Holy Crap Brush Your Teeth (or eat a tic-tac)

So, I'm in this class right?

(And I'm not going to say what class this is or who this blog is about because when you are a blogger you are pretty much famous and there's not telling who reads your blog.)

So I'm in this class and there's this girl who sits next to me in this class. It's pretty obvious from her greasy hair pulled into a pony tail and pajama bottoms that she pretty much rolled out of bed to get to this class. Which, hey...I'm cool with that. I certainly don't shower every morning before I go off to school. I don't want to wake up any earlier than I have to and if I shower the night or afternoon before...then there is no damn way in hell I'm getting up to shower in the morning. So, hey I get that part. I do.

But here's the thing...

I brush my teeth in the morning.

And its damn clear from the radiating wall of stink that emanates forth from this girl's mouth that she, on the other hand, does not brush he teeth in the morning.

And you'd think if your breath were that bad you'd know it and wouldn't want to talk to anyone. But no. Not this girl. Talking to me is her favorite thing to do.
"Hey, Amy, did you do the reading?"
"What did she just say?"
"How did you do on the test?"

Point that gun somewhere else lady!

I can't even stand my own breath in the morning, so I never expect anyone else to.

Ok, I'll admit sometimes I forget to brush my teeth in the rush to get out. BUT THAT'S WHY TIC-TACS WERE INVENTED.

Hook yourself up girl, hook yourself up!! They're not that expensive. And really is any price to much to pay to keep the rest of the class conscious and not passed out from your gaseous breath?

Please, everyone...if you will be in contact with people sometime throughout your day...BRUSH YOUR TEETH in the morning.


Or at least eat a few tic-tacs. Really.

Snow Time = Scary Time

Snow time can sometimes be scary time. Don't believe me? Ok I will try and prove it to you with three words: Pants, Walruses, Plagues. Don't follow? Here's an elaboration on my points:

Point A: I am short. My pants are long. The bottoms of my pants get wet, the wetness travels up my pant leg making for many unpleasant experiences. Also, because of all the salt on the ground, the bottoms of my pants get hard and crusty. Yes, I just said my pants get hard and crusty...and wet. I don't like it very much.

Point B: When you go to a school right on a lake sometimes you worry that the wind will pick you up and dump you in the lake and then the lake will swallow you out to sea and the sea will sweep you to the polar ice caps where you will be adopted by a walrus family and nobody in Chicago will ever hear from you again. Seriously.

Point C: The night before a bad snow/storm can be really scary. You're thinking in your head, "Oh God will school be cancelled tomorrow?? Whatever will happen? Whatever will become of me?" These thoughts are like plagues that attack your mind instead of your firstborn son.


Ok, really though. It can be scary. Here are some things that happened to me:
a) Driving. (Enough said. Scary in this weather)
b) I was crossing the street and because if the way the snow was piled, misjudged where the sidewalk actually was. Instead of step on the sidewalk I stepped onto a small snowbank and got thrown off balance. I wasn't aided by the huge turtle shell (aka backpack) I was carrying and almost faceplanted right into the frozen, snowy ground. As you know though, I have eternal grace and was able to recover from my little miscalculation.
c) The wind was so bad I almost got blown off the train platform onto the tracks. Yeah. It was awesome.

But I'm still alive. (I know you were all worried). Everyone I know is alive. To anyone facing bad weather: stay safe and even if you get blown out to sea and adopted by a walrus I will still love you and remember you.

It Can Be Scary

So it turns out, getting dressed can be pretty scary sometimes.

Today for a sec when I got my shirt on I couldn't see!!! And I was like, "Ahhhh!! I've suddenly gone blind."

Turns out I had just put my hoodie on backwards.

Phew.

I Almost Just Died (In My Blog)

So, whoa...I almost just died. Since I haven't written anything in a while I decided to come on in and write...but the site asked me for my username AND password.

Shit.

I don't remember that crap. That's why I had the site set to "remember me." I totally couldn't remember either my username or password. I thought my bloggin' days were done. Thank god for the idiot button or the "forget your password and your username too?" button. Otherwise I would have died (in my blog). Oh the many trial and tribulations of the bloggin' life. But this is the life I chose. I can't back out now just because it got a little dangerous there for a second.

So, I haven't written in a while. And it would appear I'm pretty much flunking the bloggin' lifestyle. Really, I'll write in here more I promise. I'll be a blogger if it kills me. If it kills me!! I will not allow my blog to die the slow "I-never-update-death" I refuse.

Hence...blogs awaaaaaaay.....








(Is the suspense killing you yet??)








(How about now?)








(Now?)








(Now?)





(Now? Or are you just getting impatient and pissed?)






(Ok, ok...I'll blog now...)


So a lot has happened since I last wrote. Well, actually this happened before my last post but...

I turned 21. Which means I now have total access to three very important things in life:

Booze
Broads (hoochies)
and
Boat Gambling

And let me tell you since getting access to those thing...life has been sweet. Never mind that I've contracted several venereal diseases and have lost all my savings to the penny slots, that's what the booze is for! Duh. It all works out perfectly. It's so wonderful I can't believe I didn't turn 21 sooner. If you haven't turned 21 yet I would highly advise it. Being under 21 is for squares.

So it has been pretty cold in Chicago lately. Also the Bears lost the Super Bowl which means everyone has been wallowing in a whole lot of self pity. Unlike the Cubs run for the World Series a few years back, the Bears and city of Chicago cannot blame a fan for smashing all their dreams. The only person to blame for the loss is Rex Grossman. I'm pretty sure it's his fault it's so cold out too. In fact, Rex Grossman is probably at the root of anything bad that ever happened in Chicago.
Name change of Marshall Field's to Macy's?...Rex Grossman.
Multiple recent CTA de-railments and problems?...Rex Grossman
St. Valentine's day massacre?...Rex Grossman.
Chicago fire?...Rex Grossman. (yeah, I used to think it was Mrs. O'Leary's cow too. Not so. Rex Grossman.)

We should probably exile him to Detroit or something.