The results post is COMING for the NAME THAT BIKE contest. I know I've said that like 100 times. But I'm trying something new this time around. Hopefully it will be spectacular. (But you may not want to hold your breath). It will be posted if not tomorrow, certainly by Wednesday. Get excited.
In the meantime please enjoy...
QUOTES OF THE DAY
At the studio talking with kids.
This happened. Yes. Exactly like this:
EMMA: I had a princess on my birthday cake.
ME: Which princess?
GRACIE (her twin sister): It was just a princess.
ME: So it wasn't Cinderella or something?
EMMA: No, just a princess.
ME: Got it.
GRACIE: And there was a frog next to her!
ME: A frog?!?! Was it a prince????
EMMA: (As if this was the craziest thing she'd ever heard) Nooooo. It was a frog!
ME: But sometimes...frogs can be princes.
GRACIE: Uh-uh.
ME: Uh-huh. Have you ever heard the story about the princess who kisses the frog and it magically turns into a prince??
(Both girls shake their heads no)
ME: Well it's true. I bet that frog was a prince!
MRS. YUEILL: Was the frog wearing a crown? Sometimes thats a clue.
EMMA: Nooooo.
ME: I think it was a prince anyway.
MRS. YUEILL: It happens. Frogs can be princes.
(Both girls look at me and Mrs. Yueill like we're nuts)
EMMA: Darth Vader's real you know.
(I lost it)
EMMA: He is! My parent's saw him and took a picture with him.
I love children and their utter randomness. It makes my heart so so happy.
Later. We are talking about pets. I got an earful about Kaitlyn's guinea pig. And her bird. And her bird that died. And her fish. And then...
KAITLYN: Sometimes my dog makes accidents and then eats them.
I know I shouldn't have but I cracked the heck up.
KAITLYN: It's bad.
ME: Yeah that's bad.
At no point yet had I used any funny voices or "accents" with this particular group of kids. Ben comes up to me so I can help him sponge stars on his little Fourth of July box.
ME: Ok, Ben where should be put this star?
BEN: You talk weird.
ME: How do I talk weird?
BEN: You just do.
ME: Why do you think that? I don't think I talk weird.
*Shrugs*
I put on my helmet to leave work at the Studio.
MRS. YUEILL: Look Kristen, there it is. (She points to my helmet)
ME: Did you tell Kristen about my helmet?
(Kristen works at the studio but has been gone for a while on vacation)
MRS. YUEILL: Yes.
ME: ...were you making fun of me??
MRS. YUEILL: No. Well...yes. Well...I just told her it was very large. And dark colored.
I am at home. In the other room. When suddenly I hear from the living room...
JIMMY: Molly!!!!!...God dammit.
(Pause)
(Pause)
ME: What happened??
JIMMY: God dammit. Molly fucking licked my burger!!
I laughed for no less than five minutes.
I come into the room a few moments later to find he has cut off the portion of the burger she licked. Molly is also at his feet, ear perked, sitting upright waiting for him to drop something.
Monday, June 30, 2008
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Meghan and Amy Doing What They Do Best
...being dorks.
Meghan and me did our little city gallivant the other night. Here are some pictures, stories and videos from our adventure:
King Lear statue outside Meghan's place of employment. Pretty cool, no?
I always end up bein' the camel. I guess you're asking for it when you carry a large blue backpack around:
I am an umbrella NINJA:
We found an awesome fountain by the river. It was cool. You could touch it. But not stand in it. Oops.
My wet foot-prints after wading in the fountain:
"Let's take a picture together in front of the fountain..."
"Ok. Wait, let's take a real picture...."
"Ok. This time...a really real picture..."
"Ok. For serious. A really real real picture..."
"Ok. Let's do a real goofy one..."
"Ok. One more..."
"Let's be cute one more time..."
GIANT fountain that shoots water over the river....
Let's take pictures with it!
CAMEL GIRL! (Hey, but be honest...if you were on Safari...you'd want me with you)
Now, presenting "Amy discovers the 'night' setting on her camera"...
Sans night setting:
With night setting...(please enjoy the following gorgeous pictures)
And Meghan and me played the....
THE SING WHATEVER SONG COMES TO YOUR HEAD GAME (And also dance accordingly)
It all started with us trying to figure out the proper way to do a box step, me randomly singing Gloria Estefan, and us deciding to make up a song called "Hobo Junction"...
ME: I KNOW! Let's play the "Sing Whatever comes to your head game!"
Cue Meghan and I walking along the river singing WHATEVER pops into our heads. I think we were singing "The Circle of Life" (after we had made it through "A Whole New World", "Rock Around The Clock", and "Hobo Junction") when we happened upon a boat...
ME: I'm the king of the world!!!!
(Meghan and I lock eyes and then AT THE EXACT SAME TIME...)
MEGHAN AND ME: Love can touch us one time and last for a lifetime. You have come to show you...go on. NEAAAAARR FAAAAAAAR WHEREEVER YOU ARE!!!!!
Oh yes. I'm sure people thought we were high as flippin' kites. No. Sorry. We're just Amy and Meghan.
We started this at Navy Pier. We finally decided enough was enough (out of breath) when we got to Milennium Park. We probably also danced as we walked. Nobody really paid us too much attention, until I passed a couple standing by the river while singing (mayhaps too loudly)...
ME: Backstreets back, ALRIGHT! Bow bow bow bow bow bow Bow bow bow bow.
The dude whirled around and stared at me. Mayhaps he was about to blarn (makeout) with his girlfriend. And I ruined the moment. Oops.
This happened while we were trying to find the bathrooms:
Proper technique:
Meghan and me did our little city gallivant the other night. Here are some pictures, stories and videos from our adventure:
King Lear statue outside Meghan's place of employment. Pretty cool, no?
I always end up bein' the camel. I guess you're asking for it when you carry a large blue backpack around:
I am an umbrella NINJA:
We found an awesome fountain by the river. It was cool. You could touch it. But not stand in it. Oops.
My wet foot-prints after wading in the fountain:
"Let's take a picture together in front of the fountain..."
"Ok. Wait, let's take a real picture...."
"Ok. This time...a really real picture..."
"Ok. For serious. A really real real picture..."
"Ok. Let's do a real goofy one..."
"Ok. One more..."
"Let's be cute one more time..."
GIANT fountain that shoots water over the river....
Let's take pictures with it!
CAMEL GIRL! (Hey, but be honest...if you were on Safari...you'd want me with you)
Now, presenting "Amy discovers the 'night' setting on her camera"...
Sans night setting:
With night setting...(please enjoy the following gorgeous pictures)
And Meghan and me played the....
THE SING WHATEVER SONG COMES TO YOUR HEAD GAME (And also dance accordingly)
It all started with us trying to figure out the proper way to do a box step, me randomly singing Gloria Estefan, and us deciding to make up a song called "Hobo Junction"...
ME: I KNOW! Let's play the "Sing Whatever comes to your head game!"
Cue Meghan and I walking along the river singing WHATEVER pops into our heads. I think we were singing "The Circle of Life" (after we had made it through "A Whole New World", "Rock Around The Clock", and "Hobo Junction") when we happened upon a boat...
ME: I'm the king of the world!!!!
(Meghan and I lock eyes and then AT THE EXACT SAME TIME...)
MEGHAN AND ME: Love can touch us one time and last for a lifetime. You have come to show you...go on. NEAAAAARR FAAAAAAAR WHEREEVER YOU ARE!!!!!
Oh yes. I'm sure people thought we were high as flippin' kites. No. Sorry. We're just Amy and Meghan.
We started this at Navy Pier. We finally decided enough was enough (out of breath) when we got to Milennium Park. We probably also danced as we walked. Nobody really paid us too much attention, until I passed a couple standing by the river while singing (mayhaps too loudly)...
ME: Backstreets back, ALRIGHT! Bow bow bow bow bow bow Bow bow bow bow.
The dude whirled around and stared at me. Mayhaps he was about to blarn (makeout) with his girlfriend. And I ruined the moment. Oops.
This happened while we were trying to find the bathrooms:
Proper technique:
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Installment the Fifth and Final
I am proud to deliver the fifth and final installment of "Delivering Supplies to Union Soldiers" or "When 10 Year Old Amy Fancied Herself An Important Writer".
In case you've missed any previous installments:
INSTALLMENT 1
INSTALLMENT 2
INSTALLMENT 3
INSTALLMENT 4
Thank you to Carly and Meghan for providing their dramatical services.
And NOW Carly reading part one of part five:
Um. And yes, that would be me SNORTING in the background.
And NOW Meghan reading part two of part five:
(Sorry it's a little hard to see)
And NOW me reading the final part of part five:
(Sorry it's a little hard to see)
Thank you to everyone who did dramatic readings. I hope you all have enjoyed "Delivering Supplies To Union Soldiers" I hope you were able to see something of yourselves in the brave characters of Billy and Jack and learned something about what bravery really is.
Bravery is delivering supplies to Union soldiers when you come from Nashville.
Bravery is using your sweatshirts to gather food when a colony of ants eats your provisions.
Bravery is sneaking onto a train and hiding behind a box when you don't have a ticket.
EPILOGUE:
In case you've missed any previous installments:
INSTALLMENT 1
INSTALLMENT 2
INSTALLMENT 3
INSTALLMENT 4
Thank you to Carly and Meghan for providing their dramatical services.
And NOW Carly reading part one of part five:
Um. And yes, that would be me SNORTING in the background.
And NOW Meghan reading part two of part five:
(Sorry it's a little hard to see)
And NOW me reading the final part of part five:
(Sorry it's a little hard to see)
Thank you to everyone who did dramatic readings. I hope you all have enjoyed "Delivering Supplies To Union Soldiers" I hope you were able to see something of yourselves in the brave characters of Billy and Jack and learned something about what bravery really is.
Bravery is delivering supplies to Union soldiers when you come from Nashville.
Bravery is using your sweatshirts to gather food when a colony of ants eats your provisions.
Bravery is sneaking onto a train and hiding behind a box when you don't have a ticket.
EPILOGUE:
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Installment The Fourth
Here is the fourth installment of "Delivering Supplies To Union Soldiers" or "When 10 Year Old Amy Fancied Herself An Important Writer"
This installment is coming to you, as promised, in dramatic reading form. Kudos to Jeff and Audra (aka Chicken) for their stirring interpretations.
In case you need to catch up here are installments 1-3...
INSTALLMENT 1
INSTALLMENT 2
INSTALLMENT 3
And now may I introduce Jeff who will read for us part one of installment the fourth
And now may I introduce Audra (aka Chicken) who will read for us part two of installment the fourth:
A big thank you to Jeff and Chicken for their dramatic services.
This installment is coming to you, as promised, in dramatic reading form. Kudos to Jeff and Audra (aka Chicken) for their stirring interpretations.
In case you need to catch up here are installments 1-3...
INSTALLMENT 1
INSTALLMENT 2
INSTALLMENT 3
And now may I introduce Jeff who will read for us part one of installment the fourth
And now may I introduce Audra (aka Chicken) who will read for us part two of installment the fourth:
A big thank you to Jeff and Chicken for their dramatic services.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
My Head: Good For Smashing.
Counter where I smashed my head:
Look! My shoes are green! (Label indicating where exactly Maximus hit her head care of Jeff. Thanks, Buddy.)
QUOTES OF THE DAY
*I am printing tickets. Jeff is talking to me. I bend over to get the tickets and absolutely SMASH my head on the counter (see picture) and my head makes a horrible THUD noise. Jeff continues to talk to me than drifts off. He pauses*
JEFF: Was that your head?
*I sit there still stunned and seeing birds. I nod my head haphazardly*
JEFF: Oh. My. God.
*Jeff has to come over and grab my head in his arms and hold it to his bosom to keep my head from swirling*
Later....
JEFF: Man. You face-planted onto the counter.
Later...
JEFF: Hey, face-plant how's it going? That's what I'm going to call you from now on. Face-plant.
Later...
Jeff is standing at the box office window. I am counting my drawer. I am counting pennies.
ME: Sometimes counting is hard.
Jeff proceeds to crack up laughing.
Later...
JEFF: Hey, Amy. Remember this? *Jeff pounds the counter with his fist making a THUD noise*
CONCLUSION OF THE DAY: I NEED TO START WEARING MY BIKE HELMET ALL THE TIME IN EVERYDAY LIFE...
When cooking...
When showering...
Ahh! I'm not decent!
When hanging out with friends...
Aw, Molly I swear, I'm the same Amy I was before; they only difference is I have a large plastic sphere on my head. Don't be afraid! Please? Ever since I started wearing my helmet all the time you're my only hope for someone to love me.
When blogging...
Even when sleeping...
Hopefully Dogbear won't mind that my head is harder than it used to be and grown to five times its normal size. Sorry Dogbear. But you'll have to deal with it. I gotta cuddle something. My helmet isn't quite enough for me to feel totally comfortable and safe.
And especially when...
I feel so irresponsible having drunk before without a protective plastic case on my head.
~~~
Also...
COMING SOON TO A BLOG NEAR YOU...
The NAME THAT BIKE results post is in the works
Also...
Hopefully tomorrow I will post the the fourth installment of "Delivering Supplies to Union Soldiers" or "When 10 Year Old Amy Fancied Herself An Important Writer" in this edition, guest readers Jeff and Chicken read the story aloud with dramatical (yes, dramatical) results. In case you need to catch up, here are the previous installments:
INSTALLMENT 1 (At the bottom of the post)
INSTALLMENT 2
INSTALLMENT 3
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Back in Blog Business
I must apologize for the lack of decent blog-age recently. I have no excuse other than to say I have recently been rediscovering cable after nine months without TV and been busy enough with work lately where all I wish to do is veg out in front of the TV when I get home (12 hour work days tend to do that to me).
...I also may or may not have upgraded my Netflix to Two-At-A-Time-Unlimited.
Diversion of Blog post...
Speaking of that I just watched this absolutely PHENOMENAL German film called Nirgendwo In Afrika (Nowhere in Africa). The trailer is not in English, I couldn't find one with subtitles, sorry, but here it is anyway:
I highly, highly recommend it. It's about a Jewish family that flees to Africa to escape Nazi Germany. The acting is top-notch (especially the little girl). The story is beautiful. AND it has a fabulous fabulous score/music to boot (but I am a sucker for a score with African rhythm and influence (not kidding one of my favorite CDS is my Soweto Gospel Choir CD, it's slightly amazing)). I could write a 40 page essay on this film. It's amazing. If you have any interest whatsoever: watch it.
ANYWAY.
Aside from seeing the occasional amazing film, I find that copious amounts of cable TV in my spare time does not give me as great a sense of fulfillment as blogging in my spare time. So it is thus that I write this post to let you know:
I am back in blog business.
Which means: As soon as I have a work day where I work less than 12 hours, you will see:
-The next installment of "Delivering Supplies To Union Soldiers"
-The results post for the "Name That Bike" Contest
- Some crazy stories about this thing I call my life (and I've got a few stories in my back pocket to share).
But as this post already lacks a fair amount of coherence. I feel I must turn in for the evening. Until we meet again, which will be very very soon (like tomorrow) (or Saturday) please enjoy these:
QUOTE OF THE DAY
(I'm sitting at the desk in the box office. We're trying to seat a children's show, I'm taking phone calls. I got a guy on hold asking a question I don't fully know the answer too. Carly is trying to find David so he can answer the question. A very old woman approaches the window holding a gift certificate. She sees me.)
ME: Hi, can I help you?
(She approaches the window grasping one of our gift certificates. She is walking towards the window with a fair amount of trepidation)
OLD LADY: Boy, you look awfully small. And young.
(What I wish I could have said: Boy, you look awfully old.)
ME: *Insert half-assed laugh here*
OLD LADY: (Mildly condescending) Do you know anything about gift certificates?
(What I wish I could say: No, sorry. I am small and young. And also I don't speak English.)
(At the studio, kids were being very careless with their work, simply rushing through things to paint something else. These conversations happened...)
(There's a little girl painting a tray she wants to put this fairy decals on it, I tell her she has to wait for the paint to dry first before she can put them on)
LITTLE GIRL: So I have to wait for this to dry?
ME: Yup, otherwise those fairies won't stick.
LITTLE GIRL: Can I start something else while I wait?
ME: No mam. You have to be completely done with one project before you start something else. It won't take that long to dry.
*She picks up her tray and starts waving it wildly to make it dry faster*
ME: Uh-uh. No way. Put that down on the table before you smack yourself in the head with it.
LITTLE GIRL: I'm just trying to make it dry faster.
ME: Well, the way to make it dry faster is patience, not waving it around like a lunatic.
(Mrs. Yueill, the head of the Studio comes back to see how the kids are doing)
LITTLE GIRL: She (points to me) says I have to wait for this to dry. And I'm just trying to get it done. But she says I have to wait even though I just want to get it done.
MRS. YUEILL: That's right. It has to be dry otherwise those fairies won't stick on.
LITTLE GIRL: (Ultra smart ass) But no one like to watch things dry.
(This is why Mrs. Yueill and I are awesome working together because without missing a beat...)
MRS. YUEILL: Oh I love to watch things dry, don't you Aim?
ME: Oh yeah. I love watching things dry. Because I know it means I'm taking my time on my project and going to have something that turns out great.
(Mrs. Yueill is helping some Children cut pictures they brought to make really cute memory frames. She is helping Little Girl A, Little Girl B is waiting her turn)
LITTLE GIRL B: Can I just go work on my other project?
MRS. YUEILL: No, just hang out here for right now. I'll get to you in just one second.
LITTLE GIRL B: I don't see why I have to sit here and waste my time when I could be working on my project.
(Oh yes) (We have some straight up sassies in this rotation)
...I also may or may not have upgraded my Netflix to Two-At-A-Time-Unlimited.
Diversion of Blog post...
Speaking of that I just watched this absolutely PHENOMENAL German film called Nirgendwo In Afrika (Nowhere in Africa). The trailer is not in English, I couldn't find one with subtitles, sorry, but here it is anyway:
I highly, highly recommend it. It's about a Jewish family that flees to Africa to escape Nazi Germany. The acting is top-notch (especially the little girl). The story is beautiful. AND it has a fabulous fabulous score/music to boot (but I am a sucker for a score with African rhythm and influence (not kidding one of my favorite CDS is my Soweto Gospel Choir CD, it's slightly amazing)). I could write a 40 page essay on this film. It's amazing. If you have any interest whatsoever: watch it.
ANYWAY.
Aside from seeing the occasional amazing film, I find that copious amounts of cable TV in my spare time does not give me as great a sense of fulfillment as blogging in my spare time. So it is thus that I write this post to let you know:
I am back in blog business.
Which means: As soon as I have a work day where I work less than 12 hours, you will see:
-The next installment of "Delivering Supplies To Union Soldiers"
-The results post for the "Name That Bike" Contest
- Some crazy stories about this thing I call my life (and I've got a few stories in my back pocket to share).
But as this post already lacks a fair amount of coherence. I feel I must turn in for the evening. Until we meet again, which will be very very soon (like tomorrow) (or Saturday) please enjoy these:
QUOTE OF THE DAY
(I'm sitting at the desk in the box office. We're trying to seat a children's show, I'm taking phone calls. I got a guy on hold asking a question I don't fully know the answer too. Carly is trying to find David so he can answer the question. A very old woman approaches the window holding a gift certificate. She sees me.)
ME: Hi, can I help you?
(She approaches the window grasping one of our gift certificates. She is walking towards the window with a fair amount of trepidation)
OLD LADY: Boy, you look awfully small. And young.
(What I wish I could have said: Boy, you look awfully old.)
ME: *Insert half-assed laugh here*
OLD LADY: (Mildly condescending) Do you know anything about gift certificates?
(What I wish I could say: No, sorry. I am small and young. And also I don't speak English.)
(At the studio, kids were being very careless with their work, simply rushing through things to paint something else. These conversations happened...)
(There's a little girl painting a tray she wants to put this fairy decals on it, I tell her she has to wait for the paint to dry first before she can put them on)
LITTLE GIRL: So I have to wait for this to dry?
ME: Yup, otherwise those fairies won't stick.
LITTLE GIRL: Can I start something else while I wait?
ME: No mam. You have to be completely done with one project before you start something else. It won't take that long to dry.
*She picks up her tray and starts waving it wildly to make it dry faster*
ME: Uh-uh. No way. Put that down on the table before you smack yourself in the head with it.
LITTLE GIRL: I'm just trying to make it dry faster.
ME: Well, the way to make it dry faster is patience, not waving it around like a lunatic.
(Mrs. Yueill, the head of the Studio comes back to see how the kids are doing)
LITTLE GIRL: She (points to me) says I have to wait for this to dry. And I'm just trying to get it done. But she says I have to wait even though I just want to get it done.
MRS. YUEILL: That's right. It has to be dry otherwise those fairies won't stick on.
LITTLE GIRL: (Ultra smart ass) But no one like to watch things dry.
(This is why Mrs. Yueill and I are awesome working together because without missing a beat...)
MRS. YUEILL: Oh I love to watch things dry, don't you Aim?
ME: Oh yeah. I love watching things dry. Because I know it means I'm taking my time on my project and going to have something that turns out great.
(Mrs. Yueill is helping some Children cut pictures they brought to make really cute memory frames. She is helping Little Girl A, Little Girl B is waiting her turn)
LITTLE GIRL B: Can I just go work on my other project?
MRS. YUEILL: No, just hang out here for right now. I'll get to you in just one second.
LITTLE GIRL B: I don't see why I have to sit here and waste my time when I could be working on my project.
(Oh yes) (We have some straight up sassies in this rotation)
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Installment Number Tres
Here is the THIRD installment of "Delivering Supplies to Union Soldiers" or "When 10 Year Old Amy Fancied Herself An Important Writer". In case you missed previous installments...
Find the first HERE
And the Second HERE
I'll be making my commentary in italics. I know I said this one would be a dramatic video reading, but I'm working on possible getting some guest celebrities to do some readings so this one will be plain old text:
If you recall when last we left our hereos Jack and Billy they were discussing the all too real possiblity that mayhaps they're father has died in the war.
"The moon slowly came out and the two brothers soon decided to turn in. In the remaining light, Billy unhitched Big Red and tied him to a tree. He made sure the rope was long enough so he could walk around a bit. Billy stored the harness in the corner where Jack had been sitting earlier. That left about one fourth of the wagon for sleeping...not much room. Dear God, these poor poor boys! Only one fourth of a wagon for sleeping?? How will they ever make it?? Meanwhile Jack started a fire and took out a pot to cook supper.
Jack got water from a nearby creek and put it in the pot to boil. He added some fish and spices. Where the hell did they get these fish and spices?? Aren't spices a little much on a wartime supply run? Shouldn't they be boiling and eating their shoes or something? While it cooked both put out their blankets. Billy marked off where they had stopped.
"Did five miles today." Billy said. "Let's go to bed I am as tired as the old hound dog that sits on the constables porch." Oh yes. I am for real. 10 year old Amy does not mess around with her similes, and apparently...neither does Billy. But Jack had already fallen fast asleep.
"Darn fool forgot to say his prayers." Billy sputtered a giggle. "His brains are smaller than the salt that ma puts on potatoes." Ohhh BUUUURRRN. Next time you need a top notch insult. Compare someone's brains to salt that goes on potatoes. You will send your opponent reeling in shame. Before he knew it he drifted off to sleep.
The next morning they awoke to a starting sight. A colony of ant feasting on their food.
"Dag namin'." Billy said frustrated.
"Now what?" Jack asked with a hint of whining in his voice. Billy sat for a moment deep in though.
"Ahh, I know, Ma gave me a book of plants that tell which are edible and which are not edible." Billy said smartly. Right 10 year old Amy, you're already learning how to employ that magical trick as a writer or pulling things straight out of your ass. 'Oh no, I've backed my characters into a corner! Ants ate their food! How do I get them out of this mess?! Ahh...I know...a random book about edible plants. Huzzah. Jack and Billy are saved. On with the narrative!' "I'll just go and get it and we can gather plants that we can eat. We'll have to stay close to the cave though. WHAT FRIGGIN' CAVE?!? He went on. "The Unions will just have to wait one more day, we got five miles done yesterday and with tomorrow bein' Sunday and all I spect' we can get there on Monday." He finally finished. Well, phew.
So the two were off. Forced to use their sweaters as a bag to hold all their gatherings. OHHHH the HUMANITY!!! The were FORCED to use their SWEATERS as BAGS for their GATHERINGS?!? Is their no end to the trials and tribulations of this two young whipper-snappers? By the end of the day their sweaters were stained with berry juice, wet from the dew that had collected on the plants and just plain dirty. Dear God, say it isn't so!! Billy and Jack were dead out tired by the time they got back to the cave. WHAT FRIGGIN' CAVE?? The dark blanket of night had just fallen upon the mountain valley WHAT FRIGGIN' MOUNTAIN VALLEY?? DID I MISS SOMETHING?? and the moon hung high in the sky.
"Those there blankets look like a welcome mat to deamland." Said Jack with a yawn. Billy had already crawled under his blanket. The two were out like a light. Was electricity invented yet? Pretty sure it'd be more accurate to say something like: The two were snuffed out like an oil lamp...or something...
Here we will end for today. Stay tuned for installment four!
Find the first HERE
And the Second HERE
I'll be making my commentary in italics. I know I said this one would be a dramatic video reading, but I'm working on possible getting some guest celebrities to do some readings so this one will be plain old text:
If you recall when last we left our hereos Jack and Billy they were discussing the all too real possiblity that mayhaps they're father has died in the war.
"The moon slowly came out and the two brothers soon decided to turn in. In the remaining light, Billy unhitched Big Red and tied him to a tree. He made sure the rope was long enough so he could walk around a bit. Billy stored the harness in the corner where Jack had been sitting earlier. That left about one fourth of the wagon for sleeping...not much room. Dear God, these poor poor boys! Only one fourth of a wagon for sleeping?? How will they ever make it?? Meanwhile Jack started a fire and took out a pot to cook supper.
Jack got water from a nearby creek and put it in the pot to boil. He added some fish and spices. Where the hell did they get these fish and spices?? Aren't spices a little much on a wartime supply run? Shouldn't they be boiling and eating their shoes or something? While it cooked both put out their blankets. Billy marked off where they had stopped.
"Did five miles today." Billy said. "Let's go to bed I am as tired as the old hound dog that sits on the constables porch." Oh yes. I am for real. 10 year old Amy does not mess around with her similes, and apparently...neither does Billy. But Jack had already fallen fast asleep.
"Darn fool forgot to say his prayers." Billy sputtered a giggle. "His brains are smaller than the salt that ma puts on potatoes." Ohhh BUUUURRRN. Next time you need a top notch insult. Compare someone's brains to salt that goes on potatoes. You will send your opponent reeling in shame. Before he knew it he drifted off to sleep.
The next morning they awoke to a starting sight. A colony of ant feasting on their food.
"Dag namin'." Billy said frustrated.
"Now what?" Jack asked with a hint of whining in his voice. Billy sat for a moment deep in though.
"Ahh, I know, Ma gave me a book of plants that tell which are edible and which are not edible." Billy said smartly. Right 10 year old Amy, you're already learning how to employ that magical trick as a writer or pulling things straight out of your ass. 'Oh no, I've backed my characters into a corner! Ants ate their food! How do I get them out of this mess?! Ahh...I know...a random book about edible plants. Huzzah. Jack and Billy are saved. On with the narrative!' "I'll just go and get it and we can gather plants that we can eat. We'll have to stay close to the cave though. WHAT FRIGGIN' CAVE?!? He went on. "The Unions will just have to wait one more day, we got five miles done yesterday and with tomorrow bein' Sunday and all I spect' we can get there on Monday." He finally finished. Well, phew.
So the two were off. Forced to use their sweaters as a bag to hold all their gatherings. OHHHH the HUMANITY!!! The were FORCED to use their SWEATERS as BAGS for their GATHERINGS?!? Is their no end to the trials and tribulations of this two young whipper-snappers? By the end of the day their sweaters were stained with berry juice, wet from the dew that had collected on the plants and just plain dirty. Dear God, say it isn't so!! Billy and Jack were dead out tired by the time they got back to the cave. WHAT FRIGGIN' CAVE?? The dark blanket of night had just fallen upon the mountain valley WHAT FRIGGIN' MOUNTAIN VALLEY?? DID I MISS SOMETHING?? and the moon hung high in the sky.
"Those there blankets look like a welcome mat to deamland." Said Jack with a yawn. Billy had already crawled under his blanket. The two were out like a light. Was electricity invented yet? Pretty sure it'd be more accurate to say something like: The two were snuffed out like an oil lamp...or something...
Here we will end for today. Stay tuned for installment four!
Friday, June 13, 2008
Oh And Last Night I Held A Baby Bunny
I did.
He was mildly hurt and my Dad found him running around the street, liable to get squashed. He picked him up and put him in my hands.
The poor guy was SO scared, he didn't even try to get out of my hands. He was so small I could cup in my little bitty hands. I put him under some bushes and he was so scared he just sat there for a while with his little legs splayed out. I then gave 'em a nudge and he went into the bushes.
I'm a little worried 'cause I've heard that some mamas don't take babies with human smell back.
...I've decided that while my dad is on vacation I'm going to start a halfway house for injured baby animals.
Some kids throw parties when their parents are away...
...I'm going to rescue baby animals and put them up so he won't be able to say no by the time he gets back. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
He was mildly hurt and my Dad found him running around the street, liable to get squashed. He picked him up and put him in my hands.
The poor guy was SO scared, he didn't even try to get out of my hands. He was so small I could cup in my little bitty hands. I put him under some bushes and he was so scared he just sat there for a while with his little legs splayed out. I then gave 'em a nudge and he went into the bushes.
I'm a little worried 'cause I've heard that some mamas don't take babies with human smell back.
...I've decided that while my dad is on vacation I'm going to start a halfway house for injured baby animals.
Some kids throw parties when their parents are away...
...I'm going to rescue baby animals and put them up so he won't be able to say no by the time he gets back. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
This Was My Morning
5:00am-Wake up.
No, no. I was not supposed to wake up at this time.
5:00am-Wake up. I wake up a lot during the night so I don't think much of it, until I turn over and go back to sleep. Can't. Too hot. Then too cold. Too much covers. Not enough covers. Cuddle with my dogbear. He's annoying with me. Ditch the dogbear. Need him back.
One of those kinds of mornings.
5:30-isham-Give up and get up. For whatever reason I am WIDE awake. I go downstairs to see if my Dad has left yet (gone to Mexico). He has. Left the garage door open with yet-to-be-named-bike (by the way the deadline is tomorrow so have your suggestions suggested) in plain sight. Grumble to self. Close garage door. Garage door can't close. Recycle bin in the way. Move recycle bin. Close garage door. The world is righted. Say hi to Molly (dog) who is looking out the window very confused wondering where my Dad went. Sorry, Molly. He left us for Mexico you're stuck with me. I love you, though I know you don't love me as much as you love him. Deal with it.
Go back upstairs. Contemplate getting back in bed. Not happening.
Turn on computer to check email and play spider solitaire (new addiction) (Thanks, Carly)
One new email.
It's from Netflix. Yes, Netflix, Au Revoir Les Enfants has arrived. I watched it last night. It wasn't that good.
Sorry boutcha.
THEN THEN THEN THEN THEN
THEN!!
My morning was saved!!!
By talking with someone awesome AND puppies.
Said someone awesome shared THIS site with me. Heck yes, it is a website with a daily puppy. This website is how I spent my morning. I just about went into a cuteness coma. A link will be posted in my sidebar as well, so you will always be able to find it if you need it.
Here are my favorites (if you don't care...you don't have to look. But personally, I would like permanent links to this guys and find that bookmarking them may be a little much):
FAVORITE ONE
(I think Roger is my favorite favorite. I want to steal him and cuddle with him and play with him in the park.)
FAVORITE TWO
FAVORITE THREE
FAVORITE FOUR
FAVORITE FIVE
Warning. Your heart is about to be melted in...
5
4
3
2
1
FAVORITE SIX
So this happened all morning.
I'm sorry...but thats just damn fabulous.
After an hour and a half of this I was in a bit of a cheerier dispostion and at 7:15-isham I went back to bed and was able to sleep until 9am. And it was a delightful sleep. YAY! Happy endings!!
Remember to play the name-bike contest! Deadline is TOMORROW and I've only got three suggestions so far. All right...tell you what: you have till MONDAY. That's right. No excuses. Extending the deadline till MONDAY. Three suggestions now...that means out of the 10 people who read this blog seven of you haven't voted. *Hint Hint*
Stay tuned...later tonight I will post the THIRD installment of Delivering Supplies to Union Soldiers. It's only going to get better. And by better I of course mean...worse. I think this installment may have to be a video dramatic reading. There is a possiblity for future celebrity dramatic readings of this story. Stay tuned for more.
No, no. I was not supposed to wake up at this time.
5:00am-Wake up. I wake up a lot during the night so I don't think much of it, until I turn over and go back to sleep. Can't. Too hot. Then too cold. Too much covers. Not enough covers. Cuddle with my dogbear. He's annoying with me. Ditch the dogbear. Need him back.
One of those kinds of mornings.
5:30-isham-Give up and get up. For whatever reason I am WIDE awake. I go downstairs to see if my Dad has left yet (gone to Mexico). He has. Left the garage door open with yet-to-be-named-bike (by the way the deadline is tomorrow so have your suggestions suggested) in plain sight. Grumble to self. Close garage door. Garage door can't close. Recycle bin in the way. Move recycle bin. Close garage door. The world is righted. Say hi to Molly (dog) who is looking out the window very confused wondering where my Dad went. Sorry, Molly. He left us for Mexico you're stuck with me. I love you, though I know you don't love me as much as you love him. Deal with it.
Go back upstairs. Contemplate getting back in bed. Not happening.
Turn on computer to check email and play spider solitaire (new addiction) (Thanks, Carly)
One new email.
It's from Netflix. Yes, Netflix, Au Revoir Les Enfants has arrived. I watched it last night. It wasn't that good.
Sorry boutcha.
THEN THEN THEN THEN THEN
THEN!!
My morning was saved!!!
By talking with someone awesome AND puppies.
Said someone awesome shared THIS site with me. Heck yes, it is a website with a daily puppy. This website is how I spent my morning. I just about went into a cuteness coma. A link will be posted in my sidebar as well, so you will always be able to find it if you need it.
Here are my favorites (if you don't care...you don't have to look. But personally, I would like permanent links to this guys and find that bookmarking them may be a little much):
FAVORITE ONE
(I think Roger is my favorite favorite. I want to steal him and cuddle with him and play with him in the park.)
FAVORITE TWO
FAVORITE THREE
FAVORITE FOUR
FAVORITE FIVE
Warning. Your heart is about to be melted in...
5
4
3
2
1
FAVORITE SIX
So this happened all morning.
I'm sorry...but thats just damn fabulous.
After an hour and a half of this I was in a bit of a cheerier dispostion and at 7:15-isham I went back to bed and was able to sleep until 9am. And it was a delightful sleep. YAY! Happy endings!!
Remember to play the name-bike contest! Deadline is TOMORROW and I've only got three suggestions so far. All right...tell you what: you have till MONDAY. That's right. No excuses. Extending the deadline till MONDAY. Three suggestions now...that means out of the 10 people who read this blog seven of you haven't voted. *Hint Hint*
Stay tuned...later tonight I will post the THIRD installment of Delivering Supplies to Union Soldiers. It's only going to get better. And by better I of course mean...worse. I think this installment may have to be a video dramatic reading. There is a possiblity for future celebrity dramatic readings of this story. Stay tuned for more.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Name That Bike
Ok. So as much as I liked the size and agility of my brother's BMX bike...the comfort factor was pretty horrid. It was pretty much ruining all chances I ever had at bearing children if you catch my drift. Not that I'm in a hurry to become a baby factor, but I'm just saying...that junk down there works and little bro's BMX bike was not too comfortable for my ass or...other extremities.
So...
That's pretty bad ass, right?! The yellow was a little flashy for my tastes. I wanted the red but the red didn't come small enough. Even this guy feels a tad large for my impossibly slight self but riding it doesn't require the sacrifice of my baby-making parts, so for this I am grateful and happy.
Now, on to matter more important matters than a bikes affect on my baby-making parts...
HOLY SMOKES WHAT DO YOU THINK IT SHOULD BE NAMED?!???!!!
It's CONTEST time again, folks!!!
Any name will be considered but YOU have to submit your suggestions. I am putting the awesomeness of my new bike in your hands. It needs an awesome name. Once again, just to remind you...my settings are such that you do NOT need to be a member of blogspot to comment, so ANYONE can. This means YOU. Let's say that you should have your name suggestions suggested by this Saturday the *pause while I count on my fingers* 14th. Sound good? Good. Once again, there will be a results post once a winner is decided.
Yeah, I wasn't kidding when I said that helmet made me look like a huge dork. I think when I wear it people actually give me pity smiles because I look so ridiculous in it. Oh well, I will not be undone by a bike accident that spews my brains onto the pavement. Not on my list of ways I want to die or become a vegetable. And let's be honest my mind is damaged enough. Pretty sure it doesn't need blunt force trauma.
ACTION SHOT!!!!
Best.
Action.
Shot.
Ever.
I will be an action movie star at some point in my life. Hellz yes.
NOTE: Confusing Ideas, as you can see, does recommend ALWAYS wearing your helmet. Whether you're taking to the trails and rough terrain or merely riding up and down your driveway to compose lame action shots...you never know when the pavement will rise up and beat you over the head. Best to always be prepared.
So...
That's pretty bad ass, right?! The yellow was a little flashy for my tastes. I wanted the red but the red didn't come small enough. Even this guy feels a tad large for my impossibly slight self but riding it doesn't require the sacrifice of my baby-making parts, so for this I am grateful and happy.
Now, on to matter more important matters than a bikes affect on my baby-making parts...
HOLY SMOKES WHAT DO YOU THINK IT SHOULD BE NAMED?!???!!!
It's CONTEST time again, folks!!!
Any name will be considered but YOU have to submit your suggestions. I am putting the awesomeness of my new bike in your hands. It needs an awesome name. Once again, just to remind you...my settings are such that you do NOT need to be a member of blogspot to comment, so ANYONE can. This means YOU. Let's say that you should have your name suggestions suggested by this Saturday the *pause while I count on my fingers* 14th. Sound good? Good. Once again, there will be a results post once a winner is decided.
Yeah, I wasn't kidding when I said that helmet made me look like a huge dork. I think when I wear it people actually give me pity smiles because I look so ridiculous in it. Oh well, I will not be undone by a bike accident that spews my brains onto the pavement. Not on my list of ways I want to die or become a vegetable. And let's be honest my mind is damaged enough. Pretty sure it doesn't need blunt force trauma.
ACTION SHOT!!!!
Best.
Action.
Shot.
Ever.
I will be an action movie star at some point in my life. Hellz yes.
NOTE: Confusing Ideas, as you can see, does recommend ALWAYS wearing your helmet. Whether you're taking to the trails and rough terrain or merely riding up and down your driveway to compose lame action shots...you never know when the pavement will rise up and beat you over the head. Best to always be prepared.
Sunday, June 08, 2008
Second Installment
I am very proud to present the second installment of:
DELIVERING SUPPLIES TO UNION SOLDIERS OR WHEN 10 YEAR OLD AMY FANCIED HERSELF AN IMPORTANT WRITER
Part Deux
Read part one if you missed it!
Here
We
Go
Remember I'm adding my commentary in italics.
"I've decided...that y'all can go. But only if yous write to me as soon as y'all get to your Pa's campsite and promise you will be real real care-"
Her words were cut short by Billy and Jack whooping and dancing around.
"ful." Ma finished looking a bit angry.
Ma led the two excited boys to the backyard. The family lived in a nice little town called Nashville. So there's a note at the bottom of this page written in handwriting that reads: "Tennessee...for the North or South?" Heck. Yes. Clearly I hadn't gotten around to checking yet and changing the hometown of my characters to have them live somewhere like, oh...I don't know...Ohio. New York maybe? The Ardens lived in a sturdy red brick house lined with red, yellow and white daisies. Vines overtook the little white picket fence that enclosed their yard. Off in the corner was a barn which stabled their cow, Daisy, their horse Big Rred, two sheep and a goat named Harry. The family also had few chickens running around, but their numbers decreased every so often. The Ardens = non vegetarians, apparently. Ma took out Big Red and hooked him up to the family wagon. She loaded the wagon with food, medicine, blankets, and Ma's homemade sweaters. Plot hole: Where the heck did they get these supplies?? Do they have a store in their basement for situations like this?? Ma gestured the boys onto the old wagon. Ma cleared her throat to speak.
"You pa sent a map. Just follow like it says here. Take you 'bout 2 weeks to get there."
"How far is it?" Asked Billy.
"Down in Dickson." Said ma.
"Dickson?" Complained Jack.
"Hey, y'all were the ones who begged me to do this." Ma pointed out.
"She be right." Billy put in. SHE BE RIGHT??? What was I on when I wrote this dialogue??
"Don't you worry now, we'll be just fine." Said Billy
"Billy, you 'member what I says to ya 'bout driving this here cart." They exchanged their goodbyes and the boys were off. Tears tickled ma's eyes as she watched the cart disappear down the road.
"You promises me you wouldn't get involved in the war...now the whole family's involved." Ma said to Pa even though she knew he couldn't hear. DRAMATIC TENSION! MARTIAL PROBLEMS BETWEEN MA AND PA!! OH NO!
Ma had covered the floor of the wagon with straw, so the boys would be at least a little comfortable. Billy maneuvered the cart, while Jack sat quietly reading Pa's letter. Everything was quiet until Jack spoke up from his corner. "Do y'all think we'll see pa at the campsite?" He said this without looking up from the letter.
"Sure why wouldn't we?"
"Well, ya know he might be..." Replied Jack not even able to finish the sentence.
"Don't even think that." Said Billy and that was the end of that.
~~~
STAY TUNED FOR INSTALLMENT 3!
DELIVERING SUPPLIES TO UNION SOLDIERS OR WHEN 10 YEAR OLD AMY FANCIED HERSELF AN IMPORTANT WRITER
Part Deux
Read part one if you missed it!
Here
We
Go
Remember I'm adding my commentary in italics.
"I've decided...that y'all can go. But only if yous write to me as soon as y'all get to your Pa's campsite and promise you will be real real care-"
Her words were cut short by Billy and Jack whooping and dancing around.
"ful." Ma finished looking a bit angry.
Ma led the two excited boys to the backyard. The family lived in a nice little town called Nashville. So there's a note at the bottom of this page written in handwriting that reads: "Tennessee...for the North or South?" Heck. Yes. Clearly I hadn't gotten around to checking yet and changing the hometown of my characters to have them live somewhere like, oh...I don't know...Ohio. New York maybe? The Ardens lived in a sturdy red brick house lined with red, yellow and white daisies. Vines overtook the little white picket fence that enclosed their yard. Off in the corner was a barn which stabled their cow, Daisy, their horse Big Rred, two sheep and a goat named Harry. The family also had few chickens running around, but their numbers decreased every so often. The Ardens = non vegetarians, apparently. Ma took out Big Red and hooked him up to the family wagon. She loaded the wagon with food, medicine, blankets, and Ma's homemade sweaters. Plot hole: Where the heck did they get these supplies?? Do they have a store in their basement for situations like this?? Ma gestured the boys onto the old wagon. Ma cleared her throat to speak.
"You pa sent a map. Just follow like it says here. Take you 'bout 2 weeks to get there."
"How far is it?" Asked Billy.
"Down in Dickson." Said ma.
"Dickson?" Complained Jack.
"Hey, y'all were the ones who begged me to do this." Ma pointed out.
"She be right." Billy put in. SHE BE RIGHT??? What was I on when I wrote this dialogue??
"Don't you worry now, we'll be just fine." Said Billy
"Billy, you 'member what I says to ya 'bout driving this here cart." They exchanged their goodbyes and the boys were off. Tears tickled ma's eyes as she watched the cart disappear down the road.
"You promises me you wouldn't get involved in the war...now the whole family's involved." Ma said to Pa even though she knew he couldn't hear. DRAMATIC TENSION! MARTIAL PROBLEMS BETWEEN MA AND PA!! OH NO!
Ma had covered the floor of the wagon with straw, so the boys would be at least a little comfortable. Billy maneuvered the cart, while Jack sat quietly reading Pa's letter. Everything was quiet until Jack spoke up from his corner. "Do y'all think we'll see pa at the campsite?" He said this without looking up from the letter.
"Sure why wouldn't we?"
"Well, ya know he might be..." Replied Jack not even able to finish the sentence.
"Don't even think that." Said Billy and that was the end of that.
~~~
STAY TUNED FOR INSTALLMENT 3!
Saturday, June 07, 2008
Little Baby Bird
Well, this is only the second time I've biked to work and ALREADY I have a story. Good thing I made, "biking" a tag, huh?
This is a sad story, I should warn you.
So I'm biking today and I get maybe a block away from my house and this truck passes me on my left. I look up ahead and I see a bird in the middle of the road, just sitting there as birds often do. Except when the truck gets closer, I don't see the bird fly away. The truck just passes right over the bird (not smashing it) and keeps going. As I get closer, I realize the bird has not moved. I pass it, and it does not move as I approach either.
I turn around.
Pass it again. It's alive and "moving" but does not move out of my way of fly away even though I'm really close to it.
It's a baby. (It had feathers)
I put down my bike and approach it.
I can hear two other birds (Robins) going INSANE over my head.
The little bird does not attempt to get away from me as I approach it. It only does what I will call "bearing its teeth at me" meaning he opened his beak wide and lunged at me a bit.
I know at the very least, I have to get this guy out of the street. I contemplate taking him back to my house, but don't want to move him far away from his mother who is clearly the bird going insane over my head. SO I decide I'll put him under a tree off the side of the road.
I try to pick him up. His little baby beak attempts to bite my hand (sorry baby bird, no dice I could hardly feel it). He gets away from me and starts flapping his wings, which he clearly has not figured out how to work yet. Then I get scared because I'm wondering if I'm doing this bird more harm than good, like worried I'll break his wings or legs trying while he tries to get away from me.
I try to pick him up again, same thing, he falls out of my hands and is now laying in the curb, with his little wings splayed out.
Birds over my head-still going nuts. I was surprised I was not DIVE BOMBED.
I take a deep breath, go in and just grab the little guy, getting a good hold on him. I take him and put him underneath the tree. I wanted to put him in the bushes further off the road, with more cover but at that moment, the garage door to the house I was in front of opened. And I guy stepped out and here I am on his property holding a baby bird.
I put him under the tree, wondering if I should d something else.
And then I got on my bike and left.
Now I feel really really bad.
I mean, I'm just worried about the guy in general. But my house wasn't too far away. I'm sure the mama bird would have followed. I should have taken him home. OR at the very least, I should have found better cover for him and not put him six feet away from the road in plain view of a friggin' cat.
Dammit!
...sometimes I suck at life.
I hope he'll be ok. I mean, I know he won't be. He can't fly, has no way of getting back to a nest and clearly was hurt enough to be in the middle of the street letting trucks drive over him.
Dammit.
I feel so bad now. It was dumb to just put him under a tree...
Sad animals make me real, real sad.
This is a sad story, I should warn you.
So I'm biking today and I get maybe a block away from my house and this truck passes me on my left. I look up ahead and I see a bird in the middle of the road, just sitting there as birds often do. Except when the truck gets closer, I don't see the bird fly away. The truck just passes right over the bird (not smashing it) and keeps going. As I get closer, I realize the bird has not moved. I pass it, and it does not move as I approach either.
I turn around.
Pass it again. It's alive and "moving" but does not move out of my way of fly away even though I'm really close to it.
It's a baby. (It had feathers)
I put down my bike and approach it.
I can hear two other birds (Robins) going INSANE over my head.
The little bird does not attempt to get away from me as I approach it. It only does what I will call "bearing its teeth at me" meaning he opened his beak wide and lunged at me a bit.
I know at the very least, I have to get this guy out of the street. I contemplate taking him back to my house, but don't want to move him far away from his mother who is clearly the bird going insane over my head. SO I decide I'll put him under a tree off the side of the road.
I try to pick him up. His little baby beak attempts to bite my hand (sorry baby bird, no dice I could hardly feel it). He gets away from me and starts flapping his wings, which he clearly has not figured out how to work yet. Then I get scared because I'm wondering if I'm doing this bird more harm than good, like worried I'll break his wings or legs trying while he tries to get away from me.
I try to pick him up again, same thing, he falls out of my hands and is now laying in the curb, with his little wings splayed out.
Birds over my head-still going nuts. I was surprised I was not DIVE BOMBED.
I take a deep breath, go in and just grab the little guy, getting a good hold on him. I take him and put him underneath the tree. I wanted to put him in the bushes further off the road, with more cover but at that moment, the garage door to the house I was in front of opened. And I guy stepped out and here I am on his property holding a baby bird.
I put him under the tree, wondering if I should d something else.
And then I got on my bike and left.
Now I feel really really bad.
I mean, I'm just worried about the guy in general. But my house wasn't too far away. I'm sure the mama bird would have followed. I should have taken him home. OR at the very least, I should have found better cover for him and not put him six feet away from the road in plain view of a friggin' cat.
Dammit!
...sometimes I suck at life.
I hope he'll be ok. I mean, I know he won't be. He can't fly, has no way of getting back to a nest and clearly was hurt enough to be in the middle of the street letting trucks drive over him.
Dammit.
I feel so bad now. It was dumb to just put him under a tree...
Sad animals make me real, real sad.
Friday, June 06, 2008
Installment Number One!
Also...I recently found MORE notebooks of mine from when I was young. These notebooks contain some short stories I wrote when I was young. I will share some of these complete with video in later posts. BUT in the meantime I do want to implement a new Confusing Ideas Since 1986 feature...So I found this story I wrote back when I was young (I was 10 or 11 when I wrote it) called "Delivering Supplies to Union Soldiers". I know. That title has you hooked already, right?? I bet you can't guess what it's about or what happens. I found this fine piece of literature, typed out and everything. It's 9 pages of pure genius, if I do say so myself. What I would like to do, is post a portion of the story in the next couple blog posts. Sort of like a mini blog soap opera. You'll have to tune in or rather...log on to learn the fate of the characters and outcome of the story. Sound good? Good.
It is with great pleasure that I present (presented exactly as written typos, misspellings, malaprops and ALL) part 1 of...
DELIVERING SUPPLIES TO UNION SOLDIERS OR WHEN 10 YEAR OLD AMY FANCIED HERSELF AN IMPORTANT WRITER PART 1
*side note...I will present my own commentary on the piece in italics.
And...ROLL IT....
"Mail's here Mail's here." Billy and Jack Arden shouted as they yanked open the mailbox and looked inside.
"There's just gotta be a letter from pa in here somewhere!" Jack said while throwing the rest of the mail on the ground.
"Are you kiddin' he has been fighting for us Unions in the Civil War for months!"
They both reached in and grabbed the last piece of mail. Billy scanned the return address, it said:
Philip Arden
Camp 4F Charleston, Virginia
52643.00 I have no idea what this number means or is supposed to be. Pretty sure zip codes didn't exist yet.
Billy stood there frozen with amazement. Then he snapped back to reality. Billy and Jack ran back to the house waving the letter high above their heads. When they reached the house Billy tore the letter open, letting the bits of envelope fall to the ground he read aloud: I think it's highly improbable that little Billy would be able to read. Oh well. I ask the audience for a willing suspension of disbelief.
Dear Ma, Jack, and Billy
The war is going like any other. So many men come thinkin' it's a game-most of em learn the hard way. The conditions are very poor. All wes gots to eat round here is stale bread and water. That is why I is sittin here writin to y'all. We need Billy and Jack to deliver supplies to us Unions. Um, ok. I LOVE that I chose to make the Dad sound like a hill billy IN HIS WRITING. Not only does this man speak in stereotypes he WRITES in stereotypes. (The stereotype of course being: people in olden days didn't know how to speak or write too good and ain't not as smart as us people todays). Now, of course when I hear or read letters written from this period I actually know how eloquent and well spoken people at the time were. Well. We all is got our stereotypes that need shattering. My stereotype of "people from the past is dumb" has done been shattered
"Oh can we ma ca we?" Jack cut in.
"I...I...I'll have to think about. Billy keep reading." Ma said trying to change the subject.
We're desperate. Men are not only dyin' of bein' shot but out a sickness too. We need food and medication. I know this is a hard decision, but more men are dying then that need to be dying. I love you all very much.
Sincerly,
Pa
At breakfast the next morning:
"Well may, did y'all think about it?" Jack asked hopefully
"Kep' me up all last night, but yeah I thought bout it." Ma answered?
"Well?" asked Jack while gobbling up this oatmeal and chugging a glass of milk"
~~~~~~
Here is where we will leave the story for today. Are you totally hooked?? Log on next time for the next installment of...
DELIVERING SUPPLIES TO UNION SOLDIERS OR WHEN 10 YEAR OLD AMY FANCIED HERSELF AN IMPORTANT WRITER
It is with great pleasure that I present (presented exactly as written typos, misspellings, malaprops and ALL) part 1 of...
DELIVERING SUPPLIES TO UNION SOLDIERS OR WHEN 10 YEAR OLD AMY FANCIED HERSELF AN IMPORTANT WRITER PART 1
*side note...I will present my own commentary on the piece in italics.
And...ROLL IT....
"Mail's here Mail's here." Billy and Jack Arden shouted as they yanked open the mailbox and looked inside.
"There's just gotta be a letter from pa in here somewhere!" Jack said while throwing the rest of the mail on the ground.
"Are you kiddin' he has been fighting for us Unions in the Civil War for months!"
They both reached in and grabbed the last piece of mail. Billy scanned the return address, it said:
Philip Arden
Camp 4F Charleston, Virginia
52643.00 I have no idea what this number means or is supposed to be. Pretty sure zip codes didn't exist yet.
Billy stood there frozen with amazement. Then he snapped back to reality. Billy and Jack ran back to the house waving the letter high above their heads. When they reached the house Billy tore the letter open, letting the bits of envelope fall to the ground he read aloud: I think it's highly improbable that little Billy would be able to read. Oh well. I ask the audience for a willing suspension of disbelief.
Dear Ma, Jack, and Billy
The war is going like any other. So many men come thinkin' it's a game-most of em learn the hard way. The conditions are very poor. All wes gots to eat round here is stale bread and water. That is why I is sittin here writin to y'all. We need Billy and Jack to deliver supplies to us Unions. Um, ok. I LOVE that I chose to make the Dad sound like a hill billy IN HIS WRITING. Not only does this man speak in stereotypes he WRITES in stereotypes. (The stereotype of course being: people in olden days didn't know how to speak or write too good and ain't not as smart as us people todays). Now, of course when I hear or read letters written from this period I actually know how eloquent and well spoken people at the time were. Well. We all is got our stereotypes that need shattering. My stereotype of "people from the past is dumb" has done been shattered
"Oh can we ma ca we?" Jack cut in.
"I...I...I'll have to think about. Billy keep reading." Ma said trying to change the subject.
We're desperate. Men are not only dyin' of bein' shot but out a sickness too. We need food and medication. I know this is a hard decision, but more men are dying then that need to be dying. I love you all very much.
Sincerly,
Pa
At breakfast the next morning:
"Well may, did y'all think about it?" Jack asked hopefully
"Kep' me up all last night, but yeah I thought bout it." Ma answered?
"Well?" asked Jack while gobbling up this oatmeal and chugging a glass of milk"
~~~~~~
Here is where we will leave the story for today. Are you totally hooked?? Log on next time for the next installment of...
DELIVERING SUPPLIES TO UNION SOLDIERS OR WHEN 10 YEAR OLD AMY FANCIED HERSELF AN IMPORTANT WRITER
Thursday, June 05, 2008
Movie Reviews!
SO I just saw two amazing movies.
The first, was the one I talked about HERE. El Orfanato. I don't think I ever talked about how awesome it was...
It was awesome.
I also just saw this last night:
El Espinazo del Diablo (The Devil's Backbone)
Guillermo del Toro who did Pan's Labrynith (which is amazing if you haven't seen it) produced El Orfanato and directed El Espinazo del Diablo.
Both films are incredible and I highly recommend them if you get a chance to watch them. Both have elements of...well, I hesitate to call them horror because they're not at all what American horror films are like. These movies are less about blood and guts and violence and usually about something much deeper. Really, in the end, these films almost transcend genre and boil down to fantastic story-telling. Both films deal with ghosts and the supernatural-but they're just elements of the story instead of the full blown concept of the movie in general, right? Like...ok...watch The Ring (no, don't watch The Ring it's a dumb, stupid, crappy movie) and you get a movie about some video tape with a dead girl in it that comes out of the TV and...drowns you? Watch these movies and...I don't know...you get something way cooler I think. Ghosts, the supernatural are not the antagonist in either of these films. They're scary at times, yes. There are freaky parts in both that I jumped at BUT you discover as the characters in the film discover that the ghosts are not there to kill you seven days after you watched a video tape with fingers in a box and an upside spinning chair. I feel like both these movies treat ghosts/the supernatural with a great amount of respect and understanding-and I don't mean that from a freaky-deaky like "I believe in ghosts and think they're our friends" sort of point of view I mean it from a plain and simple story-telling point of view. It's kinda boring to watch a movie that's simply evil evil ghost vs. innocent, good people. It's much more interesting when you have enough respect for the story and characters to take a good hard look and blur those lines because nothing is that black and white.
And I'm going to shutup now.
Here's the point: I highly recommend these movies. del Toro is a genius. These movies are amazing.
The first, was the one I talked about HERE. El Orfanato. I don't think I ever talked about how awesome it was...
It was awesome.
I also just saw this last night:
El Espinazo del Diablo (The Devil's Backbone)
Guillermo del Toro who did Pan's Labrynith (which is amazing if you haven't seen it) produced El Orfanato and directed El Espinazo del Diablo.
Both films are incredible and I highly recommend them if you get a chance to watch them. Both have elements of...well, I hesitate to call them horror because they're not at all what American horror films are like. These movies are less about blood and guts and violence and usually about something much deeper. Really, in the end, these films almost transcend genre and boil down to fantastic story-telling. Both films deal with ghosts and the supernatural-but they're just elements of the story instead of the full blown concept of the movie in general, right? Like...ok...watch The Ring (no, don't watch The Ring it's a dumb, stupid, crappy movie) and you get a movie about some video tape with a dead girl in it that comes out of the TV and...drowns you? Watch these movies and...I don't know...you get something way cooler I think. Ghosts, the supernatural are not the antagonist in either of these films. They're scary at times, yes. There are freaky parts in both that I jumped at BUT you discover as the characters in the film discover that the ghosts are not there to kill you seven days after you watched a video tape with fingers in a box and an upside spinning chair. I feel like both these movies treat ghosts/the supernatural with a great amount of respect and understanding-and I don't mean that from a freaky-deaky like "I believe in ghosts and think they're our friends" sort of point of view I mean it from a plain and simple story-telling point of view. It's kinda boring to watch a movie that's simply evil evil ghost vs. innocent, good people. It's much more interesting when you have enough respect for the story and characters to take a good hard look and blur those lines because nothing is that black and white.
And I'm going to shutup now.
Here's the point: I highly recommend these movies. del Toro is a genius. These movies are amazing.
Composed Upon My Arrival To Work After Biking Here
So I biked to work today. I am so proud of myself. It's a little over three miles from my house to the theatre. I wasn't sure how long it would take little-out-of-shape Amy to bike here, so I of course gave myself WAY to much time. It only took me like 20 minutes to bike it! That's not too shabby, right?? I'm kind of excited and empowered about this idea of riding my bike all summer. I've been wanting to get into shape for a while and this might be the way to do it! YAY! My ass is going to be 10 kinds of fine come September. Look out! *Sigh* I've always wanted a nice ass. My dreams are finally coming true. And I won't even have to have surgery to get my nice ass. It will be nice because I'll have worked hard for it. And hard work paying off might be nicer than a nice ass...
As long as we're being shallow and talking about looks and physical features that shouldn't matter I gotta say...I kinda look like a giant dork in my bell helmet. It makes my head exponentially larger and my movements about thirty times more awkward than usual. BUT it does protect my noggin. And my noggin needs all the help it can get. Noggin might be my favorite word ever for head.
Since I have no bike to call my very own, I've decided to use my brother's long-abandoned-been-sitting-in-the-garage-for-four-years bike. Here's the thing: it's a BMX bike. Which means it ain't built for distances and I must say, even though my stubborn self INSISTED I'd be fine and there'd be NO reason for me to purchase a different bike-I might need to look into getting something a bit more built for my purposes of riding to work and not turning flips off vert ramps and breaking my collarbone. I mean...I made it here, it wasn't a bad ride but because it ain't built for distance-it has to be pedaled constantly. Like the word "coast" isn't in this bike's vocabulary. Which has it's upside of being a better work out for me. I guess I don't so much mind the constant pedaling as the lack of it being a comfortable bike to sit on. It just is not made to travel anymore than a few blocks.
So we'll see. I've talked to a couple people here and there on craigslist who are selling their old bikes but nothing's really jumped out at me. Maybe I'll see what kinda deal I can get at Wal-Mart. As much as I LOATHE shopping there and hate the idea that I'll probably get a bike assembled by children in Trejistan for 3 cents a day...second thought...I'll try craigslist again. And re-email this guy who lives near me who was selling his TREK bike for 120 bucks. I'm just a little worried it will be too big for me but who knows? Once I get a permanent bike-whether I end up just sticking with the BMX bike or picking up something else I may have to have a naming contest-so start thinking!
In a related tangent:
I LOVE SUMMER. I love that it is FINALLY warm in Chicago. Sheesh. It took long enough. I don't even care that is is 40 kinds of muggy and hot out today-I love it. It makes me feel like I'm somewhere tropical when it's like this. And when it's muggy out everything sweats-and unlike people when plants and trees sweat it smells lovely and my delusion that I am somewhere tropical is only encouraged.
In another related tangent:
So, in order to combat high fuel costs I am biking to work. Americans great and small are really hurting at the gas pump. There's this part of me thinks it would be kind of sort of AWESOME if people owned horses again and rode them everywhere. After all, if you read the article in my last post people are just dumping them out west. Those horses need love and a home we need to not use oil-EVERYBODY WINS. And I ESPECIALLY win because I've wanted a pony since about the time I had a concept of a pony.
P.S. It is with great pride that I officially make "biking" a tag on this blog. Between the eventual bike naming contest and the fact that I'm me and at some point or another a hilarious story is going to occur while I'm on a bike and the fact that I will probably wipe the heck out at least once this summer-it needed to happen.
As long as we're being shallow and talking about looks and physical features that shouldn't matter I gotta say...I kinda look like a giant dork in my bell helmet. It makes my head exponentially larger and my movements about thirty times more awkward than usual. BUT it does protect my noggin. And my noggin needs all the help it can get. Noggin might be my favorite word ever for head.
Since I have no bike to call my very own, I've decided to use my brother's long-abandoned-been-sitting-in-the-garage-for-four-years bike. Here's the thing: it's a BMX bike. Which means it ain't built for distances and I must say, even though my stubborn self INSISTED I'd be fine and there'd be NO reason for me to purchase a different bike-I might need to look into getting something a bit more built for my purposes of riding to work and not turning flips off vert ramps and breaking my collarbone. I mean...I made it here, it wasn't a bad ride but because it ain't built for distance-it has to be pedaled constantly. Like the word "coast" isn't in this bike's vocabulary. Which has it's upside of being a better work out for me. I guess I don't so much mind the constant pedaling as the lack of it being a comfortable bike to sit on. It just is not made to travel anymore than a few blocks.
So we'll see. I've talked to a couple people here and there on craigslist who are selling their old bikes but nothing's really jumped out at me. Maybe I'll see what kinda deal I can get at Wal-Mart. As much as I LOATHE shopping there and hate the idea that I'll probably get a bike assembled by children in Trejistan for 3 cents a day...second thought...I'll try craigslist again. And re-email this guy who lives near me who was selling his TREK bike for 120 bucks. I'm just a little worried it will be too big for me but who knows? Once I get a permanent bike-whether I end up just sticking with the BMX bike or picking up something else I may have to have a naming contest-so start thinking!
In a related tangent:
I LOVE SUMMER. I love that it is FINALLY warm in Chicago. Sheesh. It took long enough. I don't even care that is is 40 kinds of muggy and hot out today-I love it. It makes me feel like I'm somewhere tropical when it's like this. And when it's muggy out everything sweats-and unlike people when plants and trees sweat it smells lovely and my delusion that I am somewhere tropical is only encouraged.
In another related tangent:
So, in order to combat high fuel costs I am biking to work. Americans great and small are really hurting at the gas pump. There's this part of me thinks it would be kind of sort of AWESOME if people owned horses again and rode them everywhere. After all, if you read the article in my last post people are just dumping them out west. Those horses need love and a home we need to not use oil-EVERYBODY WINS. And I ESPECIALLY win because I've wanted a pony since about the time I had a concept of a pony.
P.S. It is with great pride that I officially make "biking" a tag on this blog. Between the eventual bike naming contest and the fact that I'm me and at some point or another a hilarious story is going to occur while I'm on a bike and the fact that I will probably wipe the heck out at least once this summer-it needed to happen.
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