get your food: why the hell did you have time to FOLLOW ME and scare the crap out me?

My advice? Even though I wouldn't call not going all the way around to get into the drive through lane, cheating...don't cheat. Go all the way around.
I'm not a cheater. I've never cheated anything or anyone in my life.
The one time I cut a corner a little bit (at a goddamn McDonald's drive through no less), I get the pants scared off of me.
How the hell do I get myself into these situations?

Dear Man who Followed Me and Scared Me,
If you read this blog (duh, everyone reads this blog), I am sorry you had to wait an extra 30 seconds to get your milkshake. I am sorry I cut you in line. I didn't do it to be mean or be a jerk. I did it 'cause you were blocking my way around. To make it up to you, I will by you a milkshake. On one condition:
Please don't ever follow someone the way you followed me the other day. You probably couldn't tell from your vantage point, but I am not a 16 year old teenage dude out to stick it to the man and old fogies like you. I am a small girl(who mind, you can defend herself). Being a creep is the fastest way to get your eyes burned out by pepper spray. I hope being a creep made you feel better about yourself. Point made. I won't ever cut in the McDonald's drive through line again (even though I didn't REALLY cut). But you win the prize of being the first person to ever make me feel threatened and like I should maybe consider calling the cops. How does that make you feel?
Next time I will get out of the car and kick your ass. Don't let my size deceive you. I'm in the business of defying expectations (and occasionally....gravity)(THEATRE NERD).
Love,
Amy.