THING: Pilot Webshow.
WORD: Coming.
THING:
WORD(s): Ok. I am so excited to see this. Like, even more excited to see this than the movie about the singing chihuahuas. And I'll admit...ok, I may have been a bit premature in my exuberance over the singing chihuahua movie. OK?! I won't force anyone to go see a movie about singing Chihuahas who are secretly some form on ancient warrior with me. But I will demand someone to go see this movie with me. Pretty sure the hamster and the pigeons are my favorite, already.
THING: Last semester of my senior year.
WORD(s): Less than a month away.
THING: John McCain.
WORD: Old.
THING: The Dark Knight.
WORD: Possibly one of the most awesome movies I have ever witnessed.
THING: The Juno Soundtrack
WORD: I finally have it. And I can't stop singing it. All of it. "All I want is you, will you stay with me? Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea (Harmonica Breakdown)" But I especially love this song:
It's sorta beautiful.
THING: Vegetarianism.
WORD(s): So the other day my Dad put hamburgers on the grill for himself and my brother. He put a veggie patty on for me. But he bought this veggie patties that had like...fully visible whole lima beans and corn kernals held together by some sort of spongy mess. He bought some kind called "Dr. So and So's Healthy Veggie Patties." Um, Dad? I appreciate the thought but anything with the title "Dr. So and So's Healthy Whatevers" is probably going to be pretty crappy. Anything. Even Ice Cream. "Dr. So and So's Healthy and Fun Fudge Pops" is pretty much code for "This Food Product Tastes Like Soggy Cardboard". Anyway, my Dad and my brother are making fun of me and my veggie patty.
MY BROTHER: Ew, what the hell is that?
ME: It's a veggie patty!
MR BROTHER: That looks like what you would feed a hamster.
ME: Shut up.
(My Dad is laughing)
MY DAD: Next thing you know she'll be asking for an exercise wheel.
MY BROTHER: And a giant ball to ride to work in.
ME: You guys are jerks.
(I take a bite of the veggie patty.)
(Pause)
MY DAD: (Laughing) How is it, hamster?
ME: It tastes like weeds.
MY DAD: Hm. These burgers are really good.
THING: John McCain.
WORD(s): Still old. In fact, older than he was thirty seconds ago.
THING: "Welcome to the 60s."
WORD(s): Always makes me feel happy.
...that's all for now.
I think...
Look for the first ever webshow to be up in the next few days!
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Hi, Welcome To Amy's Brain, Where Strange Things Are Always Happening, Especially during Sleepy-Time
So.
I have very strange, very vivid dreams. Dreams that I remember very well in the morning.
Strange as they are, they are also very realistic. In my dreams, I am usually never aware that I am "dreaming" or that it is impossible to say...climb Mt. Everest in roller skates underwater (yes, that actually happened in a dream).
In fact, my dreams are so realistic that it often takes me a while to "shake them off" emotionally, or to actually comprehend they did not in fact happen (ie after the Mt. Everest dream I woke up ready to call all my friends and family and tell them I climbed Mt. Everest).
Dreaming in this way means two things:
a) The good dreams are very good. And breed much disappointment when I wake up.
And
b) The bad dreams are very, very bad. And often I will wake up from such dreams and stay awake for 20 minutes so as to not immediately fall back into them. Or force myself to think about ponies for a solid 5 minutes or other happy things as to hopefully dream about those things when I fall back asleep and not...getting shot.
The "in between" ones? Well. They're usually just weird.
Here is one such "in between" dream. It happened this morning:
So in the dream I am at the theatre I work at for a meeting. The meeting is taking place in the theatre, which strangely enough is filled with a ridiculous amount of people. Way more people than actually work there. Like...our 300 seat theatre has suddenly turned sports stadium huge. There is no ceiling. Only the twilight sky, where I can see stars shooting out other stars (Apparently, in the dream, there was a war going on-American and Germany (Yes. Germany.) were taking over the world. This was so in the stars shooting down other stars) (See I told you my dreams were weird) (Actually, I'm pretty sure EVERYONE'S dreams are this weird) (The oddity in my case is that I can actually remember not just my dreams but what the bizarre images actually signify. Like when I wake up it's not, "Man, I was in this weird stadium with lots of people and these stars were shooting other stars. It was trippy man." When I wake up it's like, "Germany and America were taking over the world as signified by the fact that there were stars shooting out other stars.").
ANYWAY.
So I'm at work. In a meeting. We are being lectured about something. There was also something going on with mobsters. Like, I think we were run by mobsters or something and they were having a private meeting with pasta and oranges and sitting in plush chairs a la The Godfather.
So after this meeting, we go to work. At work in the box office, I mistakenly give someone who calls the wrong information about the performer we currently have at the theatre. The costumer than calls me back and proceeds to yell and scream at me for giving them bad information. I am worried about making this mistake not only for losing a sale, but also because we are run by the mob and the ramifications for making a mistake when run by the mob could be...severe.
Suddenly, me and someone I don't remember are looking at this old LP record. Someone's name is on it, and now I can't remember who's name it was. It was no one famous. Just a name. Whoever found it is telling me that the person whose name is on this record actually made and recorded it himself. So we put it on to play and for a solid 5 minutes in my dream, I hear music I'd never heard before. Makes me kinda sad I have no musicianship to actually play what I hear in my dreams, because I actually hear music I've never heard before quite frequently in dreams(is that weird?!??). Anyway, whoever found this record is telling me about how old it is while we listen to it play. This person tells me the record was 30 years old when she found it when she was young in 1954. I see the date "1954" inscribed on the record and in my head start to do the math (very difficult for me) about how old this record actually must be. Suddenly, the song we are listening to stops, I see the needle glide over the record and for a moment there is silence. Whoever I am with says, "there's one more song on here." We wait anxiously for the needle to cross the grooves on the record into the next song, marveling at the ingenuity of this man to make and record his own records. The needle hits the song. And suddenly loud and clear, the Victrola is blasting "Sexyback."
I.
Swear.
...It was my alarm.
Time for me to get up.
I have very strange, very vivid dreams. Dreams that I remember very well in the morning.
Strange as they are, they are also very realistic. In my dreams, I am usually never aware that I am "dreaming" or that it is impossible to say...climb Mt. Everest in roller skates underwater (yes, that actually happened in a dream).
In fact, my dreams are so realistic that it often takes me a while to "shake them off" emotionally, or to actually comprehend they did not in fact happen (ie after the Mt. Everest dream I woke up ready to call all my friends and family and tell them I climbed Mt. Everest).
Dreaming in this way means two things:
a) The good dreams are very good. And breed much disappointment when I wake up.
And
b) The bad dreams are very, very bad. And often I will wake up from such dreams and stay awake for 20 minutes so as to not immediately fall back into them. Or force myself to think about ponies for a solid 5 minutes or other happy things as to hopefully dream about those things when I fall back asleep and not...getting shot.
The "in between" ones? Well. They're usually just weird.
Here is one such "in between" dream. It happened this morning:
So in the dream I am at the theatre I work at for a meeting. The meeting is taking place in the theatre, which strangely enough is filled with a ridiculous amount of people. Way more people than actually work there. Like...our 300 seat theatre has suddenly turned sports stadium huge. There is no ceiling. Only the twilight sky, where I can see stars shooting out other stars (Apparently, in the dream, there was a war going on-American and Germany (Yes. Germany.) were taking over the world. This was so in the stars shooting down other stars) (See I told you my dreams were weird) (Actually, I'm pretty sure EVERYONE'S dreams are this weird) (The oddity in my case is that I can actually remember not just my dreams but what the bizarre images actually signify. Like when I wake up it's not, "Man, I was in this weird stadium with lots of people and these stars were shooting other stars. It was trippy man." When I wake up it's like, "Germany and America were taking over the world as signified by the fact that there were stars shooting out other stars.").
ANYWAY.
So I'm at work. In a meeting. We are being lectured about something. There was also something going on with mobsters. Like, I think we were run by mobsters or something and they were having a private meeting with pasta and oranges and sitting in plush chairs a la The Godfather.
So after this meeting, we go to work. At work in the box office, I mistakenly give someone who calls the wrong information about the performer we currently have at the theatre. The costumer than calls me back and proceeds to yell and scream at me for giving them bad information. I am worried about making this mistake not only for losing a sale, but also because we are run by the mob and the ramifications for making a mistake when run by the mob could be...severe.
Suddenly, me and someone I don't remember are looking at this old LP record. Someone's name is on it, and now I can't remember who's name it was. It was no one famous. Just a name. Whoever found it is telling me that the person whose name is on this record actually made and recorded it himself. So we put it on to play and for a solid 5 minutes in my dream, I hear music I'd never heard before. Makes me kinda sad I have no musicianship to actually play what I hear in my dreams, because I actually hear music I've never heard before quite frequently in dreams(is that weird?!??). Anyway, whoever found this record is telling me about how old it is while we listen to it play. This person tells me the record was 30 years old when she found it when she was young in 1954. I see the date "1954" inscribed on the record and in my head start to do the math (very difficult for me) about how old this record actually must be. Suddenly, the song we are listening to stops, I see the needle glide over the record and for a moment there is silence. Whoever I am with says, "there's one more song on here." We wait anxiously for the needle to cross the grooves on the record into the next song, marveling at the ingenuity of this man to make and record his own records. The needle hits the song. And suddenly loud and clear, the Victrola is blasting "Sexyback."
I.
Swear.
...It was my alarm.
Time for me to get up.
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Blog-o-vations: 2008
This is just a post to say....
I'M WORKING ON SOME SERIOUS BLOG-O-VATIONS!!!
Are you excited?!
I'm excited.
So there may not be new posts for a while, but I'm working on what I hope will be some good stuff.
Here's what I'm hoping to accomplish:
Not that I don't love you ten people who read this blog very dearly BUT I'm thinking it might be cool if I could get more readers/people to tune into Confusing Ideas Since 1986.
Guess what?
You as my loyal "readers" get to be guinea pigs! Don't be sad! Guinea pigs are super cute! Don't believe me? Check it out:
Aw! CUTE! Have I mentioned how cute you all are too??
And you'll be the type of guinea pigs that get fun things tested on them...like ice cream flavors or new kinds of popcorn. You will not be the kind of guinea pigs that endure gross medical testing. At least I sure hope that's not what will happen and if it does, well...that's why we have guinea pigs.
Basically, here's what's going to happen...
I will continue to post up written posts about crazy things that happen in my life.
BUT
In addition, I'm hoping to post a bi-weekly (once every two weeks) web show. I will hopefully be posting up the first of these web shows sometime late this week. Here's where you as the guinea pigs come in...basically, if you want to and feel like it and don't have something better or more productive to do, you will watch the first of these shows and then vote:
a) "Amy, these shizzy is off the hizzy and also, you are hot and have once again broughtsexyback."
b) "Amy, you suck and blogging and at life. Stop. Before you injure a baby. Or a guinea pig."
c) "Amy, I don't think this shizzy is off the hizzy, nor do I think you have broughtsexyback BUT I also don't think you suck at life."
d)"Amy, I like this a lot. But I am uncomfortable saying you've broughtsexyback 'cause I don't think you're sexy. At all. Stick to blogging. Don't ever talk about being sexy again."
e) "Amy, my opinion on the matter may be classified as 'other' if I am feeling generous I may explain myself further, but I may choose to just be mysterious and leave it at 'other'."
I'M WORKING ON SOME SERIOUS BLOG-O-VATIONS!!!
Are you excited?!
I'm excited.
So there may not be new posts for a while, but I'm working on what I hope will be some good stuff.
Here's what I'm hoping to accomplish:
Not that I don't love you ten people who read this blog very dearly BUT I'm thinking it might be cool if I could get more readers/people to tune into Confusing Ideas Since 1986.
Guess what?
You as my loyal "readers" get to be guinea pigs! Don't be sad! Guinea pigs are super cute! Don't believe me? Check it out:
Aw! CUTE! Have I mentioned how cute you all are too??
And you'll be the type of guinea pigs that get fun things tested on them...like ice cream flavors or new kinds of popcorn. You will not be the kind of guinea pigs that endure gross medical testing. At least I sure hope that's not what will happen and if it does, well...that's why we have guinea pigs.
Basically, here's what's going to happen...
I will continue to post up written posts about crazy things that happen in my life.
BUT
In addition, I'm hoping to post a bi-weekly (once every two weeks) web show. I will hopefully be posting up the first of these web shows sometime late this week. Here's where you as the guinea pigs come in...basically, if you want to and feel like it and don't have something better or more productive to do, you will watch the first of these shows and then vote:
a) "Amy, these shizzy is off the hizzy and also, you are hot and have once again broughtsexyback."
b) "Amy, you suck and blogging and at life. Stop. Before you injure a baby. Or a guinea pig."
c) "Amy, I don't think this shizzy is off the hizzy, nor do I think you have broughtsexyback BUT I also don't think you suck at life."
d)"Amy, I like this a lot. But I am uncomfortable saying you've broughtsexyback 'cause I don't think you're sexy. At all. Stick to blogging. Don't ever talk about being sexy again."
e) "Amy, my opinion on the matter may be classified as 'other' if I am feeling generous I may explain myself further, but I may choose to just be mysterious and leave it at 'other'."
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
The Bible-For More Than Just Soul Hygiene
So for pretty much as long as I can remember my family (well, specifically, my mother) has had a tried and true method for filing important documents and papers.
That method?
The Bible.
Over the years, nestled safely in between the words of Jesus and the Laws of Moses, we have kept our social security cards, all of birth certificates, my parent's marriage license and a wealth of other important things.
Observe:
Up until now, the system has worked very well. Mostly, because it's not a book we pull out and read regularly so what better way to keep your important crap in place than by putting it in a book you never use? But I do need to point out that it's also a book that ain't exactly meant to be pulled out regularly:
Generally, books that are substantially larger than your face and heavier than your body are meant to like...sit on a coffee table or something (or in your front hall closet, where you have to be careful taking it off the shelf because if it falls...it will kill you).
Important documents are also well-kept in The Bible (especially from children) because there are scary pictures like this:
Oh yes. This Bible has full color pictures and they scared the crap outta me when I was a kid.
Recently, though, The Bible Filing System failed me. Now, it could very well be that The Bible Filing System is no longer maintained by my mother, and in fact, now ruled by the lack of rule that is my brother and my dad. It could be that I took my birth certificate out for something I don't remember and then forgot to put it back in The Bible Filing System. It could be Jesus got sick of my sass and purposely excommunicated my birth certificate from the sanctuary of his pages. Whatever the case, when I went to The Bible to get my birth certificate...it WASN'T there. I combed through The Bible at least six times. It was not there. Jesus hates me. Great.
My birth certificate is lost. But all is not lost. Thank God for modern technology. You can order anything off the internet. Even your own birth certificate.
I might not have found my birth certificate in the Biblical Filing System...but want to know what I DID find in the magical Biblical Filing System?
Prayer cards.
Prayer cards.
Prayer cards.
Holy (pun intended) crap. PRAYER CARDS!
Now, if you are unfamiliar with the Catholic tradition, basically what happens is...whenever someone dies and you go to their wake or funeral you pick up one of these babies. They have the date of birth and date of death of the person, funeral information and a prayer on the back and...on the front, some tight religious iconography. Catholic kids go crazy for these things. They collect them and trade like Pokemon cards in the parking lots of their Catholic grade schools.
There were probably like 40 prayer cards in there. Like every member of my family that's ever died was in there. And there were a bunch of people I didn't know in there too! Oh! And there was like a mini prayer packet in there for Cardinal George. Weird.
I also found this in magical Biblical Filing System:
A giant aerial picture of my great-grandparents farm. Random.
That method?
The Bible.
Over the years, nestled safely in between the words of Jesus and the Laws of Moses, we have kept our social security cards, all of birth certificates, my parent's marriage license and a wealth of other important things.
Observe:
Up until now, the system has worked very well. Mostly, because it's not a book we pull out and read regularly so what better way to keep your important crap in place than by putting it in a book you never use? But I do need to point out that it's also a book that ain't exactly meant to be pulled out regularly:
Generally, books that are substantially larger than your face and heavier than your body are meant to like...sit on a coffee table or something (or in your front hall closet, where you have to be careful taking it off the shelf because if it falls...it will kill you).
Important documents are also well-kept in The Bible (especially from children) because there are scary pictures like this:
Oh yes. This Bible has full color pictures and they scared the crap outta me when I was a kid.
Recently, though, The Bible Filing System failed me. Now, it could very well be that The Bible Filing System is no longer maintained by my mother, and in fact, now ruled by the lack of rule that is my brother and my dad. It could be that I took my birth certificate out for something I don't remember and then forgot to put it back in The Bible Filing System. It could be Jesus got sick of my sass and purposely excommunicated my birth certificate from the sanctuary of his pages. Whatever the case, when I went to The Bible to get my birth certificate...it WASN'T there. I combed through The Bible at least six times. It was not there. Jesus hates me. Great.
My birth certificate is lost. But all is not lost. Thank God for modern technology. You can order anything off the internet. Even your own birth certificate.
I might not have found my birth certificate in the Biblical Filing System...but want to know what I DID find in the magical Biblical Filing System?
Prayer cards.
Prayer cards.
Prayer cards.
Holy (pun intended) crap. PRAYER CARDS!
Now, if you are unfamiliar with the Catholic tradition, basically what happens is...whenever someone dies and you go to their wake or funeral you pick up one of these babies. They have the date of birth and date of death of the person, funeral information and a prayer on the back and...on the front, some tight religious iconography. Catholic kids go crazy for these things. They collect them and trade like Pokemon cards in the parking lots of their Catholic grade schools.
There were probably like 40 prayer cards in there. Like every member of my family that's ever died was in there. And there were a bunch of people I didn't know in there too! Oh! And there was like a mini prayer packet in there for Cardinal George. Weird.
I also found this in magical Biblical Filing System:
A giant aerial picture of my great-grandparents farm. Random.
Wednesday, July 09, 2008
I Ate Spongebob and I'm Not Sorry About It
Today was a glorious day. Because today I harkened to what might be one of my favorite sounds in the world: the whimsical tune of the ice cream man.
He stopped his truck right in front of my driveway.
This is what I ordered:
It was a deviation from my normal Choco Taco but I was feeling sassy today and what better way to compliment sassiness than with a Spongebob Popsicle?
Heck.
Yes.
Can you feel the sass?? Now, Spongebob Popsicle, we all know you live in a pineapple under the sea...if I could see that in popsicle form...that would be choice. I'm just saying. Who wouldn't want to eat a popsicle shaped like a pineapple? (Plus, pineapple is like the tastiest fruit EVER and its tasty-ness would only be exponentially compounded when put into popsicle form.
And it's just like my grandpa says about Christmas...
Spongebob popsicle come, Spongebob popsicle go. Aww, Spongebob Popsicle...it's too soon for goodbye.
He stopped his truck right in front of my driveway.
This is what I ordered:
It was a deviation from my normal Choco Taco but I was feeling sassy today and what better way to compliment sassiness than with a Spongebob Popsicle?
Heck.
Yes.
Can you feel the sass?? Now, Spongebob Popsicle, we all know you live in a pineapple under the sea...if I could see that in popsicle form...that would be choice. I'm just saying. Who wouldn't want to eat a popsicle shaped like a pineapple? (Plus, pineapple is like the tastiest fruit EVER and its tasty-ness would only be exponentially compounded when put into popsicle form.
And it's just like my grandpa says about Christmas...
Spongebob popsicle come, Spongebob popsicle go. Aww, Spongebob Popsicle...it's too soon for goodbye.
Tuesday, July 01, 2008
NAME THAT BIKE: RESULTS POST
It is time for the NAME THAT BIKE results post.
Are you excited?
I'm excited.
Check it out:
Ok. I know it is definitely not as good as the videos my brother makes. But still...I'm re-learning imovie after not using it since high school. You guys will have to let me know what you think. If you want to see more of this kind of stuff or if it was super lame and you want that 6 minutes of your life back.
I want to say a thank you to everyone who submitted their suggestions.
David-Erik after the saddest donkey ever was a great suggestion. But I like to think of my bike as a trusty steed and not a depressed donkey who should probably be on Zoloft.
Jeff- Maximus 2 is pretty hardcore. But I hesitate to name things after myself. It just weirds me out a little. Especially because this is not a baby. Not that I would name my baby Maximus 2 BUT...I just find it odd. And there's no way that bike could be as hardcore as me. So it probably doesn't deserve the name Maximus.
Carly-I am sorry. I cannot pronounce it or say it easily. Sometimes I is bad at English.
Ariana- I have a friend named Bill. I have no problem naming things after people I think are swell except the thing in question is a bike and bike are things to be ridden and...do you see where I'm going with this?? Umm...ok. Setup: I walk into work, Carly (Bill's girlfriend) is in there. Bill is in there and I walk in and say, "Hey guys, I just rode Bill all the way to work!" Awkward.
Are you excited?
I'm excited.
Check it out:
Ok. I know it is definitely not as good as the videos my brother makes. But still...I'm re-learning imovie after not using it since high school. You guys will have to let me know what you think. If you want to see more of this kind of stuff or if it was super lame and you want that 6 minutes of your life back.
I want to say a thank you to everyone who submitted their suggestions.
David-Erik after the saddest donkey ever was a great suggestion. But I like to think of my bike as a trusty steed and not a depressed donkey who should probably be on Zoloft.
Jeff- Maximus 2 is pretty hardcore. But I hesitate to name things after myself. It just weirds me out a little. Especially because this is not a baby. Not that I would name my baby Maximus 2 BUT...I just find it odd. And there's no way that bike could be as hardcore as me. So it probably doesn't deserve the name Maximus.
Carly-I am sorry. I cannot pronounce it or say it easily. Sometimes I is bad at English.
Ariana- I have a friend named Bill. I have no problem naming things after people I think are swell except the thing in question is a bike and bike are things to be ridden and...do you see where I'm going with this?? Umm...ok. Setup: I walk into work, Carly (Bill's girlfriend) is in there. Bill is in there and I walk in and say, "Hey guys, I just rode Bill all the way to work!" Awkward.
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